Aibu to think this is abit rude?

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We are currently full loaning our pony.

when we first met her she was in a field with zero grass and was very very skinny. Because of the lack of grass she was very food aggressive, would barge/kick/rear while waiting for her food etc. she had zero ground manners but I knew there was something amazing about her. Her owner was struggling with health conditions and money so it was a win/win deal.

we bought her food/easy grass and lots of hay and after a few weeks we moved her to a local livery. My teeenage daughter has completely changed this pony. She has the ground manners to die for, she lets us pick her feet, she’s amazing to tack up etc where as before she would throw her head so high even her owner couldn’t do it.

we’ve bought in a trainer and dd and pony have lessons every week, she’s just started jumping. Bare in mind 3 months ago she couldn’t even go forward with my daughter on her, she had absolutely no idea what you wanted of her and she was completely unbroken.

the confidence in the pony is amazing to see and she trusts dd with her life. Shes in amazing condition and the yard owner absolutely loves her lol.

we’ve offered to buy her, and have said that if she decided to sell in the future we would like first refusal which she agreed on.

she messaged to say a friend has asked for dollie (friend lives in a different country) and was trying to convince her she would be good for her little kids. Owner said she even considered it but that was because she was drunk.
i feel really upset actually. We’ve said owner is welcome 24/7 at the yard (she lives close) but she hasn’t came yet which is fair enough.
we update her weekly, sending videos and pictures. i would see her as a friend which I think is why she told me. But I’m abit hurt, we spend hundreds a month on her which obv I know would be with a loan, and I know she isn’t ours. We like the fact we can loan her until daughter goes to uni in 5/6 years which was agreed. If we bought her she would then become out youngest daughters who is also having lessons on her.

i know I’m being unreasonable, she’s her horse to do as pleased but I just feel abit stabbed in the back. We are helping her and she’s helping us. She even admitted said friend can’t even afford to spay her cats so there’s cats everywhere on their property..

Your choice to invest in this pony for your daughters’ benefit, but now you’ve brought her on so much why not just make an offer to buy now and put your cards on the table? Sounds like the owner is testing the market and what’s to stop her selling on to someone else now you’ve put the money and time in? If the owner won’t sell them then surely it’s up to you whether you continue as you are - accepting that’s there’s not going to be CD any long term pay off in terms of owning the pony/ - or come to new terms with the owner.

We’ve offered, last night I offered to buy her. I know if she’s offered a set amount i will offer more within reason.

i don’t feel like I’m “wasting” money as the enjoyment my daughter and pony are getting is so worth it.

I’m not sure I understand what’s ‘rude’ about it? You’re loaning the pony, you don’t own her and the benefit and risk of loaning is that the arrangement can be ended by either side at any time.

The only way to make sure the pony can’t be sold to anyone else is to buy her yourself.

On a slightly different note, if this pony were mine I’d be taking things quite a bit more slowly - it takes a long time to build up the correct muscles to ensure a pony can stay sound while ridden long term and if this pony was really in such a poor state three months ago you’re running the risk of injury by rushing things now

when I say jumping I mean literally trotting poles lifted up by a potty so probably 10/20cm off the ground.

You were silly to invest so much in a pony you didn't own. It was a rental. You would do this if it was a rental property. Sad for you and your DD, but it's a lesson learned. And yes, it was rude and nasty of the owner.

You sound like you've done really well with the pony. A classic thing that people loaning out ponies do is wait for the loaner to improve pony and then take it back and sell so wouldn't be surprised if that's what's happening here. I would stop updating the owner of horse with what is going on ridden wise before they price the pony out of your reach. Very cheeky but common practice

I remember your posts and sounds like you've done remarkably well with the pony, but sadly this is always the hazard of loaning, particularly anything young/green/needing input. The owner is always fully within their rights to sell the pony at any time or take them back for themselves and therefore 'profiting' from your work and you have to be very careful about getting too emotionally attached. She may well have been rude in the way she said it and it's not very kind to hint at the pony being taken away without there being a clear plan though. But like you say you'd always need to have paid livery costs and for lessons for whatever pony you had and your DD has got a lot out of having the pony so doesn't sound like she's lost out?

I think TBH you have 3 options now, (1) make a fair offer to buy her, but you'll need to take into account that if she's now all you say, effectively a perfect child's pony, she'll be worth a lot more than when she was untouched in a field. Although I agree with Please that 3 months in is very early days and you need to take things steady so she isn't realistically perfect yet, but you will probably have to give her something. (2) end the loan arrangement, buy a new pony or find a more reliable loan (3) stick with it but find a way to live with the fact her owner is probably going to threaten to take the pony away on a regular basis and may or may not follow through (this particular threat sounds a bit empty if the woman doesn't actually have the means to keep a pony but if she's prepared to speculate idly about it to you then she will likely as not do so again in the future). I'd only go with 3 if you and your DD are resilient enough to not let it spoil your experience, or otherwise I'd cut your losses now...

She is "rude" because she told you someone offered to buy the horse and she thought about it while she was drunk?

Surely that can't be it? If that is it, you sound way too overinvested in someone else's horse

I think if it were me, I'd offer the maximum you're willing to pay for the pony and see what she says.

It sounds as though you're very invested both emotionally and financially so give it your best shot.

Always be prepared for a no though.

Good luck.