Losing my nerve? Disillusioned? Something else? Sad 😥

[MyBeloved]

Hi everyone

Not really sure what I'm expecting by way of replies if I'm honest, but here goes anyway.

After years of loving my horsey life, I'm feeling disillusioned. I'm in-between horses currently, and I've never felt so conflicted about what to do next.

I have witnessed some awful yard politics recently, which left me feeling anxious even though it did not directly involve me in any way, but aside from this, I have never felt such doubt about continuing my equestrian lifestyle, which has been all-consuming. I feel like I've fallen out of love or that something fundamental is missing and it is really upsetting me.

I guess what I'd really like to know is have any if you experienced similar? What did you do? The thought of not having a horse fills me with panic and dread, but I feel the same about having one again too :(

As someone who has been horse mad all my life, I really understand what you are saying @MyBeloved.

I lost my horse of a lifetime years ago (PTS due to sudden illness) - and at first I was lost without my equine friend. An opportunity did arise for me to have another quite soon afterwards. However, my OH persuaded me not to as he felt it was too soon, and that I needed a break from the horsey day-to-day life. I didn't pursue it any further, and all my horsey stuff was packed away.

Then life got in the way; studies, family, children, illness, bereavement - and I soon found I didn't have time for another horse.

Do I miss them? Hell, yes.

Would I have another of my own? No. The time, money, stress and yard politics are things I really do not miss about horse ownership.

I do understand the positive effect horses have on our mental health - so maybe there could be volunteering opportunities you could take up, or possible a share horse?

If you really unsure what to do, I would have a really good think before taking the plunge again!

Is it just the yard. Can you move?
What area are you in and what sort of yard are you looking for we might be able to offer suggestions?

I was feeling a bit like this OP, but found it was the yard rather than the lifestyle. Moved yards and have never been happier. Yard politics still happen, but I find in all walks of life, head down and arse up avoids the conflicts.

I like some of the other liveries but don't get involved beyond saying hello/goodbye or chatting about horses. I never slag yard owner or other liveries off and never give or ask for advice. Except from yard owner. I follow the rules and if I have an issue or question ask yard owner.

My yard owner is very strict which absolutely helps. Rules are rules and everyone has to stick to them no matter what. Most rules are about courtesy and safety.

My advice would be make a few appointments at yards and have a chat with them and see what you think. Or alternatively try a riding school that also does livery and see what you think.

Yard politics are created by people, yard owners can control it to a certain extent but they have to have good management skills.

Thanks everyone.

I've always kept myself out of any yard politics, but it was impossible to avoid due to the terrible atmosphere and general bad feelng amongst a highly charged and badly managed yard. Just being in that environment every single day was awful. I have found another yard which is totally different to the last, so not sure whether it is latent anxiety, or something else.

Sounds rough, yard politics can be upsetting even to the thickest skinned amongst us, I think because it's meant to be a happy and relaxing place (that you pay ££££ to be part of) and is so easily ruined... I've pretty much learnt to let it wash over me, current yard isn't immune from it but is relatively large which I think helps (I know some people say smaller is better but personally I find the reverse) both in terms of being physically able to distance self from any conflict or bitchiness and also dilution of the effect of the few bad eggs amongst largely nice people. Plus I am ancient now and am both actually and on occasion, tactically, quite deaf so I do really just let a lot of yard chatter wash over me! But I guess I can't recommend going deaf as a option

I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to make a final decision right now about owning another, don't buy one while you are feeling like this but equally I would guess the feeling will pass in time, you will know when the time is right (and if that time is never, that's not a disaster either, spend your money and energy elsewhere!). I went a long time between horses once (5 years +) and it was actually quite good both for my riding and sanity, I still rode a lot, had lessons, went on riding holidays, helped friends out with theirs in a low commitment way and eventually took on a loan and then that turned into buying the loan mare myself... the horse market is still a bit hairy right now anyway so no bad thing to take a pause and reevaluate?

Yard politics are even worse than school-yard politics! Time with our horses is meant to be precious and fun - hard if there's an atmosphere, bickering, petty theft, one-upmanship and sloppy yard management.

I've been very fortunate to be on almost exclusively lovely yards but also witnessed the other side of the coin and now have my own privately rented fields attached to an absolutely fabulous yard so get the best of it!!

Have you considered a share arrangement, or a loan arrangement? There are so many people desperate for reliable experienced sharers that in your shoes I'd put some feelers out and have a look round the yards that have shares and get a feel for a different type of livery yard. They do exist, and make a huge difference to the horsey experience.

I am watching horrible yard politics at the moment, you just need one to cause drama and most people won’t stand up to them. If the manager won’t deal with it firmly then it quickly becomes a toxic place.

How long has it been going on? I would love my own land.

I would have a break- if you start to miss it then you know what to do. It’s so expensive, I can’t bear to add up what I spend per year.

Again, thank you for your responses. I'm going to sleep on things over Christmas and see how I feel afterwards. I have never felt quite like this before and never imagined I'd even consider being without horses :(

I’d LOVE to have a horse again but bad experiences on yards in the past is the only thing putting me off. I could spend thousands and end up having a bad experience - it’s a big risk. It’s a sad place to be :(

I’m so sorry you feel this way. I left all main yards ( keep my two alone in a couple acre paddock) and have kept them alone for 2 years. Im so much happier and im more confident in the saddle. Maybe try loaning/ riding with someone on a small yard and see how you feel? It makes all the difference

We have ours at home, it's a real game changer.

I sold my old horse and bought a "low maintenance" one, she'll never set the world on fire but she's fun to ride and easy to care for if I don't.

I managed about a month horse free 🤣