If you have a super keen riding DC.…

[Huffingood]

When did they become super keen? My 4 year old DD rides regularly on her pony but seems to be fairly take it or leave it, she never really asks to ride off her own back but always enjoys it when she does. But I always have to instigate it, and she will around 40% of the time say she doesn’t want to when I ask her.

I am very keen myself and have had horses since around 10 years old and was begging for one for as long as I can remember before then, I still ride most days now as a busy 40 year old, and have done a lot of competitive riding in the past. I don’t want to be one of those pushy mothers so always just say “OK” when she doesn’t want to ride, but I see other children doing a lot more in terms of going to pony club camps and rallys etc on lead rein and wonder if pushing her a bit to do more and getting out to more fun things would encourage her a bit? Would appreciate
any experiences or advice from other properly horsey parents outside my own circle.

Mum wouldn't let me learn to ride until I was 11 as she felt I wouldn't take in instruction until that age. I suspect that was because I was suffering from undiagnosed ADHD and found it hard to react to being asked to do things.

By the time I was 14 I was riding and competing a friends pony!

I’m a bit unclear, what is your goal here? As in why do you want her to be super keen?

Perhaps she’s just not really in to horses and just waiting for you to discover her real passion for football or dance or Lego?

Is 4 a typo because thsts very young to know what they want to do in any aspect. I’d say keep going and wait and see but imo you’ll only know in a few years.

At 4 I took my daughter on a few hacks at a local trekking centre and she wasn't bothered at all. Didn't ask to go back and I didn't push it.

This summer (aged 6) she wanted to do an Own A Pony day at the local riding school as several of her friends were going so I booked her in and she loved it. Turns out she needed the company of friends to connect with ponies and riding and now she loves it and can't wait for her next fortnightly lesson 😍

I've got friends whose children have their own ponies and they're generally less interested than the kids who have to wait for their next riding school lesson to ride. I suppose they take it for granted and don't see it as a treat.

I don't know what the answer is but suspect that as a horsey parent, you're remembering how much you would have loved a pony of your own as a child and can't understand why your child who has what you didn't doesn't appreciate it.

I'm sure with time (and friends who also ride) she will become keener as she ages but if she doesn't there are plenty of other hobbies to try and horse riding can always be your thing, especially when she's at school and you can go on a long hack by yourself (or with your own friends) :)

Your child is 4 and you are pushing your own interest.

For balance we are a dog sports household, my DC were encouraged to do everything that YKC had to offer. Even had own dog when younger.

But they eventually found their own hobbies- one is very successful in martial arts and the other has recently discovered music as his passion.

Am I sad about it? Yes, a little bit, but they are their own person with their own interests and passions.

It’s a difficult thing isn’t it with horses and dc because they take so much time and commitment that if you have a horse then your dc are bound to be involved.

Imho though your dd is far too young yet to be doing more than going with the flow and enjoying riding in the present moment when she is on horseback.

In fact if she is saying she doesn’t want to go 40% of the time then, if she didn’t already have a pony, I’d be saying it’s probably best to leave it entirely and try again in a few years’ time. Don’t compare yourself to others.

There is time yet. Lots of children in EU countries aren’t permitted to start proper riding lessons until the age of seven. Up to that point it’s just fun stuff on minis.

Mine didn’t get seriously in to riding until she was about eleven, even though she was around me and my horse for years prior to that and had been to weekly lessons since she was seven or eight.

i think it was at the point where she developed a decent seat and felt relatively safe and competent on a variety of riding school horses that she got more and more enthusiastic about riding.

My other dd just couldn’t have cared less about horses though and was more in to books and dancing. You have to be prepared that your dd might not be an enthusiast and help her to explore other interests. The absolute worst thing you can do is be impatient imho.

My friend who is from a very keen showjumping family bought ponies for their children when they were toddlers, one loved it and as a teenager has 3 ponies and loves competing, one sort of tolerated/went along with it but never loved it and by the time she was 7/8 really didn’t want to do it anymore and probably hasn’t sat on a pony in a decade. You can’t force the keenness and it might just not be their thing

We had ponies from my DC being babies, but it was necessary for me to have a companion for my horse, as I kept mine at home and he would have been alone otherwise. Both of my DC enjoyed having the ponies, but only DC1 really got into it in a big way. They pottered around a bit, but DC1 asked to do my discipline from about age 9, eventually becoming very successful as a teenager at it. Then, when they went to uni, they gave it all up. DC2 likes to pat a horse every now and again, but has their own hobby they found for themself that they love very much and are very driven in.

Neither of my children were especially interested in much as a hobby at 4. At that age we tried lots of things for fun and let them settle on what they liked for themselves as they got older. Ponies are such a huge commitment I would not bother too much if they are not obsessed at 4. I’m horse obsessed, and it’s much easier now I only have my own horses to look after.

I think the key is to let your child find that passion on their own. Honestly, I didn’t have to do much with my LO other than bring her along when I feed, groom, and muck out my horses.

I’ve been riding since I was old enough to sit up, and my mum was the same, and her mum before that, so of course I hoped my daughter would follow in our footsteps. And she has for sure. Everything she owns has horses on it, she loves being at the stables, with my horses and she dreams up her future pony names.

But I never pushed her. I bought a few horse-themed books, that’s about it. I wouldn’t even consider getting her her own pony yet, and shes already massively into them, she’s just too little for that responsibility, and I don’t want her to feel pressured into something so big.

Growing up, I had four extracurricular activities at any given time usually: music lessons, dance, a martial art and horses. I never felt pushed into being horsey. Ages 1-4, I was just around them at home, occasionally plonked on a safe old pony and led around when I fancied it. At just 5, I started asking for lessons, then went weekly, then twice a week, and eventually got my own pony at 8. Even then, I still had lessons twice a month until I started competing to ensure I was improving and ultimately safe and capable. I’m following the same plan with mine.

Thinking about it my mum had at least three horses my whole childhood, but I still had to beg for my first pony and prove I was responsible and capable. I think process was formative and every young horse girl needs that.

On the flip side, my childhood neighbours had two kids who were pressured into horses, farming showing, outdoorsy stuff. Bought shetland ponies at 2/3. One enjoyed it growing up but lost interest completely at uni. The other hated it from the start, she was scared of horses and cows, loved computers and tech, and hated the cold and getting dirty. Their mum was furious when they left for uni and she was stuck with four horses. The eldest had even asked to sell or loan hers out, and the youngest never wanted hers in the first place.

I think doing the most to encourage riding can backfire. If it becomes something they have to do, it stops being fun. I remember being forced to finish a term of music lessons for an instrument I hated, it was torture for my 7 year old brain. I didn’t even mind it until it became an obligation.

Relax. Let your DD discover what she loves on her own, expose her to as many things as you can.

My dd was obsessed with ponies from a very early age but because we lived in a city, having her own wasn’t possible when she was little. She eventually started lessons when she was 7 - I thought the reality of riding wouldn’t live up to the fantasy but it turned out she was a natural and it came easily to her. She was never pushed (to be honest I tried to dissuade her from riding due to the expense and logistics) - the drive all came from her. Obviously there are many very good riders who were put on a pony before they could walk but if the innate desire to do it isn’t there then as soon as children are able to walk away then they will - it’s not just riding, that applies to pretty much any pastime that parents want their children to do.. great if they want it too but you can’t force them.

I've been horsey my whole life and DD grew up around them as I'm a freelance groom and like it or not, she had to come to work with me at times from a very early age.

We had a dear little pony available we could borrow at any time when she was aged 4 or 5 - and like your daughter she enjoyed it when she rode but never actively asked and I never pushed it.

She's now 14 with 2 of her own, she lives and breathes horses and competes to a decent level. Her massive keeness probably began around aged 8 if that helps, around the time she could truly take in proper instruction and could make friends and be sociable as part of it all.

Don't push her, you WILL put her off

We have two super horsey friends - one an eventer, one a jockey.

They both bought all their kids ponies since age 4.

The eventer gas a groom, arena etc. Two out of three kids rather watch paint dry than ride and are still jumping 50cm (age 13). Our kids didn't learn til 8/10 during COVID and now jumping 80-90cm.

The jockey's kids.. Aldi arena and multiple grooms. One is keen on riding, one doesn't ride at all and one can't be bothered.

So from what I've seen the more you push the less likely it is to happen sadly.

This is really helpful thanks everyone, I’ll continue letting her potter around the yard and riding when she feels like it and that’s it for now.

We had horses when my children were born and our eldest had a Shetland and an 11.1 Dartmoor but gave up after a bad fall when he was 8 , our youngest started at 4 and gave up by 6 . I know quite a few horsey families where similar has happened and the kids just are not really interested and I put it down partly to horses being such a normal part of life . I never pushed it with ours because we don’t sell on and in honesty I was quite happy that they gave up before I ended up with a herd , as it is we still have the Dartmoor pony who was bought as a 6 yo and is now 32 .

Ime the dc who have them from little aren’t as desperate or mad keen as the ones who have had to beg and plead for their lessons or ponies. Is she a ponyclub member though? As you mention camps etc but don’t say if that’s an option

@liveforsummer she hasn’t done any pony club yet no, she’s been to a few little shows, I’ve been in touch with our local branch about what’s on for lead rein. I don’t know if to pursue taking her to a pony club rally to try it or not given the current ambivalence 🤷‍♀️

I think she will like PC if she makes friends there, its 50% about their little pals. We did camp from 3. If you have a couple of local PCs you can go onto their calander and see what is available. It isn't all ridden and quite variable, we do care, games etc as much as SJ

Also if your child starts to go out/ need to keep a pony fit etc it is very likely to reduce your riding time significantly.

Mine all grew up around horses. Only one of them was interested in riding though. The other 2 were non fussed and a bit ‘urgh’ when they got dragged to the farm. If she is going to form an alliance interest you have to allow it to happen naturally

Me and my pony mad friends couldn’t get enough of it. We basically didn’t leave the yard and when we did, we played ponies and everything was about horses. That feeling really never left me. Many of my friends drifted in their teens.

We have a livery yard and I’ve watched many, many horse mad mums with their kids. In most cases, the kids just aren’t as interested and they end up giving up. The pony mad kids generally seem to be the ones whose parents weren’t or aren’t really into it.
There are occasional exceptions to that but that’s certainly what’s I’ve seen over the last 40 years.

I have 3 DC and I have been horse obsessed from a young age 🤣

One DC is like me - has that innate love for it.
One enjoys it because their friends ride and they like pony club and trail hunting.
One has just given up because its not their thing.

It is very hard when you’ve gone to the effort to get the pony etc, but keep telling yourself that it is your hobby, they didn’t ask for it and you can’t hassle them.
You sound like you’ve got the right view.

Make it fun, make sure the pony is safe. When they say they want to get off, get them off. And never EVER ask them if they know how lucky they are!!

Definitely try the pony club route. It’s basically brownies with some riding. As much about friendships and ponies are so much more fun with friends. Ours has a minimum of one dismounted rally each month where they learn something horse related, get a badge but mainly run around playing in the arena where the rally is held. Camp is tailored with fun games etc for the little ones that the bigger ones host. My dd 15 generally has multiple 4 year olds hanging off her at every event. They play as much after the rallies as they spend time actually doing one.

@liveforsummer completely agree, the other Christmas we had a rally booked an paid for in an indoor. Got really windy just before and switched to unmounted. They did unmounted games, pretend jumping lessons and football and absolutely loved it. It is very nice for them to have another set of none school friends and nothing bonds like riding together

DD rode a few times at 4, 6 and 8 but was quite take it or leave it till she was 9 and did team mounted games then it was 5am Sunday starts in freezing cold without a word of complaint, chucked off in freezing rain and competing in tears.

It might or might not come and might take some time.

I would sign up for pony club and take her along. If she is sociable she will likely enjoy being around other kids and their ponies.
They do fun activities like discos, Halloween trick or treat rides etc. at that age they are trying to make it fun.
For what it’s worth I’ve seen 4 year olds at pony club off the lead rein doing small courses of jumps. Most of these families do things like picking them up from nursery with the pony. Regular walks out etc