Yard Bully - Everyone else is happy and friendly!

[DappleGreyBailey]

Long story - Sorry!! But we need help!
We have a problem livery at our yard who has been there for years before 2016 when the current "Yard manager" (not really a yard manager as she doesn’t manage, and we are free to do as we please - the rent is paid to the farmer- not her) moved onto the farm. This problem livery has a seriously rude attitude and has bullied people off the yard due to her antics, she's got 3 horses (the poor state of her horses is another matter!) and doesn’t like anyone new coming to the yard; in her head she has been there the longest, so this is HER yard. I moved onto there with my youngster and retired horse in September 2022 and so far, we have had 4 people leave and other family planning to leave. 3 of these people have told me that they have had problems with this lady and that they can't handle her anymore, so they moved. It is very clear that this problem livery lady is a bully and the worst kind of bully there can be. It is also clear that she has some sort of control over the yard manager as she can do no wrong in her eyes and lies to protect her! Once of the reasons we moved to this yard was because it was so relaxed - no rules as such and we can manage our horses how we want. They can live out in winter which is what I would like for them.

I have always kept out of her way and just smiled to her up until last week when she shouted at me to turn my "Fu Head torch off" whilst I was walking behind her (no where near her so I wasn’t blinding her) and so I apologised and turned it off - then stumbled around in the dark not being able to see a thing. As I then walked past her, she muttered to herself "Fu* Stupid Bi**" so I turned around and asked her what she said, she grunted something and then I told her to please watch her tone and attitude as its not acceptable and its not going to work on me. This then infuriated her, and she stomped back off to the yard and when I got back from tending my horses, I found my area within the barn completely turned upside down - plastic boxes had been smashed and cracked, 6 wooden pallets have been thrown over, Feed bins knocked over and lids fallen off, grooming kit everywhere, a stack of 6 bales of hay pushed over and the bailing twine cut - so it was everywhere!! There was no-one else was at the yard at that point so it was clearly her, also I had been to my area that morning and it was all in shape. I reported this to the yard owner and was told that she had spoken to this woman and that she claims she had not been anywhere near my area. She then followed up the text to say it was probably one of the yard cats… the cats at the yard are tiny, scrawny little things and could not do so much damage. It is also coincidental that this happened after I confronted her that night.

This was last week. Since then, the yard top gates have been locked twice whilst people are on the yard so they can't get their cars out to go home or get in, these are big metal gates that we never close or lock as the driveway to the farm is about a mile long. There have been things go missing from people's areas. One guy found her horse wearing his horse's rug, it was a fluorescent Orange rug so very noticeable and then the next day he had his horse's electric fence clean cut with scissors and horses were found loose up by the field. She also has popped off at someone on the other side of her field for their horse running around and causing her horse to go lame threatening her with vets' bills… They are horses and the ground is frozen… not great but what can you do apart from keep them in.

My issue is that we can keep trying to nip things in the bud when they occur with her as we are not going to be bullied off a yard that we love, however all she is going to do is scream at us to get off the yard and then go and trash something or do something vindictive when someone dares to confront her. The yard manager, the one who lives on the land, is totally under her control and hold. She goes off in a strop on the phone to the Yard manager and lies completely. All other liveries are wrong with their findings, and nothing is a coincidence.
But how can we prove or catch her in the act to be able to change things! There is no CCTV set up at the yard.

Erm. I'd have been looking for somewhere else when the fence was cut tbh.

Get a wildlife / trail camera. Set it up somewhere discrete in your area/ stable / tree overlooking the yard.

She sounds bonkers, I would leave or serve notice and suggest you'll return when she's no longer on the yard.

It's clearly ruining your enjoyment of the farm, once the farmer becomes aware all his liveries are leaving and is income is drastically cut they'll start to wake up.

Jeez, I think you need to leave, sorry. I came on here all prepared to say all yards have queen bees and cliques and you just need to ignore and keep yourself to yourself but this goes way beyond normal yard politics. The damage to your stuff is bad enough but then cutting the electric fence means even the potential for horses to get loose and cause really serious damage to themselves or other people won't stop her, what will it be be next? And the YM really didn't care about who cut the fence with scissors and let horses loose? That's really bad.

The suggestion of a hidden camera might work but you'll need an awful lot of them to cover every angle on the whole property and if the yard manager is as under the thumb as you suggest (and the actual owner totally disinterested) then I'm sure she'll find some way of explaining away whatever it is or twisting it to be someone else's fault and knowing people have been covertly filming might well cause her to kick off worse. I'd just find somewhere else to go, I know finding 24/7 turnout is a total PITA esp this time of year but you need to know your horses are safe and right now you can't have that guaranteed with this lunatic at large... even if a group of you convinced the YM or the owner to evict her and her horses (pure commercial reality might mean the owner prefers to lose her and her 3 horses and possibly the YM too, rather than all the rest of his liveries but a large number of you would all need to be on the same page and stand firm together to make this happen, you'd have to be prepared to follow through), it won't happen overnight and she won't go quietly, I'd be really worried about what she'd do in revenge TBH...

why can't everyone get together and have it out with her once and for all turn the tide I'm sure she wouldn't be as threatening then when everyone pipes up against her.
I use to have horses and sadly I found it to be the case that horse people are the worse kind I met so many bullies and bitchiness that in the end I was glad to no longer have my horse and not have to deal with people like that ever again.

If the YO won’t hear any of this you’re flogging a dead horse. I would leave. This woman doesn’t sound stable and I’d worry my horses would be targeted.

If the yard manager / owner is on her side it won’t matter what you say or what evidence you get as it will be twisted in her favour , just look for a new yard before your horse gets injured .

Leave. The yard owner should have sorted this crap out. This livery obviously rules the roost

Leave

I have left yards over much less than this, the atmosphere must be terrible and I wonder what the horses make of it. I know it is difficult but she sounds like she has a violent temper no respect for others, in the end this is a hobby to enjoy and horses and stuff is quite vulnerable if people aren't trustworthy

Leave. If her horses are badly kept/treated then report her but otherwise get the fuck out of there. And send the farmer, the person who's losing money because of her, a link to this thread.

Thank you all for the replies, The atmosphere has been quite tense, however everyone else on the yard has said their bit to her also and it may have worked slightly. It has gone quiet this week and people have not seen her since Thursday. There is a large bale in her field and she has asked the Yard "Managers" Husband to roll another in once the current has gone. I had filled her horses water buckets last night as they had no water and were pawing at the buckets so she has either not turned up since Thursday or have been tending to them at strange times to avoid people. Not good on her poor horses.
I have told yard manager and farmer that if she does carry on it would result in people leaving and his "pocket money" dwindling to nothing. He was shocked and has told myself and another lad at the yard to keep him informed. Thankfully no more confrontations with people at the moment - she is a very nasty, insecure and sad little woman. I have advised anyone who has asked me about her to keep their phones on them where they can to take pictures and document anything strange or out of order so they have evidence and will not be words twisted to her buddy yard manager.

Yard manager is generally a very lovely, elder lady who lives on the farm and has a horse however is loaning her horse out so doesn't see or hear a lot of the daily antics. Liveries do not tend to bombard her on a daily basis so the tattle-tale is all coming from the bullies mouth which is brainwashing her. They will soon shoot themselves in their own foot.

I feel like I have met this person on horseback when I was out for a run at dusk.

This is going to go above and beyond what you will be able to cope with. She obviously has serious issues and could escalate badly.

leave

If I was on a yard where it was acceptable that someone would cut fencing, I'd leave. I don't particularly enjoy drama and my horses welfare comes first.

If she has damaged your personally owned property, can you not report her to the police? And if she's putting her own animals or other animals health or safety at risk, surely that's a police/rspca matter too?

I would probably leave too but I would also report her to the police for criminal damage and report her to the RSPCA for neglect.

I would also leave. Horses are supposed to be fun and people like this suck the joy out of them. I spent far too long on a yard that was nothing but drama (although nothing as bad as this!) and was close to giving up my boy. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders the day we left.

The problem is proving it.

I'd move yards. As PP have said, she's dangerous. She has put horses at risk of harm. And it's not just her that's the problem - it's the yard manager. Being able to do what you want is great, if what you want to do is get on with your horses yourself. But what she wants to do is bully everyone and the yard manager is fine with that. So even if she leaves, you've still got this ineffectual yard manager, plus the risk that she will come back and do something as revenge.

I agree with this

Well done for telling the farmer, can you calmly reiterate that if this woman carries on the yard will get a reputation and his source of income will be gone permanently.

This woman actually sounds like a psychopath , and I don't use that term lightly . It seems if she feels slighted she has to get back at the person, destroying your belongings is actually really scary.

I would be worried about her harming a horse, contaminating food or water or causing harm in some other way.