loss of confidence

[Flixon]

Can find my previous thread.

Short backstory. I came back to riding after a 20 year break in 2020. Usual story, rode as a child and young woman, gave up when I had children. Children older - lets try again. I fell right back in love with it, and having more financial resources this time I bought myself a pony. A 14.2 warmblood mare. I know, mad, but in fact it was brilliant, she was a bit fiery but very sane and we had such a bond. I was able to do everything I had missed out on as a child - we did hunter trials, show jumping (only unaffiliated low stuff up to 80cm) fun rides, hunting - we did everything together. Very very sadly she had a suspensory ligament injury after 3 years and despite extensive rehab she has never really come sound. I have retired her and she's very happy in a herd in a local farm.

So 2 years ago I bought my second horse, a Connie. He was backed but very green and almost 4 when I got him. Lovely pony in the stable, Right after I got him I had a very bad accident (from walking the school, something freaked him and he exploded) - I broke my femur. I gave him a few months off and when he came back in - when I could walk again- I started him again with professional support ( I'm on a great yard) We did 6 weeks ground work and then re-backed him in Autumn 2023. Since then we've gone slowly, he's been ridden by professionals for some limited schooling and I've done the hacking / fun rides. The issue is that occasionally, and if you lose your balance, he gets totally terrified and then he will do anything to get away. I don't often lose my balance, but anyone can. Last time this happened, last summer when he ran out of a jump, I broke my ribs and honestly since then I've lost confidence. He's now nearly 6. My most favourite things of all to do is to hack alone, and I can't / don't do this now because I'm afraid. I can sit spooks and even spins, but IF i were to lose my balance he would freak and I would fall off, and despite my Hit Air, Im scared of serious injury.

He's a smashing pony in many ways, but I think I'm at the spot where he's not for me and he's far too young to be left as a field ornament. I think I want to sell him and get another horse that I can enjoy. But I feel SO guilty

Could you put him out on loan and then find another more suitable loan or part share for yourself . I definitely wouldn’t jump into buying anything else until you regain your confidence as even the calmest dope on a rope can throw a funny turn . You never know in a couple of years you may find your current horse is totally suitable for you again or you could always make a final decision then as he will still be youngish and may be a better prospect for someone .

Great advice from FloralNomad. I agree, no need to feel guilty about selling him if you're careful and responsible about looking for a new home but equally I wouldn't rush yourself to buy something new while you're feeling like this - horse-shopping is such a PITA as is settling a new horse in, there's often a few bumps and one step forward two steps back type thing, I wouldn't put myself through that lightly while still feeling a bit bruised from previous pony, could be an out of the frying pan into the fire situation (says the woman who has repeatedly rushed into ill-advised head-over-heart purchases in the wake of various horse related disasters, do as I say not as I do 😆).

I would give yourself some time to just enjoy riding in the least pressurised possible way, whether that's taking some lessons or paid-for hacks at a riding centre or a casual share or part-loan then perhaps re-evaluate how you're feeling and what kind of horse you want at that stage? I don't know if you're a bit like me, I tend to find myself drawn naturally to quite 'on paper' unsuitable horses because I'm a sucker for a sob story and/or a pretty face and sometimes it has worked out OK, but these days as I'm getting older and more breakable I've had to admit it's time to be more sensible and go for the horse I need now not the one that would have suited me 20 40 years ago ...

I'm going for a hack tomorrow on a friends horse, just to see what my anxiety is like with her...

I'm sure its good advice not to rush into another purchase but I'm not sure I will be able to take it !

I'd sell him and get an older more experienced horse. 10 at the youngest. One that can give you some confidence back.

There is absolutely no shame in selling a horse that's not right for you. Life is too short not to enjoy your passion. There are plenty of other horses out there who will be right for you. In the meantime, you could talk to a mindset coach to help you deal with your confidence loss.

I decided. I took another horse out for a ride and loved it. The reality is this one is just too much for me, too young and too anxious. He's a great pony for a rider with more confidence than I do because he takes confidence from his rider ( although oddly I have plenty of confidence with other horses, just not with him). So he has gone to a sales livery yard, and he's doing amazing stuff there - they love him! I have said not to be sold to a novice or nervous rider ...
I still feel a bit bad, but much less now Ive seen what they have done with him, what he can do with the right person