Bullying instructor - happy ending

[ElectraBlue]

I posted in another thread that I was a beginner adult rider in her 50s losing confidence to the point of being in tears at the end of the lesson after having to work with an instructor who was incredibly critical and undermining, especially when riding in a group and I just wanted to post a follow up in case anyone was also struggling to learn as an older adult.

The riding school was very supportive when I finally spoke to the manager and the instructor was also spoken to and will now receive some additional training. They also asked if they could use my story (anonymously) for training purposes for all their instructors which I of course agreed to.

I had an amazing lesson today with another instructor who I probably learned more with than I had in weeks with the previous person.

To my surprise I also was able, once the instructor had given me initial basic advice on how to do sitting trot, to do both rising and sitting trot without stirrups the first time I tried without any loss of balance and to keep it going without any issue. It was actually more comfortable than with the stirrups.

I got some flack from a couple of people in my previous thread for deciding to quit the group after the instructor asked me to ride sitting trot without stirrups without first giving me any instruction of what the hell sitting trot was supposed to look like which simply made me almost fall off in the corners.

Well it kind of shows that if the instructor actually knows how to teach I am perfectly able to do it....

So the point of this thread was to confirm that for any other adult rider out there we should not have to put up with instructors who simply don't know how to get the best of us or to listen to people who tell us to quit because you are questioning something we don't believe is right!

What a good result - it is amazing the difference a good, empathetic instructor can make. Just because someone is an excellent rider, it doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily a great teacher and there are a lot of people in the horse world who are very sneery about novice riders, forgetting that they themselves were novices once.

One of the best things about riding is that people of pretty much any age can do it and there are many different ways to enjoy riding - not everyone wants to jump at Hickstead…
I hope you carry on enjoying your lessons

I remember your thread and so pleased you spoke out.

I'm pleased to read your update well done for speaking out. Enjoy your future lessons!

This makes me so happy. Well done for sorting it in a constructive way.

Brilliant, what a lovely update.

@ElectraBlue I got some flack from a couple of people in my previous thread for deciding to quit the group after the instructor asked me to ride sitting trot without stirrups without first giving me any instruction of what the hell sitting trot was supposed to look like which simply made me almost fall off in the corners

I will never understand that mentality and why some folk are just intent on making things as difficult to grasp, impossible to manage and as unpleasant to experience like many in the horse community.

My first experience with a horrible, witch of an instructor was back when I was a kid and until then I only ever rode using a halter and two knackered old ropes clipped on as makeshift reins. Didn't even understand what all the letters dotted around the arena were even for but the reason I was in that arena and having the lesson was because I could jump on, ride and get the most from a horse but my technique was sloppier than dog shit and custard.

The instructor knew all this but deliberately yelled and belittled and humiliated me in front of everyone but I was a hot headed, bad tempered little shit back then and her bullying made me so angry, I pulled up, jumped off and said to her "Instead of standing there shouting and trying to look hard in front of everyone, why don't you take a few minutes to actually explain to me what you want or better still - get on the fucking thing and actually SHOW ME how it's done??"

There is nothing more unnerving or frightening than being on a horse and feeling out of control, out of your depth and having someone yell at you for all the things you're doing wrong.

It shouldn't matter if you did know how to ride a sitting trot - if you're not comfortable or confident riding without stirrups, a decent instructor will recognise it and understand how to help you progress and move beyond your comfort zone but without it denting your confidence and setting you back. To me, when someone having a lesson is getting everything wrong the way that some instructors focus on – that's a reflection on the instructor, not the rider.

This clip is intended to be a parody but in many ways, it's pretty close to being spot on with a lot of instructors. By the way - the instructor I called out for being like this to me never, EVER rode outside the safety and confines of an arena. I'm not sure she did much riding at all come to think of it

Glad to hear you got sorted and have since found a totally different experience with someone else.

Good job for speaking out and not letting her force you to give up!