Horse parenting

[Donwell]

So husband is non horsey. I have 4, never pressured daughter to ride but she has got into it and we took a joint decision to buy her loan pony. Now it’s just me that does the horse stuff with her. At the weekend he wants her to swim and cycle but never wants to ask when her lesson is or if she wants him to help with the pony etc. if she was into cycling I know I would be at races etc. she has a swim lesson after school one day, tutoring one day and he expects her ‘have exercise’ and swim every weekend as well, walk dogs etc. I give up riding mine to walk her out etc. am I too harsh to expect him to get more active with her hobby? This is a hobby that is exercise, resilience, fun, responsibility, mad to expect him to want to share in it? I should add I work full time, do all my horse stuff early am, cook, do most of the school stuff (he works longer hours in the week than I do), he is ace but well I feel like he is missing out.

I'd probably see it as yours and her hobby, and he does other things with her.

I think he should show an interest but it's not unreasonable for you to do the hands on stuff, given he is not horsey. My DH doesn't get involved in DD's riding, she doesn't mind (he has a very severe horse allergy, so appreciate it's a different situation). Also he knows nothing about horses so wouldn't be able to supervise or help her at all with her pony. He takes DS to football. I know very little about football, so I see it as playing to our strengths and the kids don't mind.

No, not really.
My son has recently started riding, and I take him for lessons at weekends. My husband will do things like football with the kids, or drive them to music lessons. It allows each of us to have a bit of a break tbh.

We have horses at home, but my husband has nothing to do with the horses other than practical yard stuff such as helping with muck removal and bringing straw bales down from the big stack. He'll also help strim fencelines. My husband is into music and has a band. I don't have anything to do with that. We each just give eachother space to enjoy our own hobbies.

If he didn’t manage to get horsey before your daughter got involved I think it’s unrealistic to expect him to now . My husband knew from about the 3rd date that if he wanted to spend time with me he would inevitable have to get involved with our horses ( we also had 4 then ) so he did .

He shouldn't be roped in to doing anything with the horse in terms of chores or care, but he should be paying attention to her hobby and taking an interest in terms of lessons, rides, competitions etc.

My dad isn't horsey. He never helped with chores but he watched every lesson and drove me to competitions every weekend, did the stay over shows and loved watching me! My dad has many flaws but he never missed a beat with supporting me on my ponies.
I still have memories of him jumping around and cheering me on in a 6 bar competition when my mum couldn't bare to look 😂

Bold of him to assume her doing her pony at the weekend isn't exercise itself....

Horses are ’marmite’, you either get the deep rooted joy or you don’t. Enjoy the time with your DD & all the happiness it brings but don’t try too hard to bring your DH into it if he doesn’t want to … if he’s like my DH (who is incredibly effusive about DD’s successes but thinks the whole thing horrible boring), he’ll eventually come along to a few shows to demonstrate willing, but he won’t do too much. That said, we’ve qualified for 4 classes at the NSEA champs at Hickstead in May & he has offered to come which was a shocker. He resents all the early mornings,
the cost & the time drain … because he doesn’t understand the overwhelming love these beautiful creatures give back. Enjoy your pony & your DD’s love & let DH have his cycling. He’s the one missing out & at some point he’ll change his tune.

Also, to add - surely this is the perfect time to hack together so you get to ride as well??

My husband’s like this - it’s infuriating. I’m hoping that as they get more competent he’ll get more interested but I’m not holding my breath