Lost my nerve after a fall - any advice?

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Looking for some different perspectives on what to do....

We bought my warmblood mare last year as a 4 year old just backed, and spent the summer just bumbling around really - hacking, low level schooling and a few fences, lunging, long-lining etc. and then turned her away for a winter break. Fast forward to this year and she came back from her break really well and was really making progress. That all seemed to change when we had an accident during a flat work lesson. She had been amazing but then came round a corner, had a spook and then literally threw herself on the floor, with me on board. We were both very shaken and I couldn't physically ride for a few weeks because I was so sore and bruised. I did all of the usual things, had her checked, had her saddle checked, Physio sessions etc and was told that it was just a freak accident and given the all clear. I've started working her again now but she's clearly still out of sorts and if I'm honest I feel petrified for the first time in my riding life. I can't stop thinking about what could have happened. In truth I really don't want to ride her as I'm worried that she might go over on me again, and I'm now racking myself with guilt that I will end up ruining what is a lovely horse with lots of potential because she will pick up on my anxiety.

My YO is very experienced with youngsters and very helpful (which is lovely) but this also makes it difficult for me to admit that I'm finding things tough and have lost my nerve. Her view is that I should just push through this. For context I'm riding both my daughters ponies with no problem so I've not lost my nerve to ride, just my nerve to ride my mare.

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how on earth did you manage to get out the other side? Unsure whether I send my mare away for schooling, try and get an instructor that can come and work with me everyday for a short while (usual instructor is not close enough so this isn't possible with her) or do I admit defeat and look to sell her? I'm really miserable and torn on what to do so any words of wisdom would be much appreciated!

If she’s out of sorts in somewhat way? Has she been scoped and had her teeth checked (by a dentist not a vet) as I feel ulcers and teeth are overlooked.

Personally, and I mean this kindly, if you are a scared of her I wouldn’t carry on trying to produce her, it’ll go wrong. Young horses need a confident hand.
Whereabouts are you? I know a really excellent rider who breaks/schools, she’s not the hippy dippy NH type, but a very kind, quiet, sensible rider. I know a few people who’ve sent theirs to hers for schooling and they’ve all been delighted. Happy to PM you.

I would also say; it’s meant to be fun. It’s too expensive not to be! And there would be no shame in selling a horse you are scared of/dread riding

Teeth have been done recently (a few months ago) I haven't had them done again since the fall though. I haven't scoped for ulcers as she's not showing any other symptoms of being ulcery if you know what I mean. That's not to say that would rule out having this done, just that it's not an obvious red flag at this point. I completely take your point about trying to produce her whilst feeling anxious about riding - it's so weird for me as I've always been a pretty confident type, but this particular incident has definitely rocked me - must be because I'm not a spring chicken anymore! I would definitely explore the option of sending her for schooling so any recommendations would be great. We are in North Kent.

As you know warmbloods are notorious for this and take a long time to mature mentally. My friend has got an exceptionally well bred warmblood from one of the top studs in the UK and at 9 years old he is only just starting to be rideable without losing his head over nothing! She has been exactly where you are numerous times and just pure stubbornness has stopped her selling him.
Obviously get her checked out for teeth/pain/saddle fitting etc but to me this does scream Warmblood alert!
While this is all part and parcel of horse ownership I do think you may have to consider whether he is the right horse for you. This is the reason I avoid warmbloods because they don't mature until much later and can still be unpredictable. You need to be very honest with yourself and think are you willing to accept this for a few years to come?
Always work with an instructor who is experienced with the breed that you have got and yes it is always worth having them ride your horse but at the end of the day you have to be able to ride your horse otherwise it is a very expensive hobby for zero return.

Could you maybe pay for professional rider to come ride and you can watch her ridden without doing similar to ease your nerves. Falling is part of the package and seems you were getting on well before, sometimes they just have off days. I myself am resigned to more ploddy types as ride to relax not for thrills these days. As gorgeous as WB types are.

I don't know, if your gut is telling you she's not quite right I suspect that might be the case, I know you've had checks but unless you've thrown the full works at her, scans, nerve blocks, X rays etc no-one can really be sure, it does sound like a dramatic incident and even if she was physically perfect beforehand it wouldn't be surprising if she hurt herself during it and/or is frightened and remembering the pain. My friend had a warmblood gelding who'd do the escalating spooks and throw himself on the floor thing and despite multiple professionals/vets telling her he was physically fine and 'just a drama queen', 'typical sharp warmblood', 'you just need to ride him through it' etc he was eventually found to have several quite serious physical problems going on, by this time it was impossible to say if some of it was inherent and driving the spooky behaviour or if he'd injured himself in one of his episodes but either way it was a bit of a vicious circle.

Not saying you need to go down the expensive vet investigation route with little to go on but I'd keep in mind discomfort and/or anxiety anticipating discomfort may be driving a lot of her behaviours. The trouble with sending her away for schooling or getting a pro in is that a more forceful rider can really mask a horse in physical pain or fear (and by forceful I don't mean the obvious pulling around or smacking with whips or tieing head down with gadgets, sometimes just very simple, effective, strict riding can 'force' compliance in a somewhat reluctant but willing horse), so she might come back to you 'cured' but then perhaps regress when you take back over, unless your chosen pro is prepared to work with you as a partnership on a more long-term basis.

I think if it was me I might be tempted to give her a bit of a break now, couple of weeks or months at grass and just chill out, maybe mature a bit more and hopefully fix any niggling physical doubts. Do some groundwork and conditioning with her over the summer if you don't want to rough her off completely and then get her restarted in the autumn very slowly and sympathetically by someone that understands anxious warmblood youngsters well and will be alert to any pain symptoms. I know this will be disappointing as I'm sure you were looking forward to a fun summer but she is only 5, she's just a baby and possibly immature physically/mentally too so time and patience may make a huge difference to her and so on to your confidence in her. That's if you want to persist of course, there would be no shame in saying she's maybe not what you need in a ridden horse at this stage of your life and finding her a good experienced home and maybe look for a quieter, more confidence giving older horse for yourself?

I ride a school horse, real schoolmaster type. More woah than go, plods about but will step it up for the more confident riders. Used to compete in showjumping in his youth so well used to hustle and bustle and noise. Until he absolutely shat himself at the sound of a pole falling down, spooked and had me off.

When I could finally draw breath after winding myself landing on my back I looked up to see him standing quietly next to me looking as embarrassed as I have ever seen a horse look.

They all spook sometimes. I've not fallen off him before or since.

I've worked with several people who've lost their riding confidence (having been there, done that many, many times myself!). There's a part of your subconscious mind that's suddenly decided riding is scary and must be avoided. It can be persuaded to change!