Moved our brand new horses to new yard, but think i am being almost bullied there!

[allgonebellyup]

We moved our new loaned horses there on Saturday; they are our first and so i am relatively inexperienced at handling my own.
The yard is tiny and lovely location, the lady who runs it is so lovely and is helping me with everything.

However, there is only one other person who keeps her horse there too, and since saturday she has been talking to me like i am a silly 12yr old, and basically bullying me really. Even my ten year old asked "why is that lady being so horrible to you, mum?"
i know she was probably trying to help but she was yanking my new horse around the yard as it was terrified of going into its new stable. The woman was very heavy handed with her when she bolted out of the stable (i know she probably needed it) but the horse was so scared she reared right up at us.
The woman was telling me i have made a stupid choice of pony, and began firing questions at me, such as "why havent you bought feed bins, why havent you bought a wheelbarrow yet? Why is one of the horses on a danish passport-its dodgy didnt you know??"

And i am just dreading going to the yard each time as i know she will start interrogating me/horses again

just LAUGH really good-naturedly and say 'it's as well you're here to keep us on the straight and narrow' etc etc etc. make it clear you are smiling right at her, thinking she is funny. because she is... come on, she sounds ridiculous.

Any chance she is trying to be supportive in a brusque sort of way?

I know a woman just like that

Its not Janet is it

I agree with what Aitch says, better to go along with her, you never know if you might need some help soon.

im sure she thinks she IS being helpful, albeit in a rude, bossy, insulting kind of way. i am scared of her!
She does have years and years experience of owning her own horses and i have none!!!

dont be intimidated by her knowledge, then, you daftie, USE IT. be grateful, say she's a real help, thank her for the advice, and when she gets a bossy tone on, laugh along with a big happy face. you're the one getting all the free advice.

Well I can see why Allgonebellyup is upset. We had a woman on the yard when we got our first pony who sounds quite like this, she was very generous with her time and willing to help 'newbies' but also very down-to-earth/no-nonsense in her approach. She was great and really helped us start off on the right track all those years ago.
BUT, I must say she would never have suggested we'd been stupid in our choice of pony or made us feel idiots for not having everything straight away. There is a difference between saying "you can borrow my barrow until you've a chance to get your own" (ie gentle hint) and demanding to know why someone hasn't got a wheelbarrow!
Also it was easy to respect her opinion because the horses did respond to her confident handling, it wouldn't have been so easy if they were obviously frightened and ended up rearing.
I agree though, that the only thing to do for the moment is be friendly and smile, you don't want an atmosphere and you might need her help one day soon. However you could try and stop her taking you over completely by saying you are really looking forward to getting to know your horse and doing things for it, but that you really appreciate having her to turn to if you get stuck and will give her a shout! Also try asking her a lot of questions about her horse. She will be so busy bragging telling you about it that she will forget to interrogate you about yours.

Stop letting her handle your horses. Yanking it about because it isn't ready to go into the new stable won't help matters at all. So, when she leaps in again, be prepared to say "Please, just leave us alone to get to know each other". Tell the YO that you don't want her to be allowed to handle the horses either.
Have you got any support lined up to help you to get used to this horse ownership lark? Maybe someone can either recommend a nice trainer who will come to help you get started, with groundwork and riding if you need it. Or maybe someone here is close enough to be your new horsey buddy and drop in to dilute this harridan from time to time.

ooh yes, i have done lots of asking her about her horse, but she just clams up and clearly doesnt want to talk to me. What she HAS said about her horse is that he has been playing up/been a nightmare since my mares arrived on saturday!!

Went to the yard last night and she completely gave me and my 2 dc the silent treatment!

She does sound pretty horrible, maybe she liked having the place to herself? Wonder how you could make friendly overtures, offer to help with something or invite her for drinks one night?

Yes, thats exactly what i think it is.

She got really used to having the yard to herself (the owner isnt there much as works a lot) and i think she resents me and my 2 mares, and 2 kids being there. (she has stated that she doesnt like mares, or children, for that matter!)

Miserable sod! Never mind her, tell us about your horses are they settling in ok? Any pics?

Try to keep her on side as others have said, I would be a little bit firm back to her so she knows although you have limited experience you are not going to be pushed around.
IME someone who handles a horse so roughly it rears is no help at all.

Yes, i know i need to keep her on my side ,its just hard to try to like her!!

One of the horses has settled in amazingly well, the other -not so well. She is so strong and manages to yank me around all over the place. She has to wear a chifney too because of her strength. She is a Connemara cross and she was meant for my dd but now i am not totally sure i will be keeping her due to her bolshiness. But i will give it a couple of months

Her name isn't Cindy is it? In east Anglia?

Nope!!

Not Janet, and not Cindy either!
Maybe there are just a lot of these horsey scarey women around??!!

Without a doubt! The woman i know was a complete pita, and my friend used to take the piss a bit and call her the oracle

"You are the oracle, thank goodness you are here" etc

We've got scary horse people at our place, they've always got an opinion about other people's horses and have to have everything their way. The trouble is, despite all the years of 'experience' they are horrifyingly ignorant of basic horse care. All their horses are obese and of course they all go in gags (one got one and now they all 'need' them), I suppose it is quite amusing really! I've learnt that it's best not to get too involved with them.

I wasn't really sure what to say to this topic but wanted you to know that my sympathies are with you.

There is never an excuse for being violent with a horse - next time, and undoubtedly there will be a next time - shout at her. It doesn't need to be a coherent sentence - people know when they're out of order. I shouted/screamed/yipped at a woman a couple of weeks ago who was being mean to her dog as she walked by my apartment. She knew exactly what I was getting at...

As for "advice" - in my experience (and everyone else's it seems) there is always one who thinks they know everything about everything. At my current yard it's the woman who's been riding for 4 years! Her horse has navicular (you should see the shape of its hooves ) and is "difficult to ride". It's a 15 year old plodding mare with navicular.

"Luckily" when I got pregnant she also had loads of advice for that too... e.g., "have a fag, it calms the baby's nerves"! She told me I was definitely having a girl, she coudl tell you see - so it was with great pleasure I told her it was a boy.