When do you walk away?

[scaredrider]

I have a beautiful bay thoroughbred gelding on a share. He’s pretty laid back (for a thoroughbred) and very sweet on the ground. My problem is that I’ve become an ever-more anxious rider and I really don’t know why. I was absolutely fine for the first 6 months with him and not nervous at all, but it’s been getting worse over the last 9 months. And I know that he is picking up on this so tends to be a bit spook-ier with me, which obviously just compounds the problem. I just don’t know at what point I walk away (knowing I will never get the chance of another share like this--I’m in a part of England where these opportunities come up once in a blue moon.)

I’m a reasonably good rider (having weekly lessons and instructor keeps telling me that I’m much better than I think I am and I’m good with him). But the nerves are stopping me enjoying myself. I really don’t want to walk away--I’m not one to give up on things. When I’m nervous, I do push myself through it and keep going, but riding shouldn’t be like that, should it? I can be so nervous that I’m physically shaking and feel sick. I get so annoyed and frustrated with myself.

As a side point, I have been more anxious in general and have started HRT in case it helps. I’m wondering if menopause anxiety is affecting my confidence with riding, but I don’t know. I’ve been told to give the HRT three months to kick in. I don’t know whether my nerves will hold up that long. I’m also having lots of problems with work and redundancies so there is a financial aspect to this, too At what point would you walk away in this situation?

Maybe try Karl Greenwood or a similar confidence coach type program as well?

Well I would ride a 16.3 if I had joint problems tbh. Can you get off and on quickly if there's a problem? I think a more suitable share would be the best solution.

Are you scared of him on the ground or just of getting chucked off.

My horse can have a serious moment and after a bad fall a few years ago I never quite got my nerves back this is what works for me.

1. A great body protector worn every time
2. Anchor strap on front of saddle. 90% psychological but has saved my butt once it twice
3. Mentality that if anything happens I don't like i get off. Then I'm safe as I know I can deal with anything from the ground. Absolute worst case I can always walk home but I think I've only had to do that once when he had a total melt down and I didn't want to get back on!!

Good luck

*wouldn't

@Rittersport the joint problem just means I can’t get in without a mounting block (which I know I’m not alone!). It’s fine after that and no problem with getting off again.

He’s an absolute angel on the ground and I have plenty of experience handling horses. In fact, he’s an angel when ridden, with the odd little jump at a bird or something. As I said above, he’s a school master type. Jumps anything.

I'm 65 and was a very confident rider in my youth and up to my 40s and 50's but since then I've been far more nervous. I went on a 3 day holiday for nervous women returners which went well and provided i keep on riding it isn't too bad but any sort of a break and I'm back to square one. My DH also used to be quite intrepid but he suffers from nerves too now. We both had scary falls in 2019 which put us out of action for a couple of days each. I'm tanked up to the hilt with HRT and it doesn't make any difference for me. I think it is just an aged related thing for us, but one i'm determined to fight against. Scaredrider, is there someone confident you could hack out with or perhaps your instructor could do an instructional hack ?

I went on a 3 day holiday for nervous women returners

This sounds really good, would you share the details?

@Astrabees that’s interesting. I’m honestly not sure what I’m so nervous of. I think it’s more the what-ifs that get me all tense. I’ve not been able to have lessons for the last few weeks, but they start again tomorrow. They always help to re-set my nerves and help me realise that I’m not as much of a shit rider that I think I am.

I went to Stonetrail in Cumbria, the Lady Anne Trail break. Alison will let you know all about her rides and horses if you call , lots of pics on Facebook too.

Thank you Astra!

I get the anxiety. For me, the positive impact horses have on me outweighs the fears.

I also suggest a different share. I had a 16’3 tb. He was lovely in so so many ways. But it’s a long way to fall. I sold him and have bought a 14’3 cob. The difference is immense. The cob is jst 4 and green as grass. But when he spooks, it doesn’t feel so scary as a huge fast tb. The cob feels like a giant dog.

if not - try an air jacket, safety stirrups, gel out seat protector. Max out in safety equipment.

at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if the benefits you get from riding outweigh the fear.