6 yo rider going backwards

[HornungTheHelpful]

My 6 yo son has been riding on and off for two years. In the last 6 weeks or so he’s started to go backwards: is scared of the pony, doesn’t want to ride, can’t do rising trot. I’m at a loss. He rides own pony at home with me or with instructor. Nothing has happened. He’s just started being like this. Any ideas? I’ve got him some padded pants as think it may be that but not convinced (and they haven’t turned up yet). Anything else you think might be going on? He loves looking after the pony and being round him on the ground. It’s the riding

If he doesn’t want to don’t make him, it will make it worse, let him look after the pony, find some fun stuff to do in hand - in hand showing, in hand le trec, teach them some tricks and let him enjoy the pony from the ground.
If he wants to give up also, let him.

Fear factor kicks in around this age. My ds was totally cavalier towards danger then all of a sudden fear appeared. As others have said, I wouldn't push it.

I thought you meant literally going backwards!

its difficult though isn’t it? Letting someone give something up. Especially a child. Do they really want to quit or is it a rough patch? At this age they don’t know. And I’m particularly concerned about that if he is scared. We all have to do things we’re scared of. We can’t just quit. That being said he’s keen until it comes to getting on. Might try some of the in-hand stuff. That’s a good plan

Has the pony done anything (ridden or in hand) that might lead to fear? Young children don't always understand pony behaviour and can get frightened by things like normal squabbles in the field, or similar.

I'd take off all the pressure, and just let him do what he is happy to do, whether that's in hand, riding at walk, just grooming his pony or similar. If the pressure is off, he may start wanting to ride again.

Does he get to do much hacking? If there's somewhere safe you can hack, that can be more fun for young children than lessons.

So did I!

Thanks. We hack a fair bit but when I have his sister’s with me as well it’s hard to manage. But yes, I think no pressure probably the way to go. I haven’t seen anything and he’s happy on the ground with the pony, says he wants to ride and then when it gets towards getting on he suddenly doesn’t want to. Happy to groom etc so not sure what’s gone wrong. Says trotting hurts his tummy, which made me think he’s catching himself, hence the padded pants.

Thanks for all your thoughts

Both of mine gave up after completely losing interest around the age of 5. The Pre schools years they are shoot just to do what mummy dies. And if that’s ponies, then that’s what they do. Come age 5 or so the fear factor kicks in and they become aware of other things to do, school and friends.
My eldest came back at age 7/8 and now age 11 is keen as mustard. Hoping the younger one does too x

Tired and emotional from back to school maybe a factor? It might not be something directly linked to riding, but the riding is taking the brunt of it after a tiring day.

I'd actually just leave him doing the bits he likes for a week or two, maybe set up some inhand stuff he could do like obstacles courses/handy pony to keep the pony's brain going. He will probably not be able to resist the urge to hop back on after a week or two off. Assuming you've got the sort of pony that isn't too bothered and doesn't require lots of work-easier this end of the year than in spring as well I guess!

Our son gave up at 8 after a nasty fall and our daughter gave up at 6 , she still enjoys being around the horses . I know quite a few families with horse owning parents where the children aren’t interested or give up fairly young . Neither of mine ever showed any interest again . Eldest and his pony are now both 30 !

Join Pony Club - pick one if you have a choice near you that has a large contingent of boys under 10 and does fun things like mounted games, tet and tri on top of the ridden rallies Suddenly he'll be among a cohort of similar and will want to do it better than his friends.

Advice from @Ariela is good. The ones who stick at it are the ones who have a good gang of like minded mates to run round with.

I’m about to move from my absolutely idyllic sole use yard, to a livery yard full of christen for this exact reason.

A lot of children do lose interest. I think the “mummy does it” factor starts to wear off. If they hate it I would let them quit. It’s not maths or English, it’s a pony. They’ll only resent it.

The tummy hurting thing sounds familiar, a lot of little kids say their tummy hurts when actually they're feeling anxious/stressed/big feelings they can't quite work to out or express yet, they're not precisely making up the tummy ache, it's more that the distress gets expressed as pain and wanting comfort. Not to say you're deliberately distressing him of course and it's quite possible he enjoys himself one minute and wants to do it then is suddenly anxious the next, I think all you can do is be kind but clear on boundaries with him and what's negotiable (like riding) and what isn't (like school or doing chores or whatever) and let him work the rest out for himself in due course.

Riding isn't for all kids (fair enough, it can be scary even on a well behaved pony at low speed) and maybe he's just had enough for now, to a point he'll want to copy you and his sisters but at a certain time they want to be their own person and do their own thing and that's fine too. He may come back to it or he may not, it's kind of a lottery with kids, often the ones pushed (not talking tiger mom style, just that parents and/or siblings are horsey and it would be convenient for the kid to be too) aren't the most bothered and would rather do football or ballet or whatever, whereas the kids whose parents haven't a clue and are being dragged along for the ride (literally!) are the most enthusiastic of all. Life's funny that way sometimes.

Advise him to dress upwards to the side, not have it tucked down between his legs. When you're still learning rising trot it is somewhat jarring and if he's landing with his hips tipped forward he could be essentially bashing himself in the groin every other stride.

Also does his saddle fit his seat? At 6 they grow fast.

At my riding school I find I hate riding one horse as his saddle doesn't fit me and sitting the trot is downright painful as its too high in the front.

Otherwise are we talking anxious stomach ache? Has his pony spooked lately? I fell off my favourite horse after a spook, it was my first fall and I completely lost my confidence. I went from trotting over poles to being led around by my instructor for weeks and just felt sick with anxiety at the idea of trotting, even on the lunge.

We all have to do things we’re scared of. We can’t just quit.

Nobody has to ride a horse. And yes, he should quit or take a break if he's not enjoying it anymore.

You clearly love horses if you own one at home but that doesn't mean he has to love it too.

@andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow, clearly yes. He will make his own mind up. But there is nothing wrong with learning perseverance on the things that you don’t have to do, so that you have it there when it comes to the things you do have to do. I’m also aware that there were many things when I was a child that I wanted to quit at various points and I was grateful my parents didn’t let me. Horse riding was one of them. Ditto piano. I strongly believe that finding something hard or being a little scared is not a reason to give up. It also doesn’t equate to not enjoying it. As I’ve said several times above he likes horses and enjoys grooming, leading and cuddles. He also wants to ride until shortly before he gets on.

I have thought long and hard and don’t believe I am projecting my desires on to him. I have my own horses and I don’t need him to fulfil my ambitions. I do think it would be to his benefit to learn that if you keep going when something is tough you come through it.

in any event he had a lovely time today. A friend of mine helped him and he had so much fun and was riding much better. I’m really grateful for all the ideas - and we’ll take it slow and make it fun. We’ll also try pony club though it’s hard to manage based where we are. Finally, thank you to all of you who have made me consider whether I am just pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to. I don’t think I am but I’ll keep reviewing the situation.

When my youngest went through a phase of being frightened we stopped regular classes and did some vaulting sessions. Great fun but the horse is controlled by the person lunging and the kids just have to work on their seat and have fun. She did it for about a year then chose to go back to regular riding. If it weren't their thing, if either of my kids asked to stop, then that's fine too.

Are you able to find a pony club that does mounted games? It's a really good way of having fun with a pony as well as learning new skills.

Mates make a massive difference. Ds is 9 and not interested in riding unless it's a fun hack with another kid. Things like a treasure hunt or fancy dress for Halloween type thing. Dress up is always fun, would he like a hack in his favourite world book day outfit or whatever? And stuff like a trec/handy pony course in the school, do it inhand first with the option to ride it once obstacles have been mastered.

They get the fear factor at this age. What helped ds at 7 when it kicked in, was a fall! He flopped out the side door into wet sand and I laughed so much at the shock on his face, and him plastered in wet sand it was funny rather than scary.

Please ignore previous comment! Thought i was starting a new thread

Could his sisters have something to do with this? Could something have been said or happened that you’re not aware of?

Great idea to do grooming and things that are not riding to keep him engaged and bonded with the pony.

Once he’s confident If you think he is catching himself you could try just walking round with him riding. Nothing faster. Walk only. Perhaps even with you on walking on foot leading him or in front playing follow the leader or something calm and not painful or scary. Back to basics to overcome his fear. Short baby steps lessons to overcome whatever is in his head.

Thanks for all the perspectives - I'm genuinely grateful to everyone who has come to give their views. I appreciate that some don't agree with me as to not stopping when he doesn't want to keep going. It has really given me pause for thought. My Mum never let me quit anything and in some ways I'm grateful for that and in other ways I think I would have been a happier person if I had stopped things. So I don't know what is right here. I'm also very aware that he has a tendency to be inflexible and that he needs to develop skills to accommodate others, which if he does develop them will help him to be happy. I think this feeds into my insistence that he has to do things that he doesn't want to. What he does and doesn't want is currently governed by what he is interested in at that minute (if he's doing Lego he doesn't want to go to rugby, if he's doing a jigsaw he doesn't want to sit done for dinner etc) and I think maybe I'm trying to tackle this in a cack-handed way. Back to the drawing board on that one!

All that being said, we have used some of the suggestions - groundwork, going back to basics, we will try pony club but he needs to do a bit more at home first, walking hacks etc, riding with someone who isn't me, and he is enjoying it a lot more. Last weekend he appeared at breakfast already in his jodhpurs because he wanted to go riding and he is really enjoying things like grooming. He's now picking out feet and catching pony on his own (under watchful supervision) and he's loving the independence of that. We're also teaching the pony to bow - which is very funny so we are all having fun!

Still welcoming all and any perspectives! But thank you xxx

I'd definitely look at pony club,, especially tetrathlon, as with the run, shoot (or beanbag throwing at his age) they really do make some amazing friends, which really keeps them going when they do hit the inevitable rough patch. Mounted games, again is brilliant for improving skills and confidence, and setting up handy pony courses at home now takes their mind off their worries as they have to concentrate on the tasks, all the while improving steering, balance and riding one handed etc. Through winter keep sessions short and sweet where possible, as getting really cold was one thing that nearly stopped my daughter riding. HY do fantastic fleece lined joddy boots, by the way!

My granddaughter didn’t want to ride today so we did ‘groundwork’, she built a course involving water and jumps, super fun! I told her it was important‘training’