Do I keep the horse and carry on, or sell it and retire?

[StuckWhereIAm]

I would appreciate some thoughts and advice on a dilemma.

I am a woman in my late 60's. I have ridden all my life and owned several horses over the years. The current one is a lovely 8yo ID cross, who was very green when I got it a little over a year ago, but is turning into a well mannered, balanced and forward going ride, after a lot of hard work on the part of myself and my instructor.

A couple of months ago, I was involved in a nasty accident - not horse related at all -and suffered a bad knock to my head (I clearly need to wear a hard hat all the time!!). This resulted in a large subdural haematoma and I am now in recovery after a period in hospital. Thankfully, I have survived relatively unscathed - it could have been a lot worse - but have been told that I need to be super careful not to give my head another knock, for fear of further bleeding in my head and the potential for the awful consequences of that.

I am not currently riding, but am now thinking that maybe I really should never get back on a horse, in case I fall off and give myself another knock. My horse is of an age and type that I would be able to re-home it very easily. So, do I do the sensible thing and retire from riding now. Or do I give myself the recovery time recommended by my doctor (until after Easter) and then get back on and get on with it? I can feel my nerve receding with every passing day, if I'm honest, so not sure how I will feel when faced with the reality of getting back on board. I'm also aware that I could have another knock at any time - just walking my dog, driving my car or doing 101 other normal things. Life goes on.

So --- What would you do? Thank you for reading.

Hello. My wife evented to a really high level into her 20's then she had a car crash and broke her back. Lucky to be alive. They said she should never ride again. Both my kids now ride and she helps them, is chair of our local pony club, does rehab work for a local equine charity where she takes and re- breaks ponies that go for rehoming- that's all done at ground level so no riding- highly rewarding and she has each pony for maybe 3-4 months as foster- many have gone on to pony club event, mounted games etc. I think she has done maybe 30 of them at this point. Often its simple stuff- getting then to lead, stand for the fairrier, load up etc. If she needs a jockey to lie up at early breaking stage a friend does this. Could you volunteer for riding for the disabled either? The fostering is highly rewarding though for her.

That's a really difficult dilemma for you OP. In reality how much would you miss riding? Could you fill your time with something else less risky? I can't imagine having to make that decision and I really feel for you.

How well do you trust your instructor?
If you trust them well, in the run up to full riding alone, would it be worthwhile having some lessons on your horse to allow you to regain your confidence?
Could you gain some more confidence by being around and helping out with other people who are riding?
If either answer to the last two is no, then I think you know what to do, as hard as it may be for you.

OP, the other thing I thought of- because of your changed injury/risk profile- is that going to impact your ability to be insured at riding events? Might be worth checking?

Thank you all for your insights.

@Onceuponawhileago ... at my age (nearly 70!) I'm not ever planning on competing beyond, maybe, a dressage test at the local riding club. But I like the sound of the fostering and in-hand/on the ground type work. I also own an elderly, retired cob who might benefit from such work, so something to think about in the spring.

@Mollyplop999 ... I'm not sure how much I would miss it if I'm honest. My current lay off - I'm into my third month now - is the longest I've not ridden for decades, but - if I'm brutally honest - I'm starting to get past the stage of missing it, into "this is my life now" - IYSWIM. So, again, something to ponder.

@vipersnest1 ... Totally trust her. She's riding my horse twice a week at present, while another friend hacks it out a couple of times a week as well, so it's staying reasonably fit. Lessons feel like a good idea, but the thought of falling off and doing more damage is ever present at the moment.

The horse is currently on full livery at an excellent yard near my home, so visiting daily to keep in touch. But lots to think about as I head into the new year.

In all honesty, only you can make this decision, not a bunch of random strangers on the internet. Your own levels of skill and confidence can really only be evaluated by you and the people who know you well, the same goes for your level of desire to get back in the saddle (or not.) Your age is an important factor too, as you are at an age where many non-horsey or inexperienced horsey people would be expecting that you might give up, however I know many tough old horsey ladies who are very comfortable in the saddle at a greater age than you. Everyone ages differently, and again you and those who know you well are much better placed to know you than internet strangers.

I would say if you wanted to get back on board, there would be a way (albeit with some risk.) If you find yourself not missing it and don’t want to get back on, then there is no point in perservering.

I have a friend, a team mate, who is in her 60s. She is tremendously skilled at what she does. She fell off back in the spring and gave herself an injury that would have most people giving up riding forever, and had to miss a major international competition, but by the autumn was back in the game - she helped me to team bronze in a prestigious event. I have another friend who fell off, was badly injured, and never got back on another horse again, despite having been hugely successful as a competitive rider. No one judges either one of them for their decisions, and they were their decisions to make.

Good luck whichever way you go about things. I would say that there are lots of ways to spend time with your horse though if you wanted to without riding.

I am in a somewhat similar situation to you. I am early 70’s & now have a fairly steady cob. He is a youngster. About 18 months ago, he fell with me, I broke my collarbone, & was briefly knocked out. Had an MRI scan,but given the all clear. This Sept I was hacking alone & fell off ( he bucked) I did take a knock to the head, thought nothing of it, then had about 10 min of visual disturbance. Off to A &E for a 5 1/2 hr wait and another MRI. Got the all clear again, but probably slightly concussed.
part of the problem is my yard, where no one but me hacks, I have to do some road work and I ride mainly on a farm, with poor footing, machinery, etc.
so I decided to move yards where there are others to hack with, no road work, and dedicated hacking routes.
At my age I really do not want to be having these falls ( and I never have had before this. ) So I have tried to change my environment so that it is safer. I risked assessed it and decided there were certain external factors that were increasing my risk, so my decision to move has been done on that basis. I hope this works, as my horse is a safe & steady little cob, but we need to be in a place where nothing compromises that.
Also, I always wear an air jacket; if you don’t, I strongly advise that.
My story, hope it helps.

Moanranger thatmakes me so happy to read this. I'm 58 and I hope to be riding for many years yet. I'm only a happy hacker but I love it so much.

I came here to post a question and find my exact predicament. Just turned 60, ride ( at a much lower level) but am frightened now and feel the time has come to stop. But my life will be so much sadder without horses in it.

@backinthebox ... thank you for your considered response. I am currently erring towards giving up, but keeping my lovely horse until the spring, by which time he will have had a winter of thorough schooling by my, very competent, instructor. Then keeping the old boy as a non-ridden pet pony/field ornament until his time is up.

@Moanranger ... it sounds as if you made the right decision. We are at lovely yard with lots of perfect off-road hacking and a basic, but useful school to ride in, so no plans to move. My concerns centre around the medical issues relating to further head injuries. My doctor tells me that - even with a hard hat - another solid jolt, such as impact with the ground, could cause me further issues.

I'm thinking I might have another chat with the medical folks who are looking after me currently, before I make a big decision.

Thank you again everyone.

As someone who has owned horses for 40+ years constantly I can honestly say that for me if I don’t ride I get over the desire to ride fairly quickly , but if I start to ride I get obsessed again . I’ve had a gap of 20 yrs not riding because we only own a small pony , started riding again and really became obsessed , I have now had to stop again for health reasons and really don’t miss it . Hope your recovery continues to go well @StuckWhereIAm .

I think I'd leave any final decision until the spring. It sounds like you are fairly early in your recovery and the horse is sorted for now, so maybe see how you feel once you are fully recovered. If you do end up selling then that would be a better time anyway.

I'm 64 and was a very keen rider but had a brain tumour diagnosed, which was removed in 2018. It was a very hard decision, and looking back took me about 3 years to come to terms with it, but I decided to give up riding. I just didn't want to risk hitting my head and there can't be any guarantees with horses, even if you think you are confining yourself to safe activities.

However, only you know the balance between risk and reward that you are prepared to accept. Good luck which ever way you decide to go!

I like the sound of the fostering and in-hand/on the ground type work.

Just watch that you don't get a false sense of security because you're not actually riding. The reason Charlotte Dujardin tends to keep her hard hat on is because she's seen many accidents on the ground. If I were you, I would wear a riding hat when working horses on the ground.

My mum had to give up riding at your age, for health reasons. She really misses it, but it was just too much of a risk for her.

I would sell now while he's so marketable then buy a plod later in the year if you feel able to ride again.

Handling possible young and naughty horses on the ground is more risky than riding IM very bitter E.

I agree with this, maybe less so for a back injury but for head knocks equally as risky if not more. Was handling a lovely mannered youngster the other day who simply swung his head to a noise at the wrong moment and collided with my head/nose which still hurts now and left me feeling sick and a bit woozy. I've had many more injuries from the ground over the years than I have ridden. Personally I'd leave the decision a bit longer and see what you feel happy with fine the line when it's less raw in your mind

Maybe volunteer with RDA? Great sense of purpose and safer horses?
rda.org.uk/volunteer/

I got double barrelled leading a normally very mild mannered horse into his stable. He spooked and slipped and scared himself and i got both back feet in my chest, arm and face.

Have you considered having your horse broken to drive as an additional option? My friend who could no longer ride took up driving and I loved going out on the carriage with her. Her pony was ridden by friends/sharers too.

Don't rush into selling a nice safe horse unless you are sure you want to give up. It is difficult to find a safe well mannered horse to buy and you could probably find a nice loaner/sharer to help with costs and keep the horse ticking over while you decide and see how you feel as you recover.

Due to a whole set of circumstances I've ended up doing a LOT of groundwork over the last 12 months and I absolutely love it. I've previously ridden professionally, team chased, hunted all over the UK and Ireland, shown, dressage etc. And due to getting a youngster because I fell in love with him and rehabbing another abandoned horse I've found myself on a much more laid back journey. We do liberty work, they line up at the mounting block for me when I go and stand on it, they'll do lateral work either drawing in towards me or yielding away etc. Loads of pole work and long lining. I taught my youngster the lateral draw towards me over the last two weeks and just started the other way today and he got it so quickly, I felt like I was on as much as a high as when I used to go team chasing.

I definitely wouldn't sell your lovely horse, even if you never rode again.

I was going to suggest getting into driving. Not 100% safe, but safe—er. I look at it this way, having a horse is given you huge health benefits y exercise, fresh air, companionship, a sense of purpose. If you give up, you will lose that. So I’d work on figuring out a way to minimise risks whilst still being around horses.