Advice please - son had a fall, now scared to get back on horse

[HappyInL0nd0n]

Hi folks, looking for some advice here. We live in the countryside and there's a stables around the corner that my children have been regularly riding at since 2021.

My daughter is 7 (just trotting/ground work but she adores it and is making good progress) and my son, 5, used to have a weekly ride around the paddock being led by a helper which he loved (he only started about 6 months ago).

About 8 weeks ago, the pony he was riding was bothered by a fly and gave a thorough shake. My son slid off to the ground. He wasn't particularly hurt, but definitely got a fright. He remounted straight away and finished out the session so I underestimated how bothered he was by it, but he's refused to get back up since.

I haven't made any fuss about that whatsoever, or tried to persuade him otherwise. We all go to the yard together and he and I potter around feeding carrots to the ponies and playing outside the arena while my daughter rides, but it's increasingly on my mind that maybe it's getting more and more solidified in his head that there's an issue. He says he doesn't want to get back on a pony again, and he's the kind of kid that if you press hard, he'll totally dig in.

I'm not sure what to do. I can't stress strongly enough that I completely appreciate he's only 5 and if he never wanted to ride, that would be just fine with me. We're planning to maybe get a pony in a few years time if interest remains high, and I'd like him to have the opportunity to enjoy that should the time come but he's his own person, and maybe horses will never be his thing.

There's so much time ahead, and my instinct is not to put any pressure on the situation, but again, just wanted advice from more experienced horse folk. I just don't want one minor incident to put him off, or my mishandling to have made it worse, if that makes sense.

Any advice/experience of kids who had similar? Thanks a mill.

Oh, and we moved since I came up with that username 😁

For an older kid who was into riding I would 100% say get him back on but for a 5yr old there's no surer way of putting him off than to force him back on. My DD started riding at 3 then by 5 decided she wanted a break, she started back at 7 and now at 12 is a competent rider.
Just be guided by him and don't put any pressure on him to get back on.

Id leave it. He might want to after a while, he might never want to get back on. Both are fine. It’s a hobby and it’s meant to be fun. If he’s scared of getting back on that’s not fun!

We are a horse owning family . Our eldest rode from 2 and was fairly proficient , he had a fall at 7 on his second pony that was quite bad and hasn’t been on a horse , or particularly close to one since ( he’s now 30 ).We still own the offending pony . The younger one started later , rode for about 8 months from 5 ish , at riding school ( private lessons ) , had a non injury fall in canter one week and although she did go back she would only walk / trot and then stopped altogether about a month later . She was always still happy to be around the horses just never wanted to start riding again . I have many horse owning friends and the majority of us have non riding children .

I'd not press him at that age tbh. If he was a bit older or it was a much loved hobby then I'd say back on the horse, everyone loses confidence after a fall but at 5 you're more likely to put him off. Just leave him to it and ask him every month or so if he wants to get on. If he says no, fine.

I'd leave him be. He's only five.

He may want to ride again one day or he may not - you never know. Just leave it up to him ☺️

Thanks everyone for your replies - very much appreciated. Sounds like a good consensus on the 'no pressure' approach.

My friend's daughter A (6) had a similar experience on her Shetland. They only thing that made her get on was when another little girl B moved to the yard with her pony . She watched the other girl ride but didn't say anything. Then the new pony girl asked A and my daughter C if they'd like to ride her pony. My daughter jumped at the chance, A said no. B and C had lots of fun for a few days then Bs pony reacted to a flu/Tet jab and had to have some time off. A randomly offered her pony and before we knew it the three of them were taking turns getting on and off and walking round the school squeaking with laughter and inventing games together. They haven't stopped since. Sometimes it just takes time

Sometimes a different horse helps too. Maybe a friends horse or school horse?

Even if they're not otherwise ideal for him to ride.

My little niece had her shetland pony spook with her. She didn't fall but lost confidence in that pony. I took her for a walk up the road on my lesson horse and she was fine. Couldn't reach the stirrups mind but she regained her confidence.

Obviously there was no chance of her having him for lessons as he is way too big for her at 17hh and way too lazy to pay any attention to her attempt at leg aids but just getting on someone different really helped her.

Speaking as a former horsey kid I agree with no pressure approach. I did fall off and overcame my fears and got back on, but now I am old and creaky nothing would induce me to get back onto horses, much as I love them and love being around them. I recall once or twice as a kid, a friend I went riding with now and then had a panic attack and burst into tears at the thought of going out for a ride, she was so terrified. She had felt pressured by her parents to keep it up but had had enough. Of course I told her it was fine not to come out with me again and she was very relieved. Riding isn’t for everyone.

This is true. My daughter once injured her coccyx falling off a riding school pony who suddenly went a bit loopy in the winter months and bucked her off against the arena wall. Back then, she only started riding and lost her confidence, but just walking around on a different pony really helped her regain her confidence again.

She's now 13 and competes BSJA (having fallen off countless times since then 🤣).

Sometimes a different horse helps too. Maybe a friends horse or school horse?

This is definitely true. I only started learning to ride a few years ago and took a tumble from a horse while learning to canter. It really knocked my confidence and it took me months to canter on him again. But I had another go on a different horse and I was absolutely fine - I even galloped him down the beach.

My mental association was with that particular horse in the school and going in a particular direction. Getting my confidence back on another horse then switching back to the original horse really helped.

My friend's brother had exactly the same and he has never been on a horse since. Plenty get back on and are fine. Some need a bit longer. Play it by ear, if he doesn't go back to riding you have saved yourself a fortune!

My parents used to frequently ask if I was sure that I still wanted to ride, because so and so gave up after a fall, and reassured me that they didn't mind at all if I gave up. They would have quite liked me to give up, I didn't but lots of kids whose parents were keen did give up! Kids are contrary 🤷

I think you are doing the right thing by pottering around the yard, feeding carrots, maybe doing the odd bit of cleaning up or bucket filling. If he never rides again then that is his choice, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t enjoy being around horses and doing non riding stuff with them.

Ok so I'm going through this now. My son is 5 and obsessed with riding he loves it. He won't stop talking about it. He can trot, ride solo and go over poles. Is starting to gallop sometimes. They moved him to a more challenging horse as a newer student needed the horse he normally rides.

All great until he fell twice, when out and about not in the paddock. The horse he rides pulls down on the reigns a lot, taking my son with him. I also ride and help out at the yard.

Today we went for his lesson. He cried so much but he wasn't going home until ho mounted and solo rode even just walking. I took him out of the paddock. Which is where the incidents happened. Eating grass etc.

We started off for 15 minutes him crying and crying while walking the horse with the reins. Then I just picked him up and put him on and he held my hand for 50m or so and the saddle security strap ( no reigns). I purposefully encouraged the horse to pull down to eat the grass to make him relive the incident but this time he didn't fall. Then we entered the paddock I let go of his hands and just led the pony with the reigns. Then I made him do some balancing stuff like around the world, touching his toes. Then I made him take the reins and he did a couple of laps stopping and starting again. He was fine by the end. He will still have the fear next time and I've warned him about this.

I will take him twice more this week on a different horse and start from the beginning and build up again. I will take something he can have at the end of the session and have taught him some breathing and grounding exercises.

It depends on the child. He did the same with his skis when he fell off and he now skis like a looney. If in another few months he is still not happy we will stop but he must try and learn to overcome this first.

Each to their own @Liljohnwayne but I was never in the habit of making my children cry for 15 minutes over something that is totally unnecessary for them to be doing - different if they are crying about going into school / cleaning their teeth . It makes no difference that he stopped and enjoyed it in the end to me it’s cruel .

@Floralnomad didn't make him cry. He cried because he was understandably nervous and through talking it out aoond working through it he stopped and was fine. I do not see it as cruel. I see it as we took baby steps to help him over come something overwhelming him and he saw that in the end he could over come it. If he chooses not to continue then that's fine but at least he overcame something and proved to himself he can. Also if he was fine in the end I don't see the issue. So every time he finds something hard and or a bit scary he backs down and walks away?? Sometimes kids have to face what they fear. It's not about necessity of horse riding it's about facing fears and conquering them. That is important. I knew his limits and how far to go with him.

As I said each to their own , personally if my kid was crying about being near a horse I’d take them home and save the lessons about facing fears for things that are actually important . It’s just my opinion .

Horse riding is a bloody dangerous sport and to me it honestly sounds like madness that you would force a crying 5-year-old to do it against their will. My daughter is a teen and competes BSJA, always places, qualified for everything you can qualify for this season so far, always rides the crazy horses at her yard, very solid seat and yet a few days ago... she was doing her friend a favour and exercised her older horse in the school, not doing anything remotely dangerous, completely normal day, something she does daily without even thinking - she fell and was knocked unconscious and had a concussion (we don't actually know exactly what happened as she has no memory of it). It was bloody scary. I wouldn't deliberately make a 5-year-old do this if the poor boy doesn't want to.