Next steps - pony mad 10yo

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Good evening everyone.

I’m hoping the experts here (and other non horsey mums) might be able to offer some advice.

DD has been riding regularly and making great progress for the last two years. Twice weekly lessons (one private, one group), every holiday camp going, training shows… about as much as we can do without leasing or owning! She has been riding ad hoc long before (since about 4) and riding really does seem to be “in” her. She’s autistic and riding is her happy place where she excels and is hugely comfortable - I can’t see it waning soon is what I’m saying!

I am keen to start thinking about how to support her next steps - she is desperate for her own pony of course. I think a loan/share would be ideal as I’m not horsey myself and would want to do some stable management and get some more hands on experience before committing to more. Lessons are costing loads and it would be nice to have a bit more unstructured riding (and companionship) time I guess?

I don’t really know what I’m looking for though in a lease or share. We are overseas for a start - she is in her riding school’s pony club (BHS accredited school as far as I’m aware), she is very comfortable in walk, trot, canter and transitions, pole work etc. She enjoys jumping (just moving on from cross poles to 60cm rounds), but doesn’t like the “fanciness” of dressage (her words!). Any shared pony would need to be on livery at the club or another nearby.

She currently rides a forward pony with an active trot and fast canter, who is reasonably well behaved. Pony is about 14 and I imagine is about 11.5-12hh. DD is an average sized 10yo. The pony is used for beginners as well as more competent young riders, and while DD is in love with the pony and gets given her for 90% of lessons, she does refuse some jumps which is shaking DDs confidence a bit and can get a bit zoomy.

I have been reading about first ridden, second ridden, but think DD might be a bit beyond that - this is all a very long winded way of asking what “type” of pony exactly should I be looking for if I were to consider leasing or sharing? Should I be looking at specific breeds for example? Or a pony more trained in jumping? Or does the current setup sound like something to stick with and enjoy as long as we can?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

TIA.

From a mum fast falling in love with these animals as much as DD!

Welcome! Your DD sounds great and how lucky to have such a supportive mum. Caveat all the advice below is based on UK/Ireland, lingo and customs may vary hugely where you are. The very best thing you can do IMO is consult with an experienced horsey person who knows your DD and her abilities well, her instructor or pony club leader (we'd call it a DC here) who can let you know what sort of pony would suit your DD best and hopefully key you in to local networks of people who would have suitable animals available.

Not to sound unduly negative but in the UK at least there aren't huge numbers of ponies available for a part-loan or share especially not to an 10 year old from a non horsey family, so it wouldn't necessarily be the case you could target or request a particular breed or type, it would be seeing what's available most likely through word of mouth at the stables she rides at and making sure the horse was vaguely suitable. The jargon is confusing but essentially what you want is a quiet, kind pony suitable for a beginner, probably older more so than younger, of any breed (in the UK would likely be a native pony or cross, or possibly a miniature cob). Sometimes called a 'first ridden', which doesn't necessarily mean the first pony a child ever rides (it more means just a safe, well behaved pony who teaches the child more than the child teaches it). I know she isn't a beginner in riding school terms, but riding on your own, on a privately owned pony (which tend to be much more lively than riding school ponies), not under the direct supervisor of an instructor is such a very different thing you need to be thinking one step backwards. Any pony described as young/inexperienced/green, or 'not a novice ride' or 'second pony' is probably going to be a little too much for her (in sales adverts especially these are often euphemisms for a badly trained or very highly strung and sensitive pony). Likewise a pony described as specifically trained for dressage or jumping is probably more of a competition pony and more than she needs right now (although you wouldn't commonly see these ponies up for loan or share anyway, lease maybe but you are then paying a big premium for competition potential). There's no reason she can't do 60cm jumping or any other discipline at entry level on just an ordinary pony, they don't need special training per se (although if being able to jump is important to her you should ask the pony's owner about this, some shares and loans they specify they would only want you to ride the pony on the flat in the arena or hack out, no jumping, because the pony is older/not in great health or simply they prefer to keep that for the owner). Later on if she's ready for a more advanced pony you can think about that, the beauty of shares and loans is you don't make a long term commitment to the pony so can move on when ready (although watch out because same goes both ways and the owner can also end the arrangement fairly arbitrarily so you have to not get too emotionally attached, easier said than done).

In the UK we have excellent schemes run by riding schools where you can pay extra to borrow a riding school pony outside of lesson times, this is a really good entry into loaning/sharing, especially for younger kids with non horsey parents. Unlike a private share the yard work jobs expected are minimal and the staff will do some of the supervision of the children although parents usually have be present too. Do you know if this is possible where you are as that would be a great first step? Otherwise I might be tempted to stick as you are for another few years, 10 is very young and she has plenty of years of riding fun ahead of her and even a part-time loan is quite a lot for the whole family to take on!

I could have written a very similar post several years ago! Autistic dd (although she wasn’t diagnosed until her mid-teens), a ‘natural’ rider whose happy place was the stables, a non-horsey family and logistical challenges which meant getting her own pony would have been very difficult. What I did to support her dreams was regular lessons, own a pony weeks, residential riding holidays etc. When she was 12 she was able to volunteer at the riding school every Saturday so she learned stable management, helped out with lessons and got an extra ‘helpers’ lesson. After volunteering for a couple of years she started getting paid and worked as many days in the holidays as she could alongside Saturdays. She started sharing, then loaning, a horse when she was 15 - she was old enough to be on the yard without parental supervision and she could get there after school by public transport. I managed to convince my husband that we were spending so much on lessons and holidays that owning her own horse would be cost neutral (it wasn’t…).

I agree with @maxelly - I think a private share/part-loan which would be suitable for a ten year old is unlikely at this point. It would be worth seeing if the riding school has a loan scheme - usually very expensive but a good transition from riding school lessons to private ownership. But I also agree that carrying on as you are for the next few years would be a good idea. She’ll need a very different pony in a few years and if you and she spend time improving your skills and knowledge then that would be time very well spent.

Getting a share for a 10 year old with a non riding parent is easier said than done. Most people will want over 18 years old with own insurance.

Does the riding school offer a loan scheme? She may be able to loan her school pony. I did that for a long time. Refusing some jumps or getting zoomy is very normal. All ponies will do that. If the set up to the jump isn't perfect, the approach speed isn't perfect, the rider feels uncertain or the moon is in Sagittarius, they will refuse it. That's just horses. They have their own minds.

Thanks so much for the replies, I really appreciate the time taken to share your knowledge and opinion. Sounds like we would be jumping the gun a bit and best to stick with what we are doing, which is great to hear. Obviously wanting your own pony is very real when you’re 10, but I’ll reassess in a few years time!

The club does do occasional leases (usually during the holidays), which we haven’t tried yet but will do next time it’s offered.

Thanks again all for the reality check (noted about the refusals and zoomies being normal, and the need to take a step back when owning or leasing - all very helpful points)

thanks.

We went down the riding school loan scheme and it was excellent for our kids. They had to do all the care themselves so could tack up etc.

It also means they have other kids to ride with which is important for safety and fun.

Am further down the road with 17 year old (AuDHD) and am/was v non horsey.

We started with riding school loan. Then bought a pony which I was totally unprepared for the transition to owning, even with a supportive yard.

Teen outgrew him quickly and due to his quirks he is now my field ornament and I can look at him and remember what holidays used to be. Bought another horse, totally over horsed for a short time, but teen does not give up on such things and all now well.

Given the chance again, I would have delayed buying till teen was much older and less likely to outgrow pony. Owning horses in the UK is now very expensive.

I'd also think about your childs resilience. Horses have been amazing for mine and I wouldn't be without them. However, they come with heartache and stress and 10 is a young age to deal with the many situations horses get themselves into.

It’s difficult to say as you aren’t in the UK but there are certainly supported share schemes in my area where the owners are still onsite and provide lessons and supervision. I’d say these vary in though in quality and value so need careful consideration. It definitely seems like something to nurture though. Horse riding can be a massive boost to self confidence in children that might struggle with that in other areas of their life. Go with your current plan but keep an eye at your stable. There could be something that comes up that is suitable and if you’re keen to become horsey too there’s no reason in a couple of years you couldn’t look at getting her own pony if you have a supportive livery option. By 12 she should be able to be pretty independent in handling and doing jobs etc able to ride without constant supervision from an instructor. In the mean time you could take her to watch some local competitions. We were at one yesterday- pony club qualifier classes so a decent standard of riding and it was carnage. So many refusals and people falling off. It will let her see that that’s something that happens and that you just try again. My dc used to both get so upset and embarrassed when things went wrong in the early days but they’ve now learned it happens even to the best and they always come out laughing and giving the pony a pat. Keep us updated with your journey.

I’d definitely stick with what you’re doing, especially as you’re not a horsy family. Getting your own is a whole different ball game in ways you can’t appreciate until you’re there. Realistically you as the adult have to do the bulk of the work, shoulder the responsibility etc. At the moment she gets to ride every time - there’s always another pony available at a riding school if your usual is “off sick” - but when it’s your own you might spend months just looking after it if it gets injured/ill. See how she goes over the next few years and consider it again when she’s a bit older.

I was a horse mad child with a non horsy family, didn’t get my own until I was an adult with my own money. Looking back I think it would have been pure madness for them to have let me get one while I was a kid.

More very sensible comments which I so appreciate, thank you all!

After 2 years of loan we bought and alot of what is said above is very true. You need experienced backup and plenty of it. Both kids outgrew their first ponies in 1-3yrs and we had the heartache of selling them. One we broke even on and one (which was the better one) we sold at a loss. The cost of keeping a pony and doing pony club etc for us is £5k+ per year per pony. And that's with extremely reasonable livery with a friend. Anywhere fancy and you could pay £10k a year just for the livery.
They'll want a trailer to transport the pony and you'll need a vehicle to tow the trailer.. the list goes on!

I agree, having a pony for a child is essentially having one/ another for yourself you don't ride plus a competition groom job. Even with the keenest and most knowledgable child. It stretches me as a horse owner for decades with 2 years part time groom training and our own yard now. Things like saddlery and tack can be very tricky to get right. Kids need lots of help to be out and about with their ponies. There are lots of lovely things about it but it is hard if not horsey yourself until they are older. 10 is still young and I am sure your daughter is learning lots. Lovely of you to consider but at the moment I think it would be a big ask of yourself and sounds like it is working. I haven't added up our pony and PC costs separately but thousands a year sounds right and it only that low because I do all the daily care and have an old well maintained trailer. We went through 3 saddles this year, only 1 of which got money back for. Even with expert fitting getting a saddle capable of doing xcountry and games etc on a native pony is the hardest saddle question I have ever faced and I have been buying saddles for decades.

Another thing to remember is that a share or own horse is not going to be the same as a school horse. School horses are saints, even the naughty ones.

When you own, you don't get a saintly school master. You get a very opinionated, hyperactive lemming with no regard for its own safety or yours, who will have the measure of you in moments and, having realised you lack experience, will proceed to take the absolute piss in every way.

@Balloonhearts yes. My pony who travels a lot had too long being held by my daughter near the ramp the other day and took that time to decide not to load (mare). I needed another adult helper and we were only a little late for the tack fitting. A couple of rallies ago a sheltand in animal print leg wraps (this did make it more amusing) towed mum around the car park and took 3 adults including an instrustor and the lunge lines for my trailer to get on. At a games rally out of the blue my pony bucked DD off so hard on the canter back to the ride bit out of character DD was in tears, the DC stepped in and got her treats which DD refused, crying for hour barely agreed to get on. Managed to get through that but DD wouldn't canter back for months, had to have a hard conversation and now we are back on for areas. Not for the fait hearted. This is with a really good pony which I used all of my horse sense to find.....

Gosh thank you all so much - we will absolutely stick to lessons and school ponies!

Can I ask why owning your own is so very different to a school pony? Are school masters older, or just that they are ridden by so many/so often? Or is it different training? I’m confused as to why an owned pony should be so different?

Also important to consider is that even with own pony or part share lessons are still
very important.

Riding schools deliberately source older schoolmasters to teach lessons. Teaching is a job that requires a very patient, kind natured, level headed horse. They are snapped up very quickly and usually for quite a hefty price. They're worth their weight in gold.

Ask your school how old their horses are. I doubt there will be more than a few under 12. By that age, they're mostly over the silly adolescent phase, calmed down and have been desensitised to terrifying things like carrier bags and rabbits.

You often find teaching is a second career to these horses. At my barn we have one who competed at dressage to fairly high level, two who were pro show jumpers and one who was a race horse. (She won exactly no races.)

They've been to busy showgrounds, seen it all, done it all, couldn't give a fuck. I shook out a bag of shavings over one of them when he wouldn't move out of my way. He kept right on chewing. A younger, less experienced horse would have freaked out and probably killed us both.

You can't teach kids on a horse that's deathly scared of flappy plastic and god knows what else.

The newer students have no idea what they're doing and get scared enough for both of them so the horse has to be confident and know their job as well as being the tolerant kind of temperament who will just keep walking forward, even when the cues he is getting from the rider are asking him to canter the macarena backwards while simultaneously performing a piaffe across the arena.

Riding school horses are unicorns.

It’s also got a lot to do with the amount of work they’re doing - usually much more than a privately owned pony - and the regular routine they’re in. Many riding school saints’ halos slip when they move to private homes and they’re doing less work, probably being fed more and being allowed to get away with more cheekiness than would be countenanced in the riding school.

Yes it's not just the age and personality of the horse, if that was the case people wouldn't run into so many problems as they do when they buy their child's favourite pony out the riding school. People often fondly imagine the pony will be grateful and love being pampered by their favourite little rider only, but in fact it's not unheard of for a riding school pony to totally melt down and hate a private home.

As a PP said, riding school ponies do plenty of work, but it's also predictable, repetitive work, overseen by professionals. The format of a riding school lesson tends to be similar or close to the same every time (e.g. they always canter at the same time in the lesson and in the corner, they know to canter one lap or one circle then stop) and the ponies learn the patterns and the instructor's voices/commands and essentially repeat. The lessons are also nearly always in an arena (or if they hack at all it's usually predictable routes in a group), and either group style follow-the-leader, or if private there are other horses nearby. And if they do forget their manners there's someone experienced available to reschool them very quickly. Compare that to private where they're ridden maybe 3 times a week for 30-40 mins a time (compared to 5/6 days a week for up to 2 hours in a riding school), no instructor most of the time with a reassuring/authoritative voice, the child quite understandably doesn't usually follow the same repetitive schooling plan or have the experience to correct small bad habits. And you have to remember that if it's their first pony from the riding school the child also has to make the huge adjustment from being actively taught the whole time in the riding school to riding alone and deciding for themselves what they're doing next, correcting themselves if they make mistakes and so on.

I'm not saying it's impossible, of course not, people do make that transition all the time, just why people say you need to be careful not to over-horse and expect a few steps backward at least initially. And better if possible to wait until the child's a little older and more resilient than doing it when they're little and easily discouraged...

I had quite a shock when, as a child, I moved from the riding school to a pony that was on full loan. I had to quickly up my game and work really hard on my riding because I was more of a 'passenger' than a 'rider' than I had thought. The riding school ponies essentially made it easy and made me look like a better rider than I was.

The riding school also has all of the infrastructure and routine to help keep things on the straight and narrow. When it is just you and the pony/ horse etc need to work a lot harder and everything becomes your responsibility. Also you wouldn't need to do a lot of the management things like loading or worming as part of a lesson. Its a very controlled environment where at its best the horses and getting consistent and clear guidance on behaviour. It makes a big difference to have experienced people around all the time to help.