DD has lost her nerve after a nasty fall

[pastaandpesto]

I'd really appreciate any advice from more experienced riders about how to help DD(11).

DD has been riding for a couple of years (a bit stop/start because of lockdown). I'm not a rider myself but I have been really happy to support her, especially as she is not very physically confident in general and also has some mental health struggles. It really seemed to be giving her confidence and it was fantastic watching her cantering around the arena. She was having private lessons at a lovely small stable and making slow but steady progress, and was just beginning to start jumping.

Unfortunately a couple of months ago she had fall (I'm not sure exactly what happened, the horse reared very slightly, and she slipped) and broke her arm. It was a nasty break which needed surgery and pinning.

We live in a very horsey area in the countryside, and since then, she has been regaled non-stop by stories from both adults and children about their own horse riding accidents and injuries. It seems everyone has a story to tell. She is really worried now and has started saying that she doesn't want to go back to riding.

Obviously it will be completely her choice, and to be honest I can understand where she is coming from. But I just feel sad for her, because it was the one sport she enjoyed and she she got so much out of it. I know falling off is just part of the deal.

I would be really interested to hear from others who have been in a similar situation, and if their DC were able to go back to riding?

I am so sorry to hear about your DD's fall and I hope she is on the mend. Falling off is a bit like childbirth - every one has a story to tell!

My DD had a fall the last time she went riding (about four years ago). Nothing was broken, just dented pride. She did get back on, walked around the arena, but did not want to go again. I didn't push her to ride, and it has only been recently she has made murmurings about starting riding again.

Would it help your DD if you suggested helping out at the stables (if this is possible) to do the non-riding stuff? This may help get your DD's confidence back.

To be honest, if she really doesn't want to ride, I would leave her for a while, and she may well get the yearning to re-start at some point.

Echoing all of this. If she's still wanting to maintain an interest, then maybe she can find some yard work? Just to keep her hand in. It may encourage her to get back in the saddle at some point.

That's such bad luck to have hurt herself badly on her first fall. Did she have a regular instructor? I'd suggest she has a chat with them or whomever runs the stables and they should hopefully be able to guide her towards having very staid 'safe' lessons whilst she gets her confidence back. Please do tell her that the 'stories' tend to be very much exaggerated and that nobody tells the stories where they just bounced and got back on!

Also, does she like helping and looking after the ponies? If she does then could she go to the stables to help with the day to day stuff so she's just hanging around them and getting her horsey fix whilst she getting her riding mojo back?

I'm echoing everyone else here but I had a nasty fall at a similar age and didn't want to ride again. The yard owner said I could just go and help at weekends as I still loved horses and said there was nothing wrong with not riding if I didn't want to. I think I lasted about 3 weeks before I got on a pony on a lead rein and started riding again!

I fell off a pony in my very first lesson (on a lead reign) and broke my arm! So I completely understand your daughter. I never took up riding, but my daughter is crazy about it and despite countless falls over the years - she still loves it and dreams of a SJ career (which is nuts 😬). She had a nasty fall once just after lockdown when a pony suddenly went crazy and bucked her off against the area wall. She hurt her coccyx and was in a huge amount of pain and also lost her confidence. It took a few months of very gentle riding (mainly walk/trot) for her to get her mojo back, but now it's totally forgotten and she rides every day. Your daughter might just need some time. I would also echo volunteering at the yard.

arena wall*

The thing is with horses is fundamentally it is an incredibly dangerous sport – hence everyone having a story to tell.

I myself consider myself fairly lucky in the injury department, and have had more than one emergency CT scan, but I know people who have been paralysed, and unfortunately I know more than one person who has been killed. Most know its dangerous, but love it so much the reward outweighs the risk, and where they draw the line differs. I know people who no longer ride but breed and show native breeds in hand, or breed sport horses that the sell at 2 and will never ride. I know people in their 70s who still hunt several times a season and team chase… the line is different for everyone.

I grew up with horses and horsey parents, I’ve fallen off about eleventytrillion times, I’ve had lulls in confidence but I’ve never wanted to stop riding, my sister fractured her hand when she was ten and that was it and she never got back on. If you are scared of it it’s really really miserable.

Pretending its not dangerous isn’t helpful and I think creates more of a shock when things go wrong.

It sounds like she has had a really nasty and painful injury and that making her rethink if she wants to ride is normal.

If she doesn’t want to go back I’d personally not hammer the point – I’d talk to her and talk through her feelings however, don’t tell her she wont fall off or hurt herself again, you cant promise that, and fundamentally if she keeps riding, at some point she probably will.

Maybe see if going to the yard and watching a friend ride, grooming one of the ponies, or going to a show (we are in the middle of the busy season so there will be loads on) appeals. But I’d offer it once in passing, make it clear its on the table but not pester about it. But if she wants to do it I’m sure she’ll ask. Just make it clear to her if she wants to she can and leave it for her to decide.

If she wants to be around horses and not ride there are plenty of options – it might be hard to find somewhere these days but learning to drive a pony and trap, helping out on the yard, or even just going to watch a few shows a year for now?

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences, it is really really helpful. Sorry to those of you who have had injuries or had DCs with injuries.

The suggestion to help at the yard is a great one but unfortunately DD seems to the the only young rider I know who has absolutely no interest in the mucky side of riding. She loves horses, but her ideal scenario is to have them presented to her fully tacked and then led quietly away at the end of the ride!

It took a few months of very gentle riding (mainly walk/trot) for her to get her mojo back, but now it's totally forgotten and she rides every day.

This is sounds like a great outcome. She has private lessons anyway with a lovely, very experienced instructor, so that would definitely be achievable.

Pretending its not dangerous isn’t helpful and I think creates more of a shock when things go wrong.

I absolutely agree, and I do recognise that riding is fundamentally dangerous (probably more dangerous than you'd expect based on how many children are allowed/encouraged to ride). I'd feel bloody awful if I pushed her to ride and she injured herself again, and the worst case scenario doesn't bear thinking about.

As I said, if she had lots of other hobbies and interests I would would be more than happy to see her stop riding (cost, risk) but she doesn't. Not that I would push her into it because of that, of course, but it just is a bigger loss for her than it might be in different circumstances iyswim.

I think my ideal scenario might be to get her back even for just one very gentle lesson and take it from there, and leave it there if she doesn't want to go back. It would be nice if her last experience of riding wasn't the fall. But it will be on her terms.

@pastaandpesto have you considered having her do a session or two with a sports psychologist? Their scope of practice includes how to get past an injury or trauma in sport.

I've used one to help get past a similar traumatic injury from a (non-riding) sport. I found it incredibly helpful in dealing with the emotional side of recovery.

OP - it would also help to ask for a different pony and perhaps one that is super gentle/slow. My daughter never rode the pony she had the bad fall on again (it's more a coincidence as we now have our own so she never got to ride the same pony) but it definitely helped get over the scare.

I'm going to go against the grain and say the attitude of riding being an incredibly dangerous sport is what's causing a confidence crisis.
Yes absolutely if you are racing in the grand national or throwing yourself around badminton it would be. But the average leisure rider is fairly unlikely to have a serious life changing injury.
Karl greenwood , an equine confidence guy, has a great saying that if you fell in the shower and broke your arm, your friends wouldn't all be saying , oooh that shower is really dangerous, you should never shower again, whereas horse related it's the opposite. It's worth finding him on Facebook.
I have ridden for over fifty years and my kids rode, one in a fast slightly dangerous sport. He got far more injuries from rugby ! Most of my friends have injured themselves tripping out of lorries or falling over hay bales. I know that's completely anecdotal but it's just trying to reframe the " horses are insanely dangerous" mantra.
But if she doesn't want to do it then equally that's fine too

I actually agree with this. I think if it's on your head that it's incredibly dangerous and you're scared of falling, then you become an anxious rider, which then causes the horse to be anxious as well. The vast majority of falls are complete non-events. Kids fall off horses all the time and just jump back on. It's just bad luck that the OP's daughter got injured on her first fall.

I have owned horses for 40+ yrs and both of my children gave up due to falls . The eldest had been riding since he was about 18 months , very competent and then had an accident with his pony when he was 7 where he got quite a bad arm injury and has not been near a horse since . Daughter rode at riding school from 4 and had 2 non injury falls in canter in consecutive weeks when she was 5 and called it a day - although she is still happy to help on the ground . I had numerous serious falls between 5- 18 , on riding school ponies and my own and the question for me was always how quickly can I get back on and that included an eye injury requiring hospital treatment at 7 , a broken arm at 10 , a fractured skull ( own horse ) at 14 and a back injury at 16 .

DD seems to the the only young rider I know who has absolutely no interest in the mucky side of riding. She loves horses, but her ideal scenario is to have them presented to her fully tacked and then led quietly away at the end of the ride!

Well, unless you're happy to financially support that in the future (keeping a horse in full livery with a groom on hand isn't cheap ), I wouldn't bother encouraging her in this 'hobby' and let it go.

Well, unless you're happy to financially support that in the future (keeping a horse in full livery with a groom on hand isn't cheap Confused), I wouldn't bother encouraging her in this 'hobby' and let it go

Perhaps you missed the fact that my daughter has (significant, as if happens) mental health challenges and that riding has, up to this point, been hugely beneficial for her health and well being. So I'm sorry if she doesn't live up to your expectation of what a 'proper' commitment to horses should entail but I'll carry on choosing to spend my money on anything that I feel helps her. And I know plenty of adults who pay for the odd hack at a local stables every so often. Perhaps I should tell them their 'hobby' is a waste of money because clearly you can't get any worthwhile pleasure unless you own a horse of your own. Thanks for the advice though 🤔

To everyone else who has posted helpful advice - thank you, I really appreciate it. It's interesting (although sad) to hear that even DC who have been emersed in the riding world have chosen not to ride again after a fall.

It's an interesting idea about exploring the psychology of it - it's something I'll look into if she seems to want to go back but is worried about it (as opposed to flat out just not wanting to).

The point about anxiety making a fall more likely has also given me pause. DD was very anxious the lesson that she fell - not to do with riding - it didn't occur to her to worry about that! - but related to her broader mental health. Even if she does want to go back perhaps it would be better to wait until her anxiety is more under control because I guess riding is not a sport to engage in when you are feeling worried or distracted. I guess I should have considered that really, but it was really helping her so I went with it. Lesson learnt.

Not necessarily mucking out - but it’s on the ground that you lay the foundations of a bond with a horse, IMO. And when you have a bond, it’s incredibly special. So I would gently encourage her to rethink her aversion to groundwork - grooming a pony can be extremely therapeutic for both human and equine, for example. And it might help her confidence if she feels that she has a bond with a gentle pony, help her feel ready to get back on in time.

Totally agree with this , horses are brilliant for mental health but it’s less about the riding and more about the fact that they make very good listeners .

I think horses are great for mental health, both as animals and because riding is a very sensory experience that encourages you to be in the moment.
I fell off several times riding (I was lucky I didn't really hurt myself) we were always encouraged to get straight back on or as soon as possible.

I would encourage your dd to at least be around horses again for a bit and maybe start very gently to rebuild her confidence. Mostly for the mental health benefits.

I've owned and ridden horses for thirty years and certainly had my share of confidence crises!

My advice would be to go back to basics on the safest pony available. Lessons just in walk and trot (or just walking) at first, and let her build up in her own time. She could even go on the lunge line if that's how she feels safest.

I hope she gets her confidence back soon 🐴

My nasty fall was at about 14 and I never got my confidence back in riding like a used to after that. I continued to ride, but was much more subdued. I have ridden my whole life started before I can remember. But now you wouldn't get me on a horse.
I had a new horse bolt, and buck his way across the green, no saddle or I'd have stayed on, I went under him and was kicked in the head (hat on) and was very bruised but nothing broke. Before that I wanted to be a jockey I was small and thin and a gung ho rider who would try anything. Go easy on her.

I had a fall at a similar age and dislocated my elbow. I didn't want to ride again either but I already had my own pony.
I didn't ride for weeks, until I went on holiday to my grandparents, who also had horses. My grandad asked if I wanted to sit on one of the horses while he led it from the stable to the field, which I did. Then he took me for a 20 min ride.
It was what I needed to get riding again.

I wouldn't push her, but see if she wants to be around horses and go from there.

I stopped riding for four years around that age as I had a fall and didn't want to ride any more. I ended up competing at Horse of the Year Show etc many years later - no one pushed me to ride (the opposite in fact!) so I had to actively decide I wanted to do it, Maybe let her go down to the yard and help out without doing any riding. Sometimes you just need to process the whole thing before making a decision on whether you want to risk it or not. And it is risky - she WILL fall off again at some point.

Even if she doesn't want to do the ground work - could you maybe see if she can go and just spend some time with the horses? I don't know why people are criticising her for that by the way - it's exactly why I don't have my own horse!

Giving them a brush or just feeding her over the fence (obviously with permission) could really help her get her confidence back without getting back on a horse just yet.

A (very experienced) teenager my daughter knows well, who has been competing for years had a horrific fall just a few days ago 😥Her (very experienced) horse jumped out of the arena, bucked her off onto the hard ground and then rolled on top of her. The poor girl had to be taken to hospital by ambulance but is thankfully ok (although still in hospital under observation). This was just during a routine lesson, nowhere new. Completely out of the blue. It really made me think that this is indeed such a dangerous sport.