Selling horses. Hmm.

[pandora69]

I um'ed and ah'ed for ages about whether to sell big horse. I love him to bits, but he is so impractical for a pregnant mother who has dreams of cantering round with 2 children on furballs behind me. He's too big to lead from, terrified of ponies, such a dirty boy (once spending 3hrs every weekend washing 17,3hh of grey mud monster didn't bother me, now it feels like it is encroaching on precious riding time,) and he is sooooo clever. If I don't fill his brain with clever stuff he fills it with not-so-clever stuff, which is not always as much fun as he feels it should be. ("Ooh, you've learnt a fancy new dressage move" is always so much nicer than "ooh, you've learnt how to take you rug off at the far end of the field!")

He is, however, the most fabulous and wonderful horse I have ever had the pleasure to ride, let alone own. I am selling him with a heavy heart but know it is for the best all round, as he is not old and can have the kind of life he needs with someone else rather than being dragged out of a field, cold-hosed down and expected to perform without the right amount of preparation, which is what he gets with me. So I advertised him. I sang his praises in the ad, listing his numerous and considerable talents, finishing the advert with a light-hearted comment that he is a bit much for a busy mother who will be looking for another the same, but smaller and brown (I didn't want anyone to think he was for sale because he was naughty or defective, or because I was desperate for cash.) Then the ad states his price. As you might expect, I would like more than pennies for him.

I've just had my first phone call about him. The enquirer wished to swap him for her small brown mare. I explained that he was for sale, not for swap, and she lectured me that my ad was misleading, as I said I wanted something smaller and brown, and that was exactly what she was offering for him. I explained that the ad clearly states his price and that my comment was intended to convey that he was an unsuitable horse for my current circumstances, nothing more. I went on to say that I did not need another horse for about 10 months as I was pregnant, and it would not be wise to swap a horse I know and trust for one I do not at this stage in my life, when for the sake of a few more months I would be able to buy exactly what I wanted. She then said "Ah, yes. Some people do get an irrational fear of different horses when they are pregnant, don't they!"

So this woman has rung up and tried to swap my lovely horse for a random mare she doesn't want, accused me of misleading her, then accused me of 'irrational fear!'

Is it just me, or does she sound a bit bonkers?

I would rather not sell big horse, but as i have decided it is for the best I'd rather not have to deal with weirdos.

Hi Pandora,
Thanks so much for the advice. Your horse sounds like he is having a great time at the moment! And you still get the fun of watching and being involved but not the worry of riding too much - it's a win win! Maybe I should put an advert in too. I know what you mean about the replies you get though! I have been searching Horses Wanted web-sites, and not sure I would trust any of them with my precious horse! It sounds like you are not working at the moment, which is great, however I am..and unless I 100% completely trusted someone I would also want to be there when she was being ridden...at least to begin with.

I suppose I won't be at work forever, but I think by then I'll have my hands full! I'm out to dinner tonight with a horsey friend so maybe I should have a chat with her...she may be able to help me work her a bit.

Can I ask..is your helper charging you? Or is it a situation where she is happy to do the work for the ride?

You are right about getting her working and out there a bit..there is a hunter trial at the end of the month I'd love her to go to, and she does just get worse with no work. And I do need a good price for her...I am like you..don't ask for much..I need something with good looks, a bit of quality, can compete when I want to..and win! But also lead little ponies off it, and be left for a week in the field and not blow it's brain! ha ha. Do they exist!
I think i'm secretly hanging on to her as I'm so scared that will be that and my riding days will be over!

Feel a bit better now, thank you!

My helper doesn't charge. I pay for the horse, all of his food, and shoes etc. He is stabled at home so I do get to keep an eye on things although now I know she is competent I tend to let her get on with thigs and not breathe down her neck. Days she can't do are no real problem for me as it is not too much hard wrok to just skip one out and get feeds out. She pays for any lessons she wants on him (subject to me approving the instructor) and she pays for some of the competitions and I pay for others. I take her to her lessons and competitions as she has no transport. So we both win really - she has a better quality horse than she would be able to buy herself, he is paid for and she can go out and about more than she would be able to on her own. OTOH I get my lovely horse looked after in my own back yard for free and get to keep going to competitions with him, (I'd be paying for his feed and shoes and stuff anyway, but I can't afford to add labour on top of that.) BTW I do work, but only 10 days a month, and I work from home atm. I should also add that my helper only works mornings, which is just brilliant for both of us.

If you have your horse at DIY livery, it's just a thought, but you might want to keep heading down there anyway. It will keep you in touch with things and you can keep your eye on your horse too.

As for the perfect horse, they do exist! They are just very, very rare. I had a cob for my mum briefly, and he was nearly perfect! I say 'nearly,' he was nuts out hunting, but I am sure he would have settled eventually. He wasn't dangerous, more annoying in his relentless enthusiasm. But apart from that he led the pony, trundled along with my uncertain mother, took me to Windsor showing, won a hunter trial - just fab. I was also offered a horse the other day that had been hunting for 4 years with the Ledbury (think biiiiiiiiig hedges!) and would jump it all, but would lead his owner's children on their ponies, lovely handsome bay gelding. They are out there. You just have to look.

PS I also used to judge at little competitions when I was pregnant with my first - it helped me feel involved in the horsey world still. And if you don't feel you know enough to judge a whole class, you can always offer to scribe for dressage judges (you learn loads like that,) or jump judge at a hunter trial or two. You can do that sitting down It's a bit more difficult to do that kind of thing now I have DD though, but she keeps me busy enough and makes sure I don't feel bored!

Well, here we go again. I've just booked big horse's slot in Horse and Hound for the Easter weekend. Gulp!

Hi

Can I make a recommendation?
If you love your big horse and would prefer to hang on to him long term but just need a few years off then why not loan him?

I was in this position a few years ago with babies and I sold my two horses - now I have a 5 and 7 year old (children!) and wish I had loaned the horses out for this time. I have now bought another horse but it would have been a better option to loan.

Just a thought. The BHS site offers a loan agreement template to guide you if you decide to explore this option.

All the very best.
M

Hi Melaniefhappy,

I did consider loaning him out, but he is a slightly tricky horse, and he really does like men more than women. His best use (and what he would like best!) would be to be a man's hunter. He has fieldmastered for the local hunt with a male master and loved it. The problem with loaning him out as a hunter is that in 5 years time I would get back a 16 year old horse that could well have been hammered as they don't own him. I have seen it happen many times - someone loans a horse as a hunter, breaks it, sends it back to owner useless and injured.

He is also a very sensitive horse and if things aren't done just right with him he can get himself into a bit of a state over it. Eg when I bought him he had just had a really bad introduction to clipping, and to this day he has to be sedated for it. But other things I have introduced him to carefully he is fabulous with - he is brilliant at water jumps XC, he is not afraid of large fields of pigs, it doesn't bother him when they turn out thousands of baby pheasants for the shooting season and they jump up from under his feet. I've given him no reason to fear these things, so he doesn't fear them when other horses spook all over the place. Again, if you don't own the horse it is not always quite so important to you to make sure you do these things as carefully as if the horse misbehaves you can just send it back.

He is so big I would need to be confident that both children could ride independently of me before I could consider hacking out with them on him - he is terrified of Shetlands! Given that child No.2 is even born yet, he could be on loan for a long time!

I know that by selling him (and getting something more suitable for me,) he will be happier - he loves fuss - and I will be able to have a bit easier time. (Also he is worth so much money I could buy not just another horse but an outdoor school as well from the proceeds. But don't tell him that!)

Child No.2 isn't born! Doh.

pandy My nag is also terrified of Shetlands. We used to "share" a forest with a Thelwell style riding school complete with string of 17 Shetlands. Lions and tigers and Shetlands, oh my!

purdey It's so hard to know what to do for the best - chatting here it's been indicated that my easy horse is perhaps not easy in the eyes of others.

I am 20 weeks and trying to arrange 2 sharers right now (I pay the bills, they ride) because I can't find one with the oomph or the time to take on the sole responsibility and whilst I am apparently carrying a small bump right now I'm just not comfortable riding enough to keep her fit.

I last rode about 5 weeks ago and it was wonderful but since pregnant I have become very picky about exactly whom I rode out with. I can control my own horse and I can keep my eye on one other, I can't keep my eye on 5!

Skihorse, it's because they are so far down! Also, our shetland tries to steal his food.

Had a lovely ride today - snowdrops out in the forest and the paths had been trimmed so I didn't get too many holly branches in my face. My babysitter was good too, instead of prancing and throwing in the occasion huge buck, which I thought was a bit unnecessary last time I rode out with him. Be impressed with me - I didn't jump all the jumps set up by the side of the path. How virtuous am I . One thing I did notice was how much more, erm, foof padding I have already!

"foof padding"? What on earth...?

I think the problem with Shetlands is the unruly hair. He we are with these big TBs/warmbloods and then from around the corner comes a thing just 9 hands high with fur sprouting from every inch of it - which end is which? Where are the eyes? Why are their legs only 6" long? It's either the fear of Shetlands or she does it to hear the little girls gasp with delight and squeak "I like your horse missus".

Your ride sounds lovely pandora - I might have a quick spin tomorrow. I saw her yesterday and she's so protective of me. I was taking her for a walk and a dog leapt out - she jumped in the air, landed on all four feet solidly and then looked at me as if to say "sorry, are you OK?" I then put her in the sand manege and whilst I've been told she's been going absolutely bonkers (and a torn rug is testament to that!) she just had a roll and then plodded around after me. I really honestly get the feeling she's being very sweet, calm and protective of me.

As melanie said - I really think I'd regret selling her now. Maybe I'm soppy...

They do know. My horse didn't see me for 2 weeks when I had DD, and when I eventually turned up in the yard (with MIL following cautiously with DD in pram,) big horse was going 'Yay, I can see you over there! But I can smell you over there. But I can see you THERE!' He kept on looking from me to DD and back to me again, just a bit confused (bless him, like most men really.) He was fab when I was pregnant last time too. He stood and just rolled his eyes when I needed him to stand in a ditch for the 50 millionth time because I'd got off to have a wee again. And when I got back on after my C section I could almost feel him making sure he was in the right place underneath me as I wobbled around up there. He was very gentle the first time I went back out hunting as well. Sadly he decided that by the second time we went out hunting after DD's birth I must be back in the swing of things because he gave a huge slow-mo buck with a little flick on the end and left me in a muddy field .

PS Ski, about the "foof padding" - everything happens a bit quicker second time round, so maybe I'm ahead of you here. But everything gets, well, a bit plumper. Everywhere, you know what I mean?

Our shetland isn't hairy all the time. The reason dhorse is afraid of her is because she traps him in the shelter and won't let him out. He cowers in a corner and she squeals and gives him both barrels if he dares to move an inch. He just whinneys desperately for help!

Joey spooked quite severely at a shetland yesterday - would be more sympathetic if they did not actually live next door to one another and therefore see one another all the time, you know, it would be different if he had never met one before?

So I'm going to be looking for a rare creature then, seeing as everyone seems to have a horse afraid of shetlands . Mine squeals and double barrels big horse too. And escapes. This morning next door's little girl had to come round and tell us she was on their garden. Given we have plenty of space for her to roam here, (and I also have commoner's rights to graze 9000 acres of forest,) I wonder what it is about next door's pristine lawn with stripes on that calls out to her little shetland-y stomach so much!

Hi Pandora,
Is your ad out this week then? I hope you get lots of enquiries - it's the right time to be selling now so all the best with that.
Your horse does sound a lot like mine! She likes things done in a certain way and if anyone new comes along or you do something a bit differently she is not happy! But on the other hand great at XC, bold, honest and a lovely temperament, which I why I hung on to her.
My up-date is - she is now sold! She went last week. To be honest, I have been relieved, those quirks and silly things she was doing were starting to really annoy me, Because I work full-time, when I do go up and ride I just want a straight forward easy time - this was multiplied when I got pregnant, I just didn't want the hassle factor - she is still young and needed more time and work put into her, and I just wanted to get on and get going. Final straw came the other weekend, I went up to the yard during the day to ride and couldn't catch her. Sounds a silly little thing, but it wasn't her 'normal time' so she wasn't impressed! I ride either first thing or last thing and that's her routine - anything outside of that and she is upset. I just can't have that, I'm doing up the house ready for the new arrival, work and have a social life so don't have time for standing in a field trying to catch her for 2 hours.

I put an advert in to sell her and got the usual people all wanting to loan her for their young daughters (she is not a young person's ride). So..the great thing was, my sister who trains NH Horses and who I bought her off 4 years ago having raced twice, asked if she could have her back as a school master for the young ones, possible point to point and for her young jockeys to learn on. So she gave me back what I paid for her, and 2 days later she was up in Scotland again! So I can go and see her and ride when I want - after a 6 hour drive! Was a lot easier than having lots of people coming to see her, me having to jump her when not confident, or loan her when I wasn't happy doing that (I knew I wouldn't want her back once I have the baby).

Sorry, long up-date! But my point is Pandora I think you are making the right decision, if he is not right for you it is best that he goes now. I'm just scouring horse and hound for a nice 15hh honest Connemara type now! I didn't realise they are so expensive!

Good luck with it, hope you get lots of phonecalls x