I know this sounds batshit. Any explanations, rational or otherwise, gratefully received.
I'm a planner by nature. I like to think things through and picture in my mind's eye how things will be for me in the future. I don't get exact visions of what will happen but can make broad predictions and the pictures I get translate to what happens. I've had this for all the most significant things in my life, including knowing with certainty things like being able to have a particular career, seemingly against all the odds and via a different route than most people would have predicted. It means that most significant events in my life have just 'felt right' as I have been able to envisage them happening.
Since about last October this seems to have switched off. The first thing was a house move, which suddenly did not happen despite my previous clear vision that it would. Then I had a worrying pregnancy- I was utterly unable to visualise having a second child and felt really detached from the whole experience. It wasn't until a few weeks before the birth when we made a quick decision to relocate to move in with family just before lockdown that I suddenly got glimpses again of the future of having a baby. It was as if the reason that I could not picture having a baby at home was because it was never going to happen- I was always going to have the baby somewhere else, and somehow I knew that from the outset of the pregnancy.
I know there is so much uncertainty in the world but I still feel very unsettled that I'm not at all able to envisage what the future holds. I sometimes make connections to what will not be- for example I had absolutely no sense that my DC1 would in fact attend the school back near our old home, even though this seemed inevitable right up until April this year. I also have a sense that the current course of life that we are planning is just not going to happen. But I don't have any sense of what will happen instead.
I know this sounds bonkers, but can anyone relate?