Mothers Help/Groom

[PointyMcguire]

So we’re expecting our first child early next year and I’m just starting to look at childcare options for the first year.

We keep our horses at home, over summer they’re out 24/7 but in winter they’re in overnight and out during the day. DH is great, but is only horsey through me and has only had to get involved in the chores since we moved them home a few years back so he’s still quite slow when it comes to mucking out (I usually have done 2 stables, whilst he’s still finishing up 1). Obviously I’m super grateful he helps at all, but I worry he won’t be able to handle the winter chores alone and I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to do when heavily pregnant. I’ve already resigned myself to hiring in a freelance groom to help over winter.

I’m hoping (possibly optimistically) to go back to work after 6 months as I love my job and have recently taken on a big promotion and don’t want to let them down. However I’m not keen on the idea of such a young baby going to nursery so am wondering how feasible it would be to find a mother’s help that could help with both the horses and the baby.

We can offer accommodation on-site with an en-suite (if needed), and whilst I only have enough stabling for the current horses we do have great facilities (floodlit and mirrored arena, wash box and solarium, plenty of off road hacking, competition venues within 10mins of us and transport) and would be happy to offer grass livery for free as part of the package. Do you think this would be an appealing prospect for someone? And if so what’s the going rate? I’m obviously completely new to trying to juggle babies with horses so I’ve no idea if this is a thing ordinary families consider.

We’d need help with 3 horses (2 x non-ridden, 1 x newly backed but going on holiday once he returns from learning to be a horse) mostly mucking out, rugging, turnout etc. and potentially help exercising them later down the line. Though it could be a lot less as I’m hoping to be able to help with a lot of the above fairly soon after giving birth as I hate not being hands-on with my horses.

Would appreciate any advice, or even alternative suggestions for how to juggle it all. Thanks

I personally don't think you can expect a mother's help to look after horses and a six month old baby. I think that would only work once a child was at school. For a baby you would need a nanny to take on full responsibility once you went back to work. You may be able to find a horsey nanny but I think it is unrealistic to expect someone to do both jobs until the child is much older.

I suggest contacting one of the agencies such as Eden to discuss feasibility and going rates etc.

Ive definitely come across nannies that have looked after the families horses. When you join an agency as a nanny they always ask if you can ride, ski, swim etc. The main issue I see is what would the nanny do with a baby whilst they muck out etc? Unless the nanny mucks out before you leave for work and you have baby?

Going rates for live in 5 days a week were 600 approx but this was quite a few years ago. Then you would pay tax and NI on top.

Grass livery is very cheap generally so it may be worth offering but I wouldn't expect it to reduce wages by more then 20/30 per week. Definitely worth exploring if maybe a local person would be interested then it would be easier if they were self employed, however they would expect some flexibility with hours I would imagine.

Yes I think you'll struggle - mother's help/au pair type jobs are usually more for after-school for older kids or as a spare pair of hands for a SAHP, for sole care of a baby all day I think you'll need a nanny, and my experience of nannies is that they're very strict about doing childcare only, the nicer ones will do some light housework or run the odd errand that isn't strictly baby-related but finding someone to look after 3 horses around a baby is a bit of a stretch (unless I've misunderstood and you/DH will be around at all times and you just need a bit of light assistance with baby?). Finding any kind of help/staff is a challenge right now so while you might get super lucky and find a nanny that's a horse person and would be delighted to do a bit of horse care as an 'extra' before/after work, I think it's unlikely you'll be in a position to pick and choose.

Plus I have to say while I was a pretty relaxed parent and perfectly cool with parking up sleeping babies in a pram while I mucked out and even rode, I'm not sure I'd be that comfortable with someone else less 'attuned' doing that, call me paranoid but what if baby was crying/choking and they couldn't hear over the noise of the horses, or what if horses got loose or put a foot through a fence while nanny was distracted by baby 😱. Better to sort childcare and horse care separately until baby is a bit bigger IMO, I know what you mean about nurseries with a tiny one but they will have high staff ratios at that age and they'll be in a dedicated baby room not in with the rampaging toddlers, or how about a childminder for more of a home-y vibe?

The Equestrian Notice Board theequestriannoticeboard.com/index.php/login often has nanny/groom jobs advertised but as others say, it's usually older kids...

Thanks for all the advice so far. Sorry I should have mentioned both DH and I WFH full time and are fortunate to be senior enough in our respective roles that we do have a fair bit of flexibility to pick and choose our hours for the most part so it’s more a supporting role than them ever being solely responsible for either horses or baby. DH thinks we can juggle the childcare side of things amongst ourselves, but I’m not convinced that’s realistic and don’t want to find myself in a position where I’m pulled in two directions and end up feeling like I’m failing both. Lots to think about for sure.

I have a professional job and WFH but there's no way I could do it and look after a baby at the same time.
We had a nanny when our children were below school age who had sole charge. She wouldn't have had time to look after horses at the same time.
It would work if the children were at nursery / school.
But firstly it sounds like you need a full time nanny (not necessarily live in) and also a part time groom.

I think you could get someone! There are loads of women who work at my riding school I could see doing this- probably not the live in bit though.

Being a nanny to a baby is pretty full on. I think getting a nanny and a part time groom to do 2 hrs a day would be the only really viable option until the children are old enough to not need constant watching

You will not be able to get more than the bare minimum of work done while looking after a baby. An awake toddler cannot be left alone for more than a couple of minutes. Unless you are going to rise at dawn, after a night of potentially broken sleep, write off the day apart from maybe an email check during nap time, then work late into the evening and never spend any time together, sharing childcare between you while you both WFH full time will not work.

I agree with a PP that you need a nanny first, then help with the horses on top.

I don't know if it's advertised the same way anymore but these jobs adverts used to be hugely common in the likes of horse and hound and other country lifestyle magazines. I'm pretty sure there are agencies who specialise in it. It's not as unusual as other pp's seem to suggest. Have a Google and you'll find where these files are generally advertised.

Thanks all, it sounds like in the main I’m a bit out of touch with what’s feasible, so we’ll go back to the drawing board.

I am a bit surprised some think we’d need a nanny and a groom to meet our requirements though as in my mind if we had a nanny there’d be absolutely no need to get a groom in to help as it’s only ever taken us an hour in the morning to do feeds, stables and turnout, so probably would cost more in travel time (we’re relatively remote) than it would in actual work time.

I think I’m probably just going to bite the bullet and put her in nursery from 6 months, from doing a bit more research I’ve discovered it might be easier for her to adapt at that age than sending her later. I guess I just worried as aside from DSIL (who was abroad at the time) I don’t know anyone who has sent their child to nursery that early on.

Have you considered a childminder? DD2 was in childcare from 3 months (I was in hospital so had no choice as DH needed to keep working). We found a wonderful woman who provided a great family environment. Much better than the nurseries that we had used for DD1.

I reckon you’d be able to find someone who could do both , lots of people have horses and babies and manage just fine so why shouldn’t a horsy nanny , the only issue I can see is if the riding side as it’s easy to manage a baby and yard jobs but less easy to ride and look after babies .

@Alloway I've actually just been looking into childminders nearby and have found a couple that sound promising. I think we’ll meet with a few and visit a few nurseries so we can get a clear idea of our options.

@Floralnomad riding is very unlikely to be something we need help with if I’m honest. I’ve currently got my competition horse on sales livery and my other ridden boy has only just been backed and due to an injury that nearly resulted in us losing him last year I’m very precious about who sits on him.

In that case I think it would be a nice job for a horsy nanny .

I think you are going to be in for a shock how exhausting a baby is. There’s no way I’d have the energy to look after a newborn and clean out horse stables an hour each day 🥴 I guess some people manage it, but it would exhaust me 🤷‍♀️

I think it could work, but with a structured timetable of who was doing what and when, so if the nanny is mucking out from 8-9 am then DH or you are not working during that time and looking after the baby, then the one who does that works a bit later in the afternoon iyswim. If your jobs are flexible then it could work, I would just be very clear up front with DH and the nanny that no one is to be doing horses and child care at the same time.

@AceSpades54321 an hour was full muck out of 3 stables of a morning, but if we don’t end up hiring in a groom we’ll probably look to deep litter them over winter which DH can handle solo. Perhaps I’m being overly ambitious/slightly deluded but I’ve known other horsey friends juggle both and that was with having to travel to the yard twice daily, so I’m hopeful I’ll be able to muddle through with them at home.

I looked and looked and never managed to find anyone who was interested in looking after both kids and horses. Let alone anyone who was actually good at both kids and horses. I did have a brilliant nanny though, and a good cleaner and a good gardener, and someone just for the horses. When my nanny went on maternity leave, we briefly had a horsey au pair, a relationship which came to a very abrupt end when I had to make it clear she was expected to help me out at least occasionally. She was very hard to find, and led me to conclude it’s just easier to have different people do different jobs.

Muddling through and simultaneously holding down a job is not easy.. and if you don't like just anyone riding your horse you may well also be fussy about who looks after your pfb and how!

I would agree with those who say you ideally need a horsey nanny. But you probably need to prioritise the nanny bit and hope for the best with the horsey bit, tbh. I guess if you have the nanny though, you might be able to manage the horse easier? Do they have to come in at night in winter, or is there any way they could live out this year?

These sort of adverts were in 'The Lady' magazine. I don't know if that's still a thing.

@Fudgeball123 I promise it’s only this one particular horse I’m precious about! I’ve had him since a foal so I’m particularly attached to him, and that’s before his brush with PTS last year. He needs riding sympathetically in order to keep him sound so it’s not so much that I don’t think anyone else could ride him and more that I don’t necessarily trust that someone else wouldn’t be tempted to do too much with him. In fairness I’ve allowed him to be backed by someone else (although that’s mainly because DH vetoed me riding a newly backed WB whilst pregnant 😂) but my other ridden boy was being exercised by someone else up until the point I decided to sell him, so I’m usually pretty chill in that respect.

@Spudlet Any other year I’d happily leave them out, but this year we’ve had so little rain we’ve been stuck feeding hay all summer and I’m doubtful there’ll be enough time for the land to bounce back, even if we do get some much needed rain.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Having looked after a baby and one horse of my own it is extremely difficult and I don’t think someone could do both as a job competently. The issue is how would you look after horse and baby safely at the same time, if baby is up 3 / 5am and then naps when you muck out it is exhausting. I am happy I did it and now have 3 including ponies but extremely difficult. At the time I had a baby I would add I was at a yard with people around occasionally to ask for help, having a yard to look after would have been really tricky

To be fair this is exactly the kind of job I'd take on if the hours/wages worked - I'm sure you'd find someone!