How to mark anniversary of mum's death
jamoncrumpets · 22/11/2019 17:06
The ten year anniversary of my mum's death is coming up. I am not the sort of person that assigns meaning to such things, but talking to my therapist I have realised that marking my mum's death instead of actively trying not to might be more conducive to my healing from the PTSD that haunts me from her final weeks on earth.
But the problem is, I have absolutely no idea what to do. Are there any (using this word is SO not me) rituals that I could perform to remember her, and try to banish the awful memories of her passing?
I don't mean to insult anyone on here by saying this doesn't come naturally to me, I really am trying to come at this with an open mind.
1990shopefulftm · 23/11/2019 16:13
is there an activity you enjoyed to do together that you could do yourself?
DonPablo · 23/11/2019 16:20
Ah, it's so tough, isn't it?
My mum only died last year. But on her birthday we planted a beautiful winter flowering blossom tree with her ashes underneath. So now we light a candle in her tree and spend 10 minutes under the tree rasing a toast to her. It's the second birthday since she died on monday. Her best friend is coming to join us under the tree tomorrow. I have her favourite cake in the oven as we speak.
We also did the same on NYE and the anniversary of her death.
I struggle massively with thinking about her final weeks. She didn't look like my mum. It was harrowing. So I focus on how she was when she was well. I have some lovely photos of her that I cherish.
for you. I hope you find something that helps you.
AdaColeman · 23/11/2019 16:46
crumpets It's so hard I know, I still miss my Mum after many years. These aren't rituals, just some ideas that might help ease the pain of your loss.
Have you tried writing a letter to her, to pour out all your sadness? Afterwards you could burn it or tear it up.
Do you have somewhere where you and your Mum were happy together that you could visit? Try to remember that happiness and use it wipe away your present pain.
Maybe spend an evening listening to music your Mum liked, perhaps have a candle or two lit to create a peaceful atmosphere.
I think your instinct to remember rather than to bury or hide is good, and that by facing the pain you will begin to heal from it. Ten years is a long time to suffer the misery of grief, I do hope you start to recover soon.
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