Pony Club

[sheep73]

We joined a pony club a year ago on recommendations of our friends. The instructors are excellent however the committee seems very cliquey and a year on I'm starting to wonder if it's the right place for us but alternatives are not great..
I have made some suggestions of arena eventing which have been met with derision and nothing has changed. They asked for volunteers and a friend and I volunteered and we have heard nothing more. I had to drop an extra piece of tack at the residential camp and to say the DC made it clear I was not to stay 2 seconds longer than necessary would be an understatement. She practically frog marched me to my car...
Why are these people so unfriendly? Other parents have also had issues with the DC. It is a closed shop.
DD also tried riding club camp but it was a bit slow and gossipy and DC2 is too young. The other pony clubs around us are very small and have no boys..
DC is leaving this year.. I'm guessing we should sit it out? And hope things improve?

Sorry that's been your experience and yes some PC branches can be cliquey. DD is at a PC centre (riding school that's affiliated to the PC so can enter all PC comps etc), it is a lot more egalitarian than the local branches. Have you got a centre near you? She has just been to PC national Champs with her branch and loved it.
DCs can be notorious battleaxes, I can still remember my DC from 36+ years ago!! Don't take it personally but it probably won't improve.

All volunteer run organisations end up being cliquey (looking at you PTA!) because those running it bring in people they know they can get on with - their mates. Don’t take it personally. It’s also harder to ‘break in’ if you are a non horsey parent as, simply put, you won’t be as useful.
The other parents having issues with your DC is a bit concerning - can you elaborate?
Camp is a big step for DC to be independent so I’m not surprised they shooed you off, so uncool for mum to drop in (even when you are doing them a favour and dropping off something they forgot!).

Just realised you meant Pony club DC and not Dear Child - bloody mumsnet lingo 🤣🤣

They needed an extra piece of tack and it's a 3hr round trip so I wasn't passing casually!

It's interesting people don't think it will change.. several parents have commented the committee is cliquey. Dc2s best friend was looking at joining.. his mum is super inner wheel horse world and clashed with the DC before they'd even signed up !
I guess all DCs are imperious but this one seems particularly so.. it's just sad they can't be more friendly..
I volunteered for a role as they were asking for volunteers and all I was told was not to worry as others had stepped forward too and the other parents I know got the same message.
Another lady said she has also clashed with her.
My husband has done the pc safeguarding course and he said if anything they encourage parents to go to camp so I'm baffled.

Horsey people are strange and some people in PC are even stranger 😆 honestly no point in trying to figure it out or rationalise it!

Yeah like a PP says sounds not unusual for pony club. Where you have organisations run off people giving up lots of their time for free it's natural it can end up cliquey and set in their ways, people of course like to have their friends around them and to do things the way they've always done them, and they can be quite suspicious of newcomer with new ideas. It's the same with PTA, scouts, under 10s Sunday football etc. And exactly like someone else says its virtually obligatory to be a dragon if you're going to be a DC, the pony club must run some kind of bootcamp to teach them how to make errant parents feel small and naughty ponies fall into line! I've had much worse in my time at PC than being hustled away from camp, I've been publicly humiliated many and relegated to sandwich and squash distribution duties for various minor misdemeanours, a particular highlight was the blasting I got when I somehow missed the memo that they were doing best turned out one rally and were supposed to turn up with plaiting gear and show jackets, I'd sent them in in normal clothes and only hastily brushed off ponies, everyone else had snowy chalked legs and hair ribbons and polished tack and all😳i wasn't even allowed to go back to fetch the proper kit from home as that was 'sending the wrong message' 😕

Sorry that you and your kids have been made to feel unwelcome though. We joke but I do get that it's hard to find somewhere friendly to ride with friends particularly for boys. I'd stick it out if your kids are enjoying it and see how things pan out with a new DC in charge. The alternative although it would be a big change is probably to livery your pony(s) at a big livery yard or riding school, one that does lots of school holiday activities for the kids and clinics and such at the yard, and where you and other parents can team up to take them out to comps etc.

Thankyou peoples! Your words of wisdom reassure! It's always good know one is not alone! X

i mean, i got thrown out of my pony club when i was 13 as my pony was "too much, too dangerous"
There was no negotiation.

A year later i was beating them all at local shows on the same pony - he just needed a bit longer to contemplate life 😂

redpony1 I like your style!

As I pony club DC myself I had to comment!!

I am nothing like the stereotype talked about here and neither are the other DCs that I know. Think they are a thing of the past in most branches.

Our committee is very welcoming and friendly, and any offers of help are taken up with much gratitude! We are always looking for people to muck in, that's how they get to know each other as well, sadly, too often, parents say they are too busy.

For camp, years ago parents were discouraged from being present much, the idea being that it helped to make sure the kids did everything themselves. Now though, with all the safeguarding and h&s boxes we need to tick, parents are around at camp a lot more.

When my kids joined pony club, I realised that the communication wasn't that efficient or quick, so I offered to help with that. Partly so I was in the loop myself.

So one maybe ask if there's a role you could take on or assist in?

@CaptainClover I would love to agree with you but after spending the week at PC Champs I'm not convinced you are right! Plenty of the old guard still around it seems although to be fair fewer kids in tears than in my day!
DCs do an amazing job and I was slightly tongue in cheek with my comment, sorry if it offended but I can only go off my own experiences. I think in order to run PC well then a sergeant major approach is sometimes the only way to deal with "over enthusiastic" PC mums which sadly do still exist!

The horse world can be cliquey, who knows why, doesn't benefit anyone. I've been at a stable yard as a visitor and within 10 minutes you can hear people bitching about other people. Sounds like you could stay until she's old enough to leave and potentially look for an alternative riding club.

Captainclover I'm sure it's not all pony clubs. A friend of mine her mum has been dc of another for over 20years. She is quite old school but very lovely and encouraging.

My husband did the pc safeguarding course and said pc now encourages parents to stay because of safeguarding etc so it seems ours is a bit behind the curve...

I did previously volunteer to do a role (twice). The first time I was told they had 3 volunteers.. I never heard back and it seems someone else is now doing it.. the other was to help for one day on camp and someone else was also selected..

After leaving my child at camp and being hustled out my older child overhead the DC talking about me.. so that's a bit pants.

The one person I do know on the committee said the meetings are v bitchy and she scuttles out at the end as fast as she can.

So I'm thinking it's just the particular group at our pony club..

I wish we were hustled away from camp. I thought this year was my last as a parent (under 12 need a parent) however next year at a new venue it's under 16's so bother few years for me 😅

We’re obviously lucky with our pony club but I don’t recognise this picture at all (and I’ve done 12 years now!). Our new DC is lovely and so was the last one - maybe she’s@CaptainClover 🤔
And the committee are always desperate for volunteers, especially for camp - they would bite your arm off!
The turnout thing for the rally sounds particularly ludicrous- I’ve got boys and as long as we are tidy with clean tack, that is definitely all I can hope for (and the PC has always been happy with that.
I’d hang in there to see what the new DC is like but then cut your losses - is there any other branch near you? They do obviously have very different cultures…

I think I've been very lucky, we've been with our branch for around 14 years now, and had 4 DC's in that time. The second could be a bit hard going, and I found keeping quiet but carrying on was the way forward, the other 3 have been for the most part brilliant, encouraging and friendly.
I'd definitely encourage you to get your children into tetrathlon (with Pony Club) - definitely the most fun, and quite a few boys, too, so great for your boy. Then, if your branch aren't doing much but you want to get more involved, the area tet committee are almost always looking for helpers.
Keep offering to help, and let any snippiness go over your head. I think some DC's get so fed up of some parents, who can be quite demanding and diva-ish (and whose children are of course the next William Fox-Pitt / Ros Canter, so deserve specialist treatment), that they can get a bit defensive. This means even if you're not one of those parents, you are sometimes treated with a bit of suspicion / frostiness at first.
Personally, I'd stick it out, they will soften as they get to know you better, and if she's unlikely to be DC much longer, then things will probably improve anyway.
But definitely, definitely check out tetrathlon, it's the best (and we even had one of the senior tetrathletes - Charlie Brown - competing in the Olympics this year in modern Pentathlon. A true Role Model)
Good luck xx

Dear biddie191 we did tetrathlons last summer and it was great fun and the people were nice and super helpful. We are helping out with one aspect and our DC -the one who thinks I am sh1t on her shoe - has asked us to modify what we do to be more helpful. So keep in mind my kids have given up tet because we don't get the xc / arena eventing practice we need and I've asked for so she has a very short memory.. I think I will lie low til she moves on ..

What area are you? Definitely worth trying to find the area rep / area tet coordinator. As tet is small in some branches, we often organise training, be it run, shoot or xc, as an area, rather than individual branches, which has the added bonus of making friends from other local branches, too xx

Regarding "I had to drop an extra piece of tack at the residential camp and to say the DC made it clear I was not to stay 2 seconds longer than necessary would be an understatement. She practically frog marched me to my car...". The point of view of those running the camp could well be that: (a) you wouldn't expect to go to a school with something forgotten for a child and have the run of the school? (b) safeguarding (c) possibility of home sickness etc (d) previous situations/experiences with parents - especially when they hang around and try to help and un-do correct teaching as per the Pony Club Manual of Horsemanship.

*xmb53 *who mentioned the pony club manual?? The instructor asked me to bring another piece of tack which was what I was doing. DS2 had only had the pony two days so was a bit discombobulated and I wanted to know attempt#2 would fit before I left.
DC1 overheard the DC talking about me after I left 'why was she just popping in? They will all think they can just pop in' etc etc. Very professional..