HELP! 8yr old DS lost his nerve riding!

[Solo2]

8 yr old DS1 just started to learn to ride in September. DS1 is sporty, risk-taking, impulsive, active. Loved it and his twin (not at all sporty or active) tolerated it. Great! At last I'd found something both would enjoy together!

Few weeks ago, DS1 cantered for 2nd time and fell off. Hurt his hip (he's v v skinny with no cushioning fat on him) and was v v tearful and upset and terrified but instructor forced him to continue and canter again, despite his upset. I have no experience of riding but understand the general principle that if you fall off a horse you should get straight back on?

Three lessons later, today DS1 ends up with a much bigger than usual horse. Hasn't cantered since fall but had 3 lessons and been fine. Today, he couldn't fully control the big horse and it started to canter when he was supposed to just trot.

DS1 absolutely terrified, calling out in fear and sobbing loudly. Totally shamed as he never ever cries in public and there were 3 younger girls in the lesson plus his twin. Begged to stop, to give up riding altogether. I'm sitting on side, wondering what to do and instructor again tells him he HAS to carry on and has no choice and forces him to continue, all the while he's crying.

I'm torn between wanting to rush out there and scoop him up and take him home and never let him back on a horse again - and yet not wanting to humiliate him further.

He's gone from being v v keen and excited and every single night asking to ride today and begging for me to buy him a horse, to saying he doesn't want to ride again. Just got him to the point of accepting he will give it a go but he's refusing to ride a big horse or to canter - but I know we get no choice about size of horse or what they do in the lesson.

I assume people on this MN topic are experienced with horses and riding, compared to me - with no experience at all. As DS1's mother, my natural instinct is to protect my son and keep him away from both potential physical risk and public humiliation.

On the other hand, all life carries risks. DS1 was v v keen to learn to ride. DS2 is having fun - despite his ongoing general anxiety about anything risky and unpredictable in life (like me!). It's about the only sport I happily can watch, as I hate football, rugby etc etc and twins haven't had any encouragement outside school from me,to do those things and so aren't keen (I'm a single mum BTW). I'd even had a few thoughts about trying riding myself, so we could all do it together, although have some qualms as I'm a bit overweight, unfit and almost 47!

What do you all think about DS1? Would you continue to encourage and support him to ride? Is this what you should expect in riding lessons - both the risks and the attitude of instructors? Is what he's going through just normal and what everyone will go through at some point re. riding?

I'm a lifelong non-risk-taker who's never really done anything sporty since age 12. So I'm NOT of the school of thought of 'pull yourself together and stop crying!' and much much more the 'I'm here to love and protect you and cushion you for as long as I can from the pains of life'. So I'm finding this 'make a man of him' attitude quite alien. What should we do?

if you put bars up he could get stuck. Could use a mesh instead. If you shut the top door when he starts doing it he can't do it. Hopefully he will outgrow it.

hm, he could potentially go totally nuts (did break through into stable next door recently) but might not hurt to try it tomorrow

with BIG haynet for company

so sorry your son has had a confidence knock. I would agree that it could be quite early to be teaching canter off the lead rope. I hope you have resolved the issue of the insensitve instructor with the centre owner. it seems totally unacceptable behaviour. However, from you othe comments, it seems the centre is far from ideal in many respects. There are valid reasons makng it hard to promise a specific pony for each lesson, bt allowances should be made and children not 'overhorsed' (given one that is too much for them to cope with). There are times when a bigger horse is actally easier as they can be smoother in their gaits, less flighty and more comfortable (it didn't sound like the bigger one was a good move though!)With younger kids I have always tried to use a pony i know I can run beside for canter, we have one which is perfect for this. Otherwise, have you looked into equestrian vaulting? It is a fantastic and growing sport and great for boys and girls as it requires strength as well as balance, teamwork etc. It is a fantastic way to build confidence, agility. I believe that on the continent (others may correct me if i m wrong) that it would be a popular thing to do before learning to ride independantly. The British Equestrian Vaulting website would have links to local clubs or someone you could phone up to see if there is one near you. I hope you sons keep up with some kind of horse sport as it is so beneficial in loads of ways - I can't wait to get my 2 more involved!

Just for general info: holding onto the saddle when teaching canter if fairly standard practice. Neckstraps are also used. Both help to keep riders stable whilst they adjust to the new gait. Canter is one of the hardest paces to teach I think because it is a three beat rhythm which is at odds with us as humans who generally function in two beat speeds. It also requires great flexibility and relaxation through the hips which novice riders often lack. Coupled with the fact that it is faster, the ponies generally do less of it than any other gait and that generally it is taught 'on your own' rather than 'all trot together as a ride' which can encourage ponies to rush, it is a challenging thing to learn.

Personally I prefer neckstraps but the RS where I work doesn't approve of them as it is felt that the ponies may be uncomfortable having someone leaning back hauling on a neckstrap... not my opinion but I have to go with the RS policy of course and I do not feel it compromises safety to hold onto the saddle at all otherwise I simply would not do it.

I am surprised having reread your OP that your son at the age of 8 was being asked to canter off the LR after only a few lessons. Personally I would prefer to spend a good couple of months in walk and trot playing lots of games and practicing have INDEPENDANT control of the pony (i.e. not just following one in front) and INDEPENDANT balance of rider before I would even consider it.

I can see the arguement for a bigger horse but it depends on how big this 'bigger horse' is. Also if he is cantering when he is supposed to be trotting with your DS then he sounds too lively. Some big horses are great with LOs - I knew one 20yr old TB who had taught thousands of under 10s to ride and was a total gent. However, this is not a hard and fast rule, often bigger horses are also stronger as well. Little ponies can be like sitting on sewing machines but TBH if your DS is at the point where he can't balance confidently on a smaller, sewing machine pony yet, he really shouldn't have been cantering yet either. I would be looking for a different RS if I were you.

First of all, OMG to the instructor, yes I agree that unless a child is hurt they should get back on but need to build up their confidence again very slowly - and taylored to the childs individual needs. But I'm not an instructor so what do I know!! I am surprised she said about using the saddle to hold on, normally ponies in riding schools have neck straps to help novice's balance when they trot, canter and jump. She was right about bigger horses being less 'bouncy' though, ponies tend to have upright choppy strides and are generally harder to learn to sit on in trot or canter as their gait can often throw your balance off, whereas horses take longer strides are tend to be smoother. But I can understand that it would be scarey getting stuck on a bigger pony after a fall. I hope that this weeks lesson resolves everything and your son regains some of his confidence at least.
Riding lessons here (South East Kent) are about £30 an hour though tbh I havent had one for a while, my friend used to be an instructor till a couple of years ago - will have to ask her what current prices are.
Good luck with everything

I wandered over to the Tack Room to ask about helping my own ds (age 9) regain confidence after a few recent falls and near misses so it's been interesting to read this thread.

I know absolutely bugger all about riding but I can tell you that whenever ds has had a scare, his instructor has been firm but also patient, kind and encouraging. She has them get back on, but will generally lead for at least a while. I thinks she's fab actually - she's quite scary at times but then being in charge of a room full of ponies and children I'd expect her to be a tad fierce, if required.

Ds also didn't start to learn to canter for ages - none of them did.

hope things continue to improve Otter, also wondering how Solo's son is getting on?