Is this unexplained or shall I just get a grip

[outsidetheflag]

Ok the beginning over 20 years ago I knew a man. I met him through a friend, I didn't really know him and at that time I had a boyfriend. He was just around if you know what I mean. In around 1999 I was single and he used to go to the pub we drank in a lot. He had the hots for me....he couldn't take his eyes off me..to the point it was uncomfortable. I am not particularly good looking or affable and honestly i thought he was out of my league..not in looks but personality..He was cool, into bands and art, lots of friends. One night we did get chatting and left the pub together. ...we had a bit of a cuddle but at that point a very recent ex of mine walked past us and said something ( I didn't catch it at the time) I thought I was still in love with my ex so that was it for me and this guy. I didn't really see much of him after that.
fast forward to last week. This feeling of him came over me..His arms whilst I was in his embrace. it was a lovely memory. I couldn't remember his last name. ..but later it came to me in a flash. ..I looked him up on Facebook. .,he died late last year, after years of illness.

I can't get him out of my mind..His arms, the way I was a twat.
I don't even know what I am asking. I can't stop thinking of him.

You do seem to remember him fondly and that is lovely for you. People come into our lives and leave an impression which we never forget. Maybe he was a lost opportunity and if your circumstances had been different he could have been the one.
We are living in strange times and I suspect many of us are thinking how our lives could have been different if we had taken different paths.
Maybe he has a grave that you could visit and say goodbye.

@buggeroffvirus. Thank you for replying. .I know he was cremated so a graveside visit is not possible. I just don't understand why my reaction is so strong....it feels so close.

Oh sorry was fiddling around with name changing!

Nostalgia is extraordinarily powerful (even more so now, as we're living through such awful times)

I have memories I can almost taste of the past, they haunt my dreams - I wake up thinking I'm back there

Maybe you could sit quietly listening to music that was around at the time and write him a letter.
Write all your memories of him and say a fond goodbye
You could tell him of your hopes and dreams for your future and then burn the letter outside at night time and watch the smoke float away. peacefully.

Thank you..I have decided to do just that. @buggeroffvirus

@LaurieFairyCake. These are troubled times...but do indeed feel haunted by this.

Thank you both for replying

Thats oddly beautiful op. I guess everyone comes into our lives for a reason or a lesson. We can go years without thinking of them and then suddenly cant get them off our mind. The letter is a beautiful idea.

I think the pandemic is making lots of people think about their exes. I certainly have been very wistful, even though I’m happily married! I think it’s a thing.