assertiveness?

[MitchyInge]

it's my nature to be almost the opposite of assertive - not that I'm a total pushover but I'm used to being gentle, non-confrontational and quiet around nervous/aggressive dogs, and this approach works really well with them, I can still assert boundaries of course but it's mainly about building their confidence

I need to develop a more authoritative sort of approach around horses though, both in the saddle and on the ground - would a traditional 'assertiveness' type course help or are there specific resources for this sort of thing?

(examples are, well, just being much firmer about setting the pace, having more control - it doesn't help that I get such a surge of exhilaration when they tank off and just want to yell 'yee-ha!' but I know this is Bad for many reasons)

I would think an assertiveness course would work well as it's just general assertiveness they teach (I guess). You can just mould it to suit your senarios

I'd say it was just common sense to be gentle, non-confrontational and quiet around nervous/aggressive dogs! Unless the dog started to push you around of course but you've already said you do set boundaries.

You're not not being assertive from stopping them tanking off if you're enjoying it either (though it is a really, really bad idea as horses don't have much idea of Where a Good Place to Tank is and if you let them think it's OK then eventually they'll pick somewhere really awful to do it) so what is it that you think you're not being assertive about? Does your horse barge you disrespectfully on the ground? If he wants to go one way and you another, do you just say Oh, OK, and let him go the way he wants? Can you give some examples?

Personally, i find that being assertive towards horses works much better on the ground than when riding. I do find that by being quite firm on the ground means i only have be gentle and quiet when riding. There are times when you need to be firm when riding but i think its a bit like men, you have to persuade a horse to think what you want is actually what they wanted all along iyswim?

He nudges me a bit on the ground, but quite gently and it's sort of half affectionate, half poking about for the polo/nuts/apple core he is convinced I have hidden somewhere about my person - he's pretty well mannered on the whole though, definitely doesn't barge

I can't really remember what I meant by not being assertive on the ground, I wouldn't let one drag me anywhere but I do lack confidence say if they are all crowded round the gate and I'm trying to extract one and they all start biting and kicking each other and I'm definitely not as loud and firm as most other people seem to be when they tell them off about things, I just feel a bit ineffectual

as for in the saddle, it's things like stopping him from falling in and steadying the pace - maybe will just come from experience? It's been weird having lessons on less forward going horses and having to nudge them on, and on horses who magically stay on the track and don't motorbike round the corners

Poking about for treats - I presume you do give him treats and so he knows it's a likelihood that you'll have some for him. I also presume you don't mind him having a nuzzle for them and don't stop him? If that's so, I don't see where any lack of assertiveness is as he's doing something you have never told him you don't want him doing and there's a fair chance he'll get a reward for it when he finds the tidbit pocket!

Not liking horses crowded round the gate all wanting IN IN IN when you're trying to get yours in and they're starting to kick up a fuss and squabble amongst one another? That is commonsense! Just find the method of extracting your horse that works for you and is of least risk.

As for the falling in and steadying the pace, considering the back and saddle problems he's had, I don't think you could expect anything else really. You're getting his back and saddle sorted and you're having regular lessons so I'm sure you'll get there, it'll just take a bit of time!

thank you! I should probably stop comparing myself to other people too, just because they seem more in control doesn't automatically mean I am completely rubbish does it?

People are very good at making others seem rubbish. I bet they worry about doing the perfect medium trot and feel complete failures because of that, its all relative, don't stress about it and enjoy your riding