Sweet baby Jesus, my vulva. Help!

[Newrider]

I am mortified and I don't know where else to ask. Name change because obvious reasons.

I've just taken up riding again after a long break. I'm not a good rider and with the help of a lovely instructor (he's male, so no chance in hell I'm asking him!) I'm starting from scratch.

Oh my god. My vuvla is agony. Sore, the pain when I pee is immense! Very much not an inner uti type issue, I felt the chafe/rub happen during riding so it's definitely topical and related. I am SO uncomfortable.

Instructor says I am not bouncy, although I feel like it. My balance is desperately needing work though, lower leg needs to be more secure etc. Photos show me sat well, good posture, but I wonder could my pelvis be tilting too far forward during riding and thus allowing it to rub/squish?

I genuinely was in less pain post birth.

As above, possibly exacerbated by menopause, I found vaginal pessaries helped this and other symptoms

I would hazard the saddle is putting your pelvis in the wrong position + you aren't sitting correctly due to weak muscles. Highly recommend the Activate your Seat programme + Equipilates to help you find pelvic neutral position and strengthen the required muscles.

It is very likely the saddle because if the owner is shorter and thinner than you it is probably too small.

It could also be that you are sitting on your fork rather than your seat bones. So think about sitting on your back pockets, and lifting your pubic bone. Don't try too hard not to bounce in canter as that can result in you grinding your bits against the saddle, or as one instructor I know once said "why are you shagging the saddle?".

I would definitely second the recommendation of Meg Parkinson, her free podcasts are brilliant especially the are you sitting comfortably one. She does a subscription one too that is worthwhile and includes unmounted exercise videos and a private insta page too, it is only £15 a month and worth every penny, but the free content is a great starting point.

I would try this before buying the activate your seat kit, though the account is well worth a follow, for interesting tips.

I would also suggest a heather moffett seat saver they are designed to help if your saddle isn't quite right. My husband bought one to help when he was riding other people's horses often in too small saddles and I have used it too in similar circumstances. They give a bit of grip and padding without marking the saddle. Be careful of the exposed gel seat savers as they can mark the saddle.