Coming to terms with horse getting old.

[Balloonhearts]

Just that really. Sorry, its a long one, don't worry if you cba to read it all.

He isn't mine, he is a school horse whom I ride for lessons. Owner of the school is a good friend and regularly let's me do little extra stuff with him like grooming, learning to ride him bareback and playing games with him on the ground so I've bonded with him and I absolutely love the bones of that horse. I mean I love them all but he is the one I would run into a burning barn for.

He is off riding for a few weeks as he seems tired and not himself so is having a break from work and having been riding the other large enough horse, (I'm a bit fat so can only really ride the bigguns) it's hit home how much I will miss him when he retires.

He's had a couple of health issues lately, nothing too serious but I'm hyper aware of his age and that in a few short years he will likely be retiring to somewhere green and peaceful.

Due to some emotional trauma growing up, I struggle with attachments and he has been a lifeline for me. He is so loving and kind, he follows you about like a dog. Total gent. He'll never kick you or bite or barge you, you can do everything with him. Amazing showjumper but will happily try a bit of anything, he's such a pleaser. If you can communicate what you want him to do, 9 times out of 10, he'll try his best. Unless it's raining, dinnertime or there's a scary looking twig. 😂

He's been my first for pretty much everything. First ridden, first canter, first hack, first jump, first bareback ride and he'll probably be my first for competition as I'm hoping to do a bit of low level dressage and show jumping when I get good enough.

How do you come to terms with losing a friend like that? How can any other horse ever compare when you find one so perfectly suited to you?

I cried my heart out over my hamsters ffs, they live 5 years max. I have no idea how people do it, losing them after 20 to 30 years must be awful.

I don’t know much about horses, I’m a dog lover but I think most people with companion animals feel exactly like you do for your horse, there is always that ‘heart’ horse/dog/cat who you can’t even begin to imagine your life without, who has shared and supported us through the good and bad with unconditional love that no human can give. I used to look at my dog and the thought of her not being with me was unthinkable, we had never been apart her whole life, the most was a few hours when I went shopping! but that inevitable time came after 15 years and she died. The devastation I felt was horrendous for many many months, but slowly over time I began to accept my loss and can now mostly look at photos and videos without breaking down and I feel so lucky that I had her for so long, I was truly blessed. It’s not an easy road to go down, I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy but it’s the inevitable I’m afraid when you love an animal so much as you clearly do. Try not to worry about the end if you can, and make the most of every moment he is in your life, those memories will bring you enormous comfort when the time comes.

I have a similar horse at my stables, a real maître d'école who has now got grey eyebrows and doesn't really do competition any more.

Like you I did my first canter, first trot, first trot without stirrups, first everything really. He's such a gent and so loveable and can do everything a horse can do.

As I'm getting on a bit myself I feel in sync with him and if I had the money and a field I'd buy him today so he could have a long happy retirement.

My horse is 25. I've owned him for 16 years. He's given me a couple of scares where I really thought I'd lose him. A couple of years ago he colicked badly and the vet was on her way back to pts at 10pm when he gave a thunderous fart and started to recover, so I know exactly how it's going to feel and I'm dreading it.
10 years ago I lost an 8yo I'd trained myself very suddenly and that was bad enough.

I also have a riding school horse who I love and is close to retirement. I think I might stop riding when she finishes. I’m a nervous rider and she is such a patient sweetheart.

I would too, if I had the money but can't even afford a loan day so luxury retirement is out of the question. They are just so lovable and he's such a kind horse. Took forever to learn to sit the trot because every time I wobbled he dropped back to walk.

You don’t say how old he is

But if he’s starting to get a bit old for harder work, then I wonder if you need to adjust your expectations of him, and focus on your relationship with him and what’s best for him, rather than his role in your own riding ambitions

you talk about taking him to your first dressage and showjumping competitions. That’s extra strain for an ageing horse. But it shouldn’t stop you doing the ground work, quiet hacking, just being with him. I’d start focusing more on that, and less on this being the horse who will continue to grow with you in all your firsts. You are at different stages - you are growing as a rider and becoming more ambitious . He’s heading for retirement and needs to take it easy.

He's 19 and still very fit. Still competes, mostly with students now, as he loves to jump. But he is undeniably going to start slowing down.

I'm not bothered so much about doing these particular things with him, more that one day I won't see him waiting for his treat after a lesson or pratting about in the field, rolling in the most disgusting thing he can possibly find and taking off at the last second when you're trying to catch him in.

Thinking about him retiring and not being my default partner anymore just reminds me that he is getting older and one day won't be here any more.

When I was getting back to it I had a similar horse at a riding school, gorgeous gentle giant ID. Shortly after I left to start loaning he fell out of work and retired. I cried the last time I knew I was riding him on the way home, still get sad driving past the field where he once was (was along my route to work so I would see him most mornings). I thought about offering to buy him a few times to enjoy as a hacking partner but glad I didn't as he shortly went lame. I now do alot more farm trips, dressage, showing etc that the ID wouldn't have kept up with, and he gave so many such a trusty gentle start to riding due to his age and experience. On the flip side there is a 24yo on our yard still hacking out sound as a pound. Be thankful of the lessons learnt but also look forward to new experiences that may come with other equine companions they each have something to teach

Well brace yourself- horses very often don’t retire somewhere green and peaceful. Even if that’s what the owner intends, big horses as they age can go downhill very quickly when out of work.

My own mare is 26 and recently retired after many gears of light work. I suspect she will be out down fairly soon as her issues will cause her problems in the field.

I actually think the build up is harder than when it actually happens.

It will be fine @Balloonhearts, I have loved and lost so many over the decades. You cry buckets but eventually you find another one that mends you.

It hurts like hell to lose a horse. Over time the hurt fades and the memories become something special that no one can take away from you. Just make sure you've given all the love you can. They can restore your ability to trust, without a doubt. All my horses have their own special place in my heart and they all felt like my one and only at the time.

With love comes loss. We have lost 3 horses now. 1st was my daughters horse of a lifetime. She went early to a severe bout of colic aged 9. It so traumatic, it took months b3fore we stopped crying. 3 years ago I have my darling Flicka put down at age 31, this was planned and very calm. Although not traumatic, the pain was still intense. Last year we had a call to say that our first pony, who had been sold over 20 years ago (but we still visited) had been put to sleep aged 33. Even then we were all in floods of tears.

To love and be loved by an animal is a privilege. The pain does subside, but it never truly goes away, just like the love.