Selling my beloved horse

[ihateeverythingaboutthis]

This is just a grief post really. Tomorrow my beloved horse who is the light of my life is going to a wonderful woman to be brought back into shape and then sold. I've had him for years and never wanted to part with him, but he's too much horse for me (but wonderful on the ground) and I haven't ridden him for nearly two years. I worked with a trainer for a year straight trying to regain my confidence with him but while we made progress, I was still scared every time I had to ride. Eventually I bought a second horse who, bless him, is an awful personality but I love every minute that I ride him.

I tried for two years to hang on to my lovely boy, but after three failed loans I can't keep him anymore. DIYing two every day is out of the question and as much as I would love to keep him as a pet it isn't the right thing for either me or him. He deserves someone who loves the socks off him and he has so much talent, he'll be an amazing horse for someone.

Tucking him into bed tonight for the last time was so hard, and getting him ready to send off tomorrow is going to be even harder. I look at his sweet, innocent face and hope like hell that he'll have an amazing life with someone else.

Has anyone been in this situation? I've never had to sell a horse I wanted to keep and it hurts so badly. Any words of wisdom gratefully received 💔

I have no words of wisdom because I haven't been there but I can imagine how hard this must be for you but at the same time it sounds like you're making absolutely the right decision for you and for him. I'm sure he will find a wonderful new home. Xx

Thank you @wherethewildthingsgo I really hope so too. I feel absolutely awful about it.

yes, two of them, in semi retirement, about ten miles away, the handover achieved whilst I wasn’t there, good quality saddlery in as part of the deal. A wrench.
By invitation, I visited about two months later, taking huge carrot each.
New owner left me to it. I called them from the gate, waving the carrots.

They both raised their heads slightly, looked, carried on grazing.
Of course I was mollified but it helped, stopped me pointlessly missing them, satisfied they were content in their wonderful new home.
Now you have a new horse, be happy with him.

I can imagine. It sounds like you've got a lot of guilt too. You haven't failed and you have made a choice out of love.

I also know the feeling of fear when horse riding and if you're not able to get past the fear then ultimately it's not sustainable. As you know, riding is all about trust and being relaxed together- it sounds like you have that with your new horse.

Can you find a new home for your horse where you might be able to stay in touch and visit a bit if you want to?

I did back in 2010 due to redundancy. I had them my whole life, from age 3. But due to owning a house on my own. I couldn't afford both. So i took my time and found him a great home 3 hours away. Owner had land with her house and he lived his final years with her.

From that day i vowed i wouldnt own another. He was ace. Just know he will make his new owner happy im sure. Its hard, very hard. But its expensive to own two in todays world and why you have time its best to find the right person like you have.

Couldn’t read and run. I am extremely anti selling horses usually. Both of mine were really bad buys on paper and I have fought with blood, sweat, tears and money to make it work. Succeeded with the first, although he had his own physical limitations and is now retired, the second is a work in progress still.

But it sounds like you threw everything at it and if it just doesn’t work it doesn’t work. You’ve made the right decision and maybe your other horse will surprise you by growing to be a lot more lovable 🙂

It sounds like a difficult decision but the right one for both of you. We got our gorgeous boy 7 years ago after the lady who bought him decided she was terrified of him and I am so grateful she made that tough decision. My daughter bonded with him immediately, they are having a great time eventing at BE and because of how much she loves him and how much he has given her he will have a home for life with us. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to admit it's not working and do something about it.

No experience of selling a horse but my rabbit once gave birth to an unexpected litter. I couldn't bear to sell them and ended up keeping them all 🫣
You have valid reasons and you know it's the best option for him, you have his best interests at heart and it sounds like he will always have that special place in your heart.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow, you can do this xxx

RuperttheBearHug if you are so 'extremely anti-selling horses' how on earth did you manage to get two 'bad buys', or is selling ok when you are the buyer?

And to the OP, well done on making a tough decision, too many horses are just left idling in fields due to selfish owners who put their own feelings ahead of what may be better for the horse. I always worried that my DD's horse didn't like going out and about to competitions, but after lockdown he shot up the trailer ramp without us and always comes to the gate when he sees his trailer.

I haven’t been in exactly your situation, but my family have taken on others’ horses, loved them and they’ve lived out their long lives with us. It sounds like your horse is lovely and the new owner will probably be glad to keep sharing the horse’s progress with you if you want.

To those trashing @RuperttheBearHug I take exception to this. We bought a wonderful, exceptionally talented mare who we were told maybe had two or three more years to live before the pain in her hocks overtook her. She bravely gave no sign they were hurting her and proceeded to do some stunning jumping (we asked several vets on the way and they said anything that bucks that way cannot be hurting). Sometimes what is necessary for the horse is what hurts us.

How old is he? I think that matters. People
that sell on older horses boil my piss. They deserve better.
Selling younger horses is different.

It can sometimes work. We had a pony who was over 25 when we got him. He was jumping over 4’6 at that point and got the best of care.

@AlltheFs he's 9, almost 10. I've had him since he was 3.

@SOxon thank you, I'm really hoping for that kind of outcome, where he's completely happy and settled. If I knew he would be 100% happy for the rest of his days I wouldn't be so sad. It's largely the gut churning feeling of knowing once he's sold I can't guarantee his happiness anymore.

@MysticalMegx thank you, the rabbit story made me laugh because I could see myself doing the same thing!

Thank you everyone for responding. Once I finish my coffee I'm off to the yard to feed him and turn him out for a leg stretch before loading him up. I feel a tiny bit better this morning, still very sad but it's not quite as soul crushing. It's definitely the right decision, I just wish it wasn't and that I could keep him forever.

@EeesandWhizz i don’t really understand your tone or point. Sorry if I expressed myself badly. I meant that they probably weren’t sensible or appropriate purchases for me but I made the decision not to pass them on again. I am not judging the OP.

I just find it hard how it’s seen as so different to selling your dog and can’t bear horses going from home to home.

@ihateeverythingaboutthis good luck today. Remember you're doing the right thing. You've got all of our support. He's a young horse with lots of life and long years left in him and sounds like a wee dote so I'm sure someone will love him dearly. You're (hopefully) sending him off to a life of adventures and fun and love and you can be free of the guilt of not riding him and the worry of being scared of him.

Yes but then what often happens is they end up in a sorry state and passed on until they are knackered. Your sort of ending is what everyone kids themselves will happen.

Older equines should be loaned, not sold, so they die loved in a secure home. Ask any equine vet, they will tell you the horrific sights they see when people get rid of their older horses further down the line.

@ihateeverythingaboutthis 9 is
absolutely fine to sell, but why so many failed loans? Why do they fail? He may be one of those that continually gets sold on if there’s something wrong. But there’s nothing wrong with selling and giving him a good chance.

I’ve got a virtually unridden, expensive to keep 25 year old and can’t afford another. I know what it’s like to have that weight and guilt burden. I wouldn’t get rid of her because I owe her everything- but if she were 10 and healthy and I couldn’t keep her for whatever reason that would be different. Horses do need to be sold and bought, otherwise none of us would have any.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing for him and for you OP. Call me hard-hearted if you like but horses are working animals as well as pets and I don't think it does anyone much good keeping a healthy working age animal as a field ornament when they could be doing a productive job for someone else. It's really hard though so you have my sympathies.

If it helps at all I am a firm believer that in the majority of cases horses don't really bond with humans anywhere near as strongly as other animals e.g. dogs do. Yes they may know and trust their owner but if well cared for and handled/ridden correctly by someone else they're equally happy. I don't think they feel abandoned or miss their people or anything if they change hands. Similar to PP I recently visited my retired due to injury mare (on retirement livery not sold or loaned before anyone bites my head off!) that I hadn't seen in a few months and half expected a 'Black Beauty' moment, as she was always a particularly affectionate/'bonded' one but she wasn't really very interested, she was keener on grazing and sticking with her mates, she mooched over in the end for treats and a pat but I couldn't honestly say she seemed bothered by seeing me again.

It's much more important they're in a suitable environment with turnout etc than that they stay in the same ownership always, but I am sure you have done your homework in that regard. Would his new owner be happy to stay in touch, send the occasional text or picture just to reassure you he's doing well?

He's still young and probably will benefit from being in work. People in the real world have to sell horses op (or there would never be any to buy).

I just want to thank you all again for your messages, it really helps so much.

@AlltheFs the loans failed for a variety of reasons. The first was a junior competitor who loved him but granddad surprised her (and her parents) with a gorgeous warmblood for her birthday. Second loan I'm still angry about, I made it extremely clear he needed time to settle and daily turnout but he was returned two weeks later for not settling and "going a bit mental" when he was stabled 24/7 so they could save the winter fields (all the other horses were fine with it, they said). Third loan would have been perfect and they were really well suited but she lost her job and couldn't have him anymore. None of those were his fault and I so wish I could have found the right person but the stress of him coming back again was too much.

I'm ashamed to say I was relieved to see him walk onto the lorry this morning. I think that was the moment I realised how much stress this situation was causing, and despite having so many "why am I doing this, I can completely carry on with two, it's fine" moments over the last couple of weeks I'm grateful that I did. I just hope he's happy in his new home and that I get lots and lots of photos.

It’s completely different to selling your dog.

It is different to selling your dog, but it feels the same.

Oh, I didn’t intend to undermine your feelings in the least — it’s clear from the thread that you are very sad about it, but feel it was the right decision. My issue is with people who don’t see that horses are working animals, as well as (for some people) pets.

Just another support post. Its hard but you are doing the right thing! Different from selling a dog unless their is an underlying health reason for their bad behavior. Horses need handling, careful management and exercise - if this is not a match it can become very distressing and draining for one or both sides. Yes they are animals - but need skill, time and experience level to match them, which is suprisingly easy to get wrong from a viewing or two.

I've seen horses moved on to equally lovely homes where they are well loved and appreciated and gone on to compete etc with a teenager who loved their speed and quirks who were not a match in their first home.

Yes I've been there and it's heartbreaking. I lost my first horse after 11 years of loving the bones of her in an accident it broke my heart, devastating is not a strong enough word. I waited 4 years to get another and he was wonderful but I just couldn't manage my time and commitments and the part livery I had him under was financially crippling and the yard owner so awful I dreaded going there. So I gave him up to a charity and he retired there. I cried all the way there and back. But he had a wonderful retirement with them and I'm glad I did that for him he deserved it.

Sorry, I meant I understood you! I just also understand why people feel like they are pets. We get so attached to them, sometimes detrimentally so. I don't think they necessarily get as attached to us as we do to them, though.