Will I ruin her horse??

[Blossombo]

I’m early 30’s and been riding since I was about 10, never able to have my own due to my mums work etc.

Left horses behind in my late teens and met DH and had DD (12) we also have SDD (17).

I have ridden on and off throughout this time.

Both girls have been into horses since they could walk. They have been lucky to own their own, we have been through ponies now landed with 14.2 pony (now retired at 25) and my DD stopped riding last year with the retirement, occasionally plod that’s all, but we bought SDD an ex racer last year (he was cheap! And needed a lot of work!). SDD did all of this herself, he was her project and now just over a year on he is going well.

When we knew that SDD was moving up to a horse (we had to give it some through as she also got a job and a bf) I went back to a riding school to brush up my riding so I could share the new horse! It went well and in just over 11 months I’m jumping confidently 60cm (not fussed on more than this).

However SDD doesn’t want me to ride the new horse. She says that I can’t ride as well as her and he is (sensitive/a youngster - he is 8 so not really-, has trust issues/when I ride him he feels different after/I give him bad habits etc) for a little while I let her get on with it as I love my riding school but I was thinking of getting my own and DH asked why I’m not riding new horse? And it’s made me thing she might be being unreasonable!!

He said that he will tell SDD straight about acting spoilt but I don’t want to rock the boat as he is her pride and joy. She doesn’t let anyone ride him, even her horsey friends!

DH and I have always financed the horses, done the stables etc (with some help from hands on family) we have a horse box, landrover to tow all with the horses (and the dogs) in mind. Now she is working she does contribute financially!

So long story short, will i ruin her horse by riding him??

Sorry but I really wouldn't want someone rusty/a bit novice schooling myself horse that I'd put so much work in to. Hacking maybe but so much good work can be undone schooling. Ex racers are typically sensitive and things can go wrong quickly

I'm also in agreement with your SSD, to a point.

I've been riding since I was 4, worked with horses (mostly racehorses) for 6 years and have broken in, schooled on and re-habbed many ponies and horses over the years.
My daughter has a pony who she had since the pony was 6. She put in all the schooling, exercise etc herself. I do ride her pony occasionally, but only to hack out or potter around on, as she has the mare going beautifully, the mare doesn't go the same for me (just the difference in my height and weight - and I'm not too heavy being within the 15% inc tack, but am heavier than her, will make a difference). Therefore I wouldn't do more than take her for a trot round the block to keep her ticking over, as I don't want to undo any of her work. If your SSD's horse doesn't enjoy hacking, then even this isn't going to be possible for you, and riding in the school can make a horse quite bored, if it's done too much, so is usually reserved for proper 'work'.
Get yourself a nice horse you can enjoy - it's often not that difficult to find a horse ready to step down a bit for a reasonable price (although understandably, at the moment that's not as easy as it once was!).

I can see SDD point. It is her project, her horse, and at 17 she still appears to be 100% committed to both, which I would view as a good thing. I suspect it is because she does not want to share her horse more than a comment on your riding.

TB's are not the easiest of horses and not for the faint hearted. I suspect you might be happier on something a bit more predictable. Could you get something you could share with DD if she wanted to ride again?

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for the replies. The consensus is generally the same, it’s not the best idea I ride the horse and I that get that.

When she turns 18, she is leaving school and starting full time work so she will be paying more towards the horse. So hopefully il be able to save and have my own (look out for a new thread for that when the time comes! 😍)

My experience with horse husbandry is 100x my riding experience so at least that is something 🤣)

To answer some of the points,

We retired the 14.2 due to start of arthritis in her left hip and me and SDD are now a-bit too heavy for her (in our view as she is lean (a mongrel but think Arab) (we both weigh 10.8 stone)
My DD is 8 stone but has left riding behind now.

I thought about the instructor my SDD has but she has lessons while I am at work so would be difficult to get us all together.
Hacking is a possibility.

Nah, horses are clever, they can tell the difference of whose riding them and what’s expected. You might not be able to get as much out of it as she will, but you won’t ruin it.
You finance it. The way I see it she has two choices, she can either learn to share or pay for it herself.
The only concession I would make would be to not work on things she currently is- so if she’s working on lateral work, then steer clear for a bit etc

@MrsWinters

Nah, horses are clever, they can tell the difference of whose riding them and what’s expected. You might not be able to get as much out of it as she will, but you won’t ruin it. You finance it. The way I see it she has two choices, she can either learn to share or pay for it herself. The only concession I would make would be to not work on things she currently is- so if she’s working on lateral work, then steer clear for a bit etc

Don’t agree. A sharp/sensitive TB that’s only been off the track for 8 months in the hands of a novice/rusty rider (if you’ve only ever ridden at an RS you will in real terms still be quite novice) could go very very wrong far to quickly for anyone in the ground to deal with.

@MrsWinters

Nah, horses are clever, they can tell the difference of whose riding them and what’s expected. You might not be able to get as much out of it as she will, but you won’t ruin it. You finance it. The way I see it she has two choices, she can either learn to share or pay for it herself. The only concession I would make would be to not work on things she currently is- so if she’s working on lateral work, then steer clear for a bit etc

Really disagree with this.

I also think many parents finance their children’s hobbies and this is no different. Horses are probably more expensive than many other hobbies but the principle is still the same.

So you are paying for a horse AND looking after it which you're not allowed to ride? Best she starts looking after it by herself then. She's incredibly ungrateful.

Hmmm yer I don't think she should be made to share her horse sorry. I don't think you'd want to ride it really because anything not white right with the horses schooling will be blamed on you. He sounds a bit sharp and quirky and needs schooling which can be harder at 8 than young and they're much stronger stiffer and opiniated. It's not doing to damage the value of the horse but not having other people rode it, I find the suggestion bizzare tbh.

Maybe make her pay more for the horses upkeep maybe?