Horses and exams

[theferry]

DD has a riding school share horse who she loves to death. She’s currently doing her Highers (we’re in Scotland. It’s the equivalent of A levels). I think it may be time to walk away from the share for the sake of her education. She’s dyslexic and takes a while to get stuff in to her head so she spends longer doing home work than your average child. She has cut down the days she goes to the stables from 7 days a week to 4 or 5 days. However, she’s still struggling to get through all her work. Her recent report was worrying—they’re currently predicting C/D grades. She needs BBBB to get into the university she wants. But I worry she may burn out if she doesn’t have an outlet for her stress. I’m interested in how others managed horses + exams? Any advice for me?

I don't think it's a horse issue, just a time one. What I will say is that horses are known for their abilities to help soothe a person's soul, and so if you can possibly keep it in her life, it would be good for her.
I wonder whether you would do well to sit down with your daughter for a chat about time management. Is she able to get measures in place at college to help with the dyslexia and her highers?

Ultimately education comes first but equally it is important for them to have a stress release. I managed my own horse + A levels but it meant getting up at 5am every morning and being very organised plus I didn't have the challenge of dyslexia.
Could you give up the share and go back to lessons or ask for a 1 day a week share although this may mean a different horse.
Horses are massively time consuming and many kids do give them up at this age for many reasons. I had to give up when I went to uni but picked it up after I had finished.

I had 3 horses and a pony when I was doing my A levels and managed just fine . Horses are so good for your mental health . I didn’t go to uni as I went into nursing and back in the day you did that in a nursing school at a hospital not in a university and that was more of a juggling act .

My daughter is dyslexic but was academically ambitious. She needed AAB and ultimately had to choose between her horse and studying. Being dyslexic, she needed more time to study than a non-dyslexic person. In reality, it was bringing forward the inevitable as she would not have been able to keep the horse when she went to university. She did get her grades and doesn’t regret the decision.

I wouldn’t pull away from the share but maybe agree a bit more of a cut down in days, ie just weekends and only one school day?

Thank you for your comments. To clarify things: we’ve spoken about time management and planning her work, but I’ll go in and she’ll have spent the last hour staring into space. She struggles to concentrate a lot and takes forever to get down to working. It’s not an efficient use of her time.

We spoke about whether she could continue with the horse a few weeks ago. She said she knew it had to stop, but she needed me to make the call as she was couldn’t do it herself. We agreed to give it until the October holidays to see if we can come to an arrangement that works. She’s now adamant that she can do both and doesn’t want yo stop. It doesn’t help that she spends hours at the yard as she gets caught up with gossip, helping others with their horses etc. I’ve told her to just do her horse and leave, but she’s not doing that.

I had a pony as a teenager so I’m aware of how beneficial horses can be in dealing with stress. I worry about her becoming isolated and burnt out if she doesn’t have the horse.

I desperately don’t want to be the one to take the horse away and I’m completely torn over which way would be the best for her.

OP does your daughter genuinely want to go to university or is it just something she thinks she ‘ought’ to do? The reason I ask is if she’s struggling now with time management and study skills, she’s likely to find it even harder at uni when you and her teachers aren’t there to prod her. University isn’t for everyone and as she’s doing highers she’d also be a year younger than most English first years. At some point very soon she’ll need to take responsibility for her own education - if she doesn’t want to do it for herself you can’t really make her ..

Try cutting it down to 2 days, maybe Saturday and one day mid week. It would be cruel to force her to give up entirely and won't help with her ability to manage stress.

@SoftSheen unfortunately she has to be there an absolute minimum of 4 days per week. Doing that consistently would risk pissing the owner off. It’s really meant to be at least 5 days a week for the majority of the time. We’ve been looking for a private share for a couple of days a week, but there’s nothing around here. She’d still have lessons every week and maybe more if we cancelled the share, but I know it wouldn’t be the same.

@Pleasedontdothat she does want to go to uni and I think she can do it. She definitely wouldn’t go at 17, however. She’d stay on for S6 and has a plan to take a couple more Highers and re-sit Maths. Then she may take a deferred entry and start uni at 19. That’s a good amount of time for her to mature and establish good study skills.

I had horses throughout school and uni and still do. Horses are possibly not the issue here and more her time management.

It sounds as though she could do with deciding on set times when she will do school work and time when she will do other things. Time pressure to get school work may even be helpful. She needs to feel she has something to show for any time spent studying.

Does she have any idea why she is procrastinating when she is meant to study?

She sounds like she needs huge support and focus on study skills. Backing off the horses is not going to help her if she's going to use the time unproductively.

Is she getting specific support from a school learning unit?

There's a lot online about study skills and tips for dyslexic people. Unhelpfully one size will not fit all but it's a place for you both to start.

Re the horses. As an ex pony mad teen I can understand how hard it is to let go. Something that helped me was understanding that if I didn't get to uni and get a decent job it would be highly unlikely to be a hobby I could afford as an adult. Sure I could work within the industry but family finances were never going to set me up for a nice life around that.

Why not see what her options are for the summer holidays? Could she work full time at the stables she loves? Elsewhere? Horse riding holiday? Something to look forward to at the end of the exams? But it does sound like she needs to drop it entirely after half term.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams i had that exact conversation with her yesterday—-she won’t be able to have a horse in the future unless she gets a good job.

She's agreed to look after two horses at the stables today, which I’m annoyed about as she’s going to be there all day. I’m in agreement with an OP that this is more about a sense of responsibility/commitment to her work than a horse problem.

As everyone is saying, this isn't a horse problem, it's a study skills/time management problem.

Getting rid of the horse won't suddenly make her study.

I think it depends on how organised she is and how much she cares about her exams. I was very motivated to do well in my a levels (did 4, offer from Oxford) and had a horse. I still rode and went x4 per week but my lovely mum who is also horsey picked up lots of the slack with the jobs. And often riding involved getting up at 5am Togo before School or doing homework after at 10pm. I mostly stopped competing which I had been doing a lot.

I'm now a teacher and I would say that most (not all) students are better for having something else on on their life other than school - it gives them a bit of perspective and self esteem when things go wrong. But I would say it's hard work with horses!

Does she definitely want to go to uni? Or would she like a few years working with horses, before maybe going to uni later? She sounds very keen, and if she struggles with focus then uni may not be the right choice right now as well?

She could look at learning a skill (saddle fitting, dentistry etc) so that she could have a career with horses, rather than just being a groom or similar?

If that's what she's focused on, maybe that is the way to go, for now at least?

Fwiw, I teach a number of students with horses and some manage it really well, and some don't. Some have a lot of family help, some are really organised, and some have no help and struggle with balancing everything. It's very much down to the individual and sometimes down to what they want more and how easy they find school work too.

Horses take up way too much time. I know 100% I would have got far better grades had I not spent so much time at the yard. It is just time consuming and if you have the chance to stop it without her resenting it, then definitely do it. I stopped for several years, then started again in my 30s and was lucky enough to have some excellent horses and compete at HOYS and RIHS until I gave up again when having a child, then restarted back at the same level a few years later. It is one hobby which you can pick up and put down.