Since dd7 nearly fell off she’s lost confidence

[Thedarksideofrbemoon04]

Dd7 usually rides her DS16 pony once or twice a week. Pony is 14.2 but dd7 is very tall for her age.

a few weeks ago dd7 was doing small cross poles and nearly came off after many successful ones. She stayed on though.

its shook her up and now she refuses to even lead pony let a lot sit on her. Pony is absolutely bomb proof and an amazing girl. She has never put a hoof wrong.

dd16 is going uni in a couple of years and the plan was for pony to be dd7s but how the hell do I overcome this new found fear?! She’s been riding since she was 4 originally at a riding school but said teacher now teachers her on pony.

Give her a leg up and use a lead rein until she’s ready to walk without it.

Then walk and walk and walk until she wants to trot. And so on.

Jumping can be of the cards for ages. Let her learn some lateral work.

She's young and there's no hurry whatsoever.

She won’t let me give her a leg up.

at her old riding school they would spend ages teaching the kids to give each other a leg up but that’s one of her triggers now and she won’t even try it :(

iv ordered new steps so hopefully that will help x

I hope the new steps help too but in my (admittedly armchair psychologist) opinion it's unlikely she's really afraid of falling off a wobbly mounting block. It's the fact that the moment she has to go and stand on the block is the transition phase between being safe on the ground (and her conscious/logical brain saying she wants to ride) and being actually on board and at risk of falling (at which point her primitive/subconscious fear response makes her panic). 'Transition' moments are well known for setting off anxiety in all sorts of irrational ways. She may say she's not afraid of falling and it's just the block but you can hardly expected a detailed and rational analysis of their own fears and anxieties from a 7 year old. To be honest OP, and I know this is not what you want to hear, but how much longer are you going to persist here with the trainer and the 'homework' - if she's afraid of the block, afraid of leg ups, afraid of riding even on a lead rein, afraid of leading/grooming the pony and is regularly having meltdowns - it just doesn't sound much fun to me? Do you not need as her mum to step in and say actually no matter how much she says she wants to do it her being this upset regularly isn't doing anyone any good and she needs to take a break?

Sorry if that's a bit harsh and obviously you know your child best but I think maybe I'd try a bit of a more brisk approach, no fussing/faffing around, everyone gets ready efficiently, DD on the block for minimal time and either she hops straight on without too much thinking about it or negotiating, or she doesn't feel up to it so pony gets put away (or taken off to be lunged or whatever instead) - no recriminations or pleading or bargaining, she can have hugs and love of course if upset and she can try again tomorrow, but standing on the block for ages hyperventilating is off the cards?

I agree with this. It's meant to be fun. I think you have to be a tad mad to want to ride despite falls/risk of falls. As a child, I fell off a pony in my very first lead-reign lesson and never wanted to ride again. My daughter, on the other hand, has fallen countless times and just gets back on and rides every day. It's a personality thing. I think it's very sensible to be scared and not to want to ride and you shouldn't be forcing her or making her do "homework". If she's so upset over it so often, just let her quit or take a break.

I fell off almost four years go and ws so terrified I ended up riding the next step up to a Shetland for more than a year( I m short). Bizarrely it was only when I got back on the horse I fell from that I was able to move forward.
Am still frightened though. Every single day.

It breaks my heart though because she’s so desperate to do it and seeing your child want something so bad but not able to do it heartbreaking. Especially as she sees her sister ride multiple times a week.

she did get back on a week ago and walked around and said she felt more confident after a while but then has gone back to being nervous.

im going to leave it for abit and concentrate on her doing ground work.

I don’t think anyone can realise how much she loves riding/horses normally. She watches it on YouTube every day, talks about it 24/7.

Then your best bet is a smaller pony. It's less frightening because the distance to the ground is shorter. Even though the pony might not be as calm as yours, psychologically, it may make it less frightening to your daughter. It's also much easier to mount a smaller pony.

How often is she trying to ride? Is it everyday?

I think she needs to take a good, proper break from trying to get back on. Let her adrenaline and anxiety come right back down before putting her back in the position that makes her panic.

It's like the bucket theory for dogs - we can't learn when we're in a state of abject panic. You need to take the time to let her "bucket" empty before attempting it again, or it will just get worse and worse.

@maxelly is spot on re the conscious desire to ride and the subconscious fear;

She’s saying there’s a voice in her head that’s telling her not to ride :(

That's her subconscious mind speaking. It got an almighty shock when she almost fell and has now decided that anything related to riding must be avoided. So there's no a conflict between conscious - wanting to ride - and subconscious - fear of riding.

Ask her to imagine being really happy about wanting to ride, to imagine getting on and being excited, to imagine being in the saddle and loving it. Even to imagine falling off and finding it really funny. Why? Because the subconscious (which is in charge of her imagination and emotions) wants her to be happy and safe and if that 'voice' realises that stopping her from riding is actively making her unhappy it will stop.

Can you get transport and join a pony club branch (as opposed to one based at a riding school) ? She'll soon find friends and try and do what they do and forget she's nervous.

My daughter fell off, had a few more lessons but didn’t even want to sit on the horse again.
So she’s booked into some horsecare and learning classes with a few months off lessons, entirely up to her is she starts up again.

My dd came off aged 7. She was in her 3rd year of riding and it crushed her confidence.

Sadly, 2 years on and we have accepted she won't return.

Surely you will know someone if she's been riding for 3 years and you have your own pony? Just ask if she can ride something small and safe, getting on from the floor and just pootling around for 10 minutes.

My nephew is a bit behind her - he's just learning to canter and had a fall when his pony tripped. We booked him a lesson on a horse simulator and it really helped!

We have had a similar situation here. 10yr old DD has a 12.2 but we recently got a 14.2 on loan. Despite it initially being really positive, the pony spooked and although she stayed on her confidence has evaporated. She won't really groom etc now as she is so scared even though she wants to. We've decided to call it a day and pony will be returned which I'm gutted about - but riding is scary and she doesn't want to fall off what she sees as a big pony.

Pony is lovely but riding is meant to be enjoyable and I see far to many people being persuaded that being petrified all the time is fine and normal.
We have horses so she is around them but we've come to the conclusion for the moment at least riding isn't for her.

Buy her a bike, horses are terrifying!

Loss of confidence is hard and not everyone gets it back. I also don't think it's the mounting block.

With us, it was ground work and grooming. And yes, a smaller pony. Dd didn't get back on for a few weeks. Took the pressure and expectation off. Just bring around ponies. Progressed to getting on bareback in the yard and moving around on the small pony. Then back on her pony, lead rein to begin with. Took a few months to get back to where she had been and i don't think she will ever be a very forward rider. It's not her temperament.

If your daughter is to scared to get on, I would listen to her.

Thought I’d update!

around 2 weeks ago dd had hypnotherapy. Only a 20 min zoom session but I honestly thought this isn’t going to bloody work. She wouldn’t even close her eyes. The woman spoke to her about her goals on pony and what does she want to do.

straight after dd went and drew her and pony’s Easter costume.

the next day she jumped on said pony without a second thought!! She’s rode pony every other day since. Even sitting on her bareback! She’s never done that.

she is doing everything with her, picking her feet, grooming, walking her, mucking out!

she even started pony club last week and rode a pony there, she had a leg up and said pony started moving. She panicked abit she said once she was on she loved it.

Said pony and dd 🥰