I've had my horse for 3 years now. She arrived just before the first lockdown and had been out of work for a while so it was a bit of a slow start getting her going with fitness etc. Over 2021 we started getting out and about a bit and did some local shows etc (jumping) and had a good time apart from one 6 week wobble in behaviour in the Autumn when we had issues with rearing when overexcited/stressed and reacting to horses coming past her in group lessons. When I say rear, it isn't huge hi ho silver with risk of going over it is more of a controlled statement of "no".
Then all was good again for about 6 months until May last year. Since then we have developed a problem with her not wanting to go into the ring and having to be assisted in by stewards/other lovely helpful people etc. Normally just planting and refusing to move but sometimes with the rearing. Once in she goes forward fine, if a bit tense, then relaxes as soon as done the first jump and seems to enjoy the rest of it.
I've been trying really hard to work on this, doing lots of back to basic groundwork and working to get her to respond better off the leg (she can be quite lazy and I had fallen into the trap of nagging her), which does seem to be improving how she goes overall.
At the same time, since last summer she has started being a bit nappy when hacking as well when previously she has always hacked really well.
I thought we were getting somewhere with it all and that it was getting better - we went to a clear round event with a trainer recently and she was foot perfect with no drama and it felt like having the trainer there was a waste of time (for this issue, still helpful for riding the course).
Then, only a week or so later we had a complete disaster day where she wouldn't even contemplate leaving the warmup to the ring, had to have another horse come in with us and the steward helping.
I am at my wits end with it. I have tried talking to a few trainers/coaches about it but most seem to only really deal with the jumping a course etc rather than behaviour problems. I have found one I really like recently who gave me some tips on the napping which worked really well (have only had one opportunity to use it as she doesn't always do and wet ground has limited hacking options lately) and I am having another lesson with her soon. It's just so hard as it's so inconsistent and typically she behaves when instructor is there!
I don't really know what I'm looking for from this post, I'm just completely miserable and don't know what to do. All I want is to be able to go out and about to a few local events and have a fun time with no drama - I should add she had been a SJ in the past and I'm only doing very little courses and she is most definitely not being overfaced. When she wants to do it she does it with ease.
But I also want her to be happy and don't want to make her do it if she really doesn't enjoy it (though she seems like she does a fair amount of the time). I feel like I've ruined her as she wasn't like this before and I just want the horse back that I had :-(
I've put my heart and soul (and a not inconsiderable amount of money with trailer etc) into this over the last 3 years after taking the leap to go back into having a riding horse (have an old retired horse as well that she lives with) and feel like I've lost my identity if I have to give up on it now - my career has stalled over the last few years and I've thrown my energy into this instead to get some fulfilment and sense of achievement. I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't ride but totally lacking in motivation to do anything at the moment, I'm rubbish with just pottering about doing things, I need to have a goal/reason for it.
She's up to date with back/teeth/saddle etc, have spoken to vets and experienced horse people who agree they don't think it's pain related as it happens so randomly and other times she is absolutely golden.
If anyone has any success stories from coming back from similar situations that would be much appreciated!