Nerves around child riding

[MumLostConfidence]

I’m hoping other mums can offer some advice.

My daughter (8) has ridden all of her life. I have older children, and we had ponies for them (and my now retired horse) when she was born, so she literally rode before she could walk. She is a neat little rider, not especially gung ho, just happy to be in the saddle and around horses. My other (much) older children lost interest once out of ponies and no longer ride, by DD is still very keen.

We bought her a new pony almost a year ago. He’s a genuine first ridden, a kind and very steady boy. He has an occasional spook, but it’s low level. I don’t think we could find anything safer for her. She has regular lessons with her PC instructor, and is a keen Pony Club member. She absolutely adores her pony, and loves riding (without any real ambition, which is nice).

The problem is that I have really lost my nerve! She has a bad fall in the summer, and although she bounced back and was out and about again as soon as she could be (with a little less confidence, but she never once didn’t want to ride), I don’t seem able to move past it. The “what ifs” play over in my mind (it was one of those falls which really could have been a lot worse than it was), and I’m so nervy now when she’s riding (which is more days than not). Since her fall she always wears a back protector (she was also wearing one when she fell) and now has many items of expensive kit which I’ve bought to try to make everything safer, but still the worry persists.

I had equally bad falls myself in my younger days and (much like she has) wore them as a badge of pride (being treated by paramedics and taken to A&E made her something of a Pony Club celebrity…), but it is so different as a mum! I didn’t think I’d ever hear myself say this but I’m starting to wish she’d lose interest like her siblings did. I’m really dreading this season - I can’t not take her to Pony Club events (we have a few during the Easter hols), she loves it and has lots of PC friends - but this comes with a whole lot of anxiety for me now.

Any advice from other horsey mums would be welcome. The awareness that riding is a risk sport is always at the front of my mind now, and however much I try to hide this from DD, I’m sure she is picking up on my nerves too. I’m not generally terribly anxious, but the fall last summer has changed that in relation to DD’s riding. Obviously I have brought her up to love horses and the sport, so I’m not sure that it would be reasonable to now limit her participation, but letting her head off round a XC course again is a truly terrifying thought.

I don't get that nervous about xc but I get ridiculous about show jumping and I'm afraid to say the only thing that stops it is beta blockers and occasionally gin

I don't want dd to catch my nerves!

How old is she - could you get her an air jacket?

I'd take a look at this thread, OP as it turns out is living abroad and so her kids are riding in a different context but I think a lot of the advice is pertinent

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_tack_room/4767734-safety-for-child-horse-riding

Of course riding is a risk sport, no-one can deny that, but actually serious accidents involving children are vanishingly rare (so much so that of course when they do happen you tend to hear a lot about them which can distort the risk a lot in your mind). PC activities (on a safe/suitable pony, properly taught and supervised and wearing the right kit) are really very safe. I say this kindly and as someone who has suffered from a lot of nerves about my own kids riding, but you need to try and reframe in your mind from thinking about the worst case scenario and the one time she did hurt herself and all the what-ifs to looking at all the many, many times she and her siblings and other kids have ridden and it been absolutely fine, nothing bad at all has happened. Those times will far, far outnumber the times there's bee frightening incidents. And even the one time she did fall, I know you say it could have been worse which I'm sure is true, but also statistically speaking it was far more likely that she didn't fall at all (out of hundreds of rides she presumably has only fallen a few and this was likely a freak/unforseeable incident), or that she would fall but not hurt herself. So it's actually more that she was very unlucky to have fallen and gotten injured, not that she was very lucky not to have been worse hurt, if you see what I mean? It's not minimising the scariness of what did happen, just trying to reframe it a bit in your mind? Also, without trying to deny the reality of your feelings (like I say, been there), the more you tell yourself you are being irrational, squash down the feelings and force yourself into being positive and seeing her have a lovely and safe time, the more you will reinforce whatever synapse/cognitive process it is in our brains that lets us sleep at night/walk down the street/drive down the motorway without panicking and melting down on a daily basis despite being aware of the real risks of horrible things happening to us and our children, because we'v had enough positive experiences where those terrible things haven't happened to 'override' the big flashing 'danger alert!' warning going off in our primitive brains...

On a side note, please don't get her an air jacket, a good body protector yes of course but I really wouldn't trust an 8 year old with anything that attaches to a gas cannister. I've seen enough adults (never mind children!) forget they're 'plugged in' and jump off their horse, or have what would otherwise be a minor 'slide off' type fall but be unable to unhook themselves in time and pull on the cord on the way down, causing an almighty 'bang', scaring the beejezus out of the poor horse who of course pisses off in a hurry and probably more likely causes an accident than prevents one - I'm sure they are fabulous if you do come off at speed, otherwise why would 5 star eventers wear them but not for the absent of mind! I'm not sure they even sell them for children, probably for this reason?

They are very good if you come off at speed amd they do make them for children! I wear one for hacking having seen dds work so well.

But @maxelly is right for rallies they probably aren't a good idea due to the bang.

Air jackets aren’t allowed at our PC’s rallies as they cause more problems than they solve in group sessions

I agree. My son has one so they definitely do make them for children. Obviously you have to be mindful in a group setting. He has never forgotten to unclip it and he has the most dreadful memory. There are occasions he doesn't wear it but for xc he always has it on.

To answer your original post I worry hugely about him riding since he had a dreadful accident a few years ago. He has bounced back remarkably well but I honestly feel sick when he is riding. I try my hardest not to show it and I don't think he has realised. I'd never stop him doing the thing he loves but I wouldn't be sorry if he did!