New pony regrets

[Dfekwkhe]

Dd(12) had a new pony in November, 14 hh Welsh. She’s very sweet on the ground but typical of her breed to ride (spooky at times, a little flighty but not strong, doesn’t buck or rear). I’ll be honest, I’m cross with myself for choosing her. Dd absolutely loved her when we tried her and was adamant that she was the pony for her. I clearly spelled out what she’d be getting and that she was unproven and might not be the all rounder that she wanted. I know it’s still relatively early days and we’ve been restricted by the winter weather, light and mud but I think she is knocking Dd’s confidence. I don’t think they’re a good match. I’m cross because I know confidence can be so easily lost at this age and whilst I want her to be developing her riding I also want Dd to be having fun. She’s really not a terrible pony but dd is just struggling to handle her quirks. She’s still got her very neatly outgrown (also differently quirky) 12 hh who she’s out competing and at PC with which is great in some ways but also means I feel she’s a bit in limbo with the two, plus it’s hard work riding two. I don’t know what I’m after in sharing this 🙈 I don’t really want to talk about my mistake to the totally non horsey hubby. Ideas on building confidence for dd and pony would be good 😔

Well, sorry to be the first reply, I'm not sure how helpful this will be.

It really comes down to the type of rider she is, is she confident, does she enjoy 'working' with the pony?

I was the child with the crazy ponies that only jogged and mostly sideways, at this age, and found I learned so much, and thoroughly enjoyed the journey of bringing them on.

I would spend hours and days just working together, it wasn't about competing, though we did compete every weekend, but I really enjoyed the work together.

What's the goal?

@BobShark Thanks for replying. Dd has been taking new pony to the PC group lessons which are pretty full on so she is wanting to test her. But friends are going on a farm ride today and she doesn’t want to go. I was the girl with the totally inappropriate crazy ponies but I also wonder if my memory plays tricks on
me as I didn’t have horsey parents and wasn’t particularly around horse people so any pressure to ride just came from myself. Maybe I’m doing a disservice to dd and expecting too much from her. Maybe they just need time

Well turning it around I think choosing not to take a young green sharp pony on a farm ride with a load of 12 year olds who probably just want to gallop around is actually quite a sensible choice, like you say you knew going into this she might not be able to do everything right away. If she's not fully confident in the pony that sort of environment is not a good place to be.

What other lessons is she having aside from PC? I think she needs private lessons with a good sympathetic instructor and I'd take their advice on whether they think it's a good match long term. Very few 12 year olds, even very good riders naturally know how to train a young or green pony, they need to be taught themselves before they can teach a pony. She may be able to sit a spook for instance but does she know how to work through teaching the pony that spooks are not desirable, build her confidence and concentration so she stops spooking in the first place? She may know all the school movements and be able to ride them well but does she get why she's doing them and what she's teaching the pony through the exercise, can she build a schooling plan for herself for a session without input, identifying goals and exercises to achieve those, critique herself and her pony's success and set new goals for next time? Does she see that sometimes in order to do something that is harder like jumps or more advanced dressage you have to take 2 or even 3 steps backwards and work through the basics repeatedly?

Like I say most 12 year olds can't do all that, she's going to have to learn sooner than most who might have more of a ready made or schoolmaster pony for longer, but seems from her choice she's up for this challenge. Patience very much will be the order of the day for both of you, I don't think it's reasonable to expect immediate competitive success with any new combination never mind a green one. What's the plan for the other pony, like you say having two to ride is a lot but on the other hand I do think it's a good thing for her to have a different option for competitions and things like farm rides, as sounds like the 14h might not really be ready this summer? Maybe she's going to have to take the pill of spending the whole summer doing quiet groundwork and poles and such at home while her friends are out and about having fun (and this certainly won't kill her BTW) for the long term gain of a lovely pony she's brought on herself?

@maxellyThanks for replying. Yes she’s wise enough to not take the new one on the farm trail. The issue was she was supposed to be taking her other pony. I think with having two she’s putting pressure on herself to do the same with the new pony as she does with the old. Just come back from a lovely hack where she’s taken it in turns to ride each whilst I walked and her brother rode. All were beautifully behaved and she was totally chilled out riding both. I suppose after a long muddy winter I was being a bit negative and lacking in patience this morning 😁. Will carry on with her other pony doing the fun stuff for this year whilst we bring the other one on. Dd is drawing up a plan of ‘pony bonding’ right now and I’ve told her that it’s definitely not all about the riding.

I would also suggest private lessons and also working from the ground to build confidence. It’s still early days.

Are you me???
We have a new 14hh pony and it just feels all so stressful at the moment.

Last weekend and the week just gone was great and then today he bloody spooked and DD has gone flying off the side whilst cantering.

So stressful. Sorry not much help but just to say I know how you feel. 😭😭

Have you talked to her about it?

Is there an option to keep both for a while?

I came from a horsey family. And we kept them on a yard with a big mix of people so there was always some input from aunties and cousins and other older people on the yard.

I would get your daughter's input, if she wants to work with the new pony, I would support her. It will be a great learning experience for her.

I’d be getting an adult to regularly ride the welshie. I’ve got a 14 hh native and he would be an absolute piss taker if he wasn’t ridden and handled by competent adults regularly

As ever Maxellys response is perfect.
I would personally be getting lessons for the new pony with an instructor who is willing to ride the pony too

Hi I just wanted to say I’m in a similar boat too. Have also bought a welshie and similar height. I am also thinking wtaf have I done. We asked all the right questions, references, hundreds of videos, our viewing lasted nearly a whole day. We were told this pony was not very Welsh and a dream all round. Pony was amazing but since their arrival has been a mixture of fab and hard work. Very much a few steps forward and some steps back. My dd is frustrated as she (and I) both thought we were buying something we could hit the ground running with. But pony is very green. However our instructor has said we have a great future together and we will get there! But as pony is so green I am a panicky mum who has a cocky child who just doesn’t listen to me!

Another great response from @maxelly. You could be me , we got a welshxarab 14hh mare just before winter , my 12 year old went out on a clear round event at the weekend and had great fun.
But before that we had a fall in the field from a sharp spook she would of sat a million times on the 12hh cob pony , she ended up at hospital on a stretcher but thankfully was all good just a bit of hurt pride.
We had a mare that was used to arenas for schooling going to once a week in an arena the rest in a paddock, in winter too , there were so many changes for the pony yet alone my dd going up from her cob to a hell of a lot more pony.
We have just secured lessons with a lovely instructor and she's wanting to join pony club, I do think it's time to learn each other , mine had to get braver on the ground with her before she felt good in the saddle on her

I'd give it a bit of time and get an adult or competent older child to school her. The tiny ponies at the school I go to are little piss takers if they're only ridden by little kids and regularly get enrolled in Boot Camp Annalise.

Annalise being a 14 year old who is very petite and takes absolutely no shit. She comes marching in with hat and crop and you can practically see them reevaluating their life choices.

How old is the pony? Sounds like things are going well since your first post 🩷 Ponies take (in my LONG experience) at least 18 months to settle fully into a new environment so don’t feel too worried at this stage. Make sure you’re keeping up the same feeding regime & doing lots of flatwork (winter is relentless if you can’t access a school but you can make the most from hacking) but plenty of cuddles & in hand work will make sure he knows who’s boss if you can’t get in the saddle.

No joke but Annalise wouldn’t be welcome anywhere near my animals. There’s a way to ensure control without inflicting fear.

You need to find a good instructor that your child worships … not so hard with pony club. Welshies are strong by nature (as you know) so give them plenty of time together to have a proper chance - how old is the pony?

Thanks all. The pony is 9 but green. Just waiting for her instructor to recover from an illness and will be back to 1:1 lessons. Think we’ll give the PC group lessons a rest and concentrate on the ground work and hacking for a bit. One positive since having the new one is that DD’s riding has come on brilliantly with her other one and her coach is really praising her up so hope the confidence boost will spread. I’ve had a chat with dd and said she’s got one year to compete with her cob whilst bringing on the Welshie (fingers crossed) ready for next year. Good point about getting an adult rider. I’m too big for her for but know a perfect lady for the job. I know that it takes time to create a bond and you take a step back when you move onto a new pony and that’s probably for the best. Do seem to be surrounded by PC members who have very well produced ponies so probably suffering with a little peer pressure 🙈😁. Good luck to those who are also thinking WTAF

I'm thinking we might need to sell. Feel very upset and not sure how to navigate it all.

I agree that confidence is so easily lost. I rode a lot of naughty ponies when I was a kid and although it made me a good rider, I was also nervous a lot of the time and forced myself to do it because I loved riding so much and anything was better than nothing! However I would have really benefitted from something sane to even things out!

Welsh ponies can be a right handful. I would be inclined to say stick it out until the end of the summer and if she's still proving too much sell her on.

@Blankscreen oh dear 😞. How long have you had the pony? I do keep having to remind myself that even her little 12hh cob tried it on when we had him despite us knowing the home he came from well and where he was a saint 🙈.

Where did I say they were scared of her? Maxy thinks she hung the moon.

They just know that twatting about with her results in more work.

Perhaps work on that tendency to jump to conclusions, it makes you look a bit silly.

It’s a big step up from a 12hh to a 14hh and it takes a bit of getting used to. Might be worth getting some lessons and/or hacking out on a school master horse to get used to size difference.
I wouldn’t panic and sell as she might feel over horsed now but if you got a school master she would probably feel under horsed fairly soon.

I don't think there's any real substitute for miles under the girth, and would be looking to spend the summer hacking out interspersed with ground work, building her relationship and confidence with a bigger and more challenging pony.
If she hasn't already found them, get your DD to read 'Fly by Night' & 'The Team' by K.M. Peyton. They are about a young girl getting to grips with ponies that are testing at first. They are really realistic about the highs and lows but also good messaging about hard work paying off.... I loved them as a kid and still do!