Help DS get over sudden fear

[NoHunGosh]

Can anyone help? I'm clueless. DS (7) started riding in July. Instant passion and got v good, v fast with 3 or 4 lessons a week and lots of hanging out at the stables. He was happily cantering around and jumping cross poles(so good his riding school asked him to do a competition in September) . Switched to a smaller, faster but relatively unschooled pony and was doing even better and getting faster until 10 days ago when he had 3 'scary' lessons in a row. All relatively minor scares (1 - kid on larger pony following behind around the indoor school not keeping a safe distance so DS kept getting blocked into corners/put off stride 2- another pony bolted and the pony he was riding freaked and briefly bolted too 3-pony bucked a couple of times - never done this before). DS says he doesn't want to stop riding but is visibly scared, v nervous and anxious about potential for something going v wrong. He fell off three times in September and wasn't particularly bothered by this at the time. Now he's nervous about even trotting. It's so sad to see something which brought him so much happiness and fun now making him so scared. He's a v bright, v sensitive little boy and I don't really know how to help him (his instructors are equally baffled by his sudden onset loss of confidence). Any words of wisdom? (ps I am not in the least bit horsey and would not be terribly sad to spend less time sitting in my car waiting at the riidng school).

Confidence is very fragile and easily lost so don’t push him - let him step back a bit and see if he misses it. 3-4 lessons a week is a lot at that age and it may be that he’s feeling pressure to enjoy it and get better which may be contributing to his anxiety.

Can he go back to riding the pony he felt safe on?

I agree with the above. Maybe once a week on a pony he feels safe in for a while may help? Or could he go on some steady hacks?

I had a giant loss of confidence
Things that helped
Lunge lessons
Stopping at a good point - at my worst it was getting on, walking a circle and getting off
Addressing what I was actually scared of happening and voicing it
Making sure I was on a horse I felt safe on

Honestly I wouldn't even get on at one point but I'm so bloody stubborn I was determined to. 2 years later I did a 20km ride by myself

Also I appreciate they are more cost effective but I HATE riding school group lessons, all this front to back of the ride shit. Outside of an RS that sort of riding just doesn’t happen, if you have a group lesson on your own horse it’s always in open order (appreciate that likely won’t work for novice children but still…) and if there is an unruly horse that keeps napping to the others or flying up their arses they’d be asked to leave!
They will be more expensive but one private lesson a week would probably be more beneficial than 3 group lessons.

Why not suggest he takes a break for a month or so and then starts back . We are a horsey family and have our own , our eldest rode from 18 months on our Shetland , when he passed away we bought an 11hh Dartmoor he rode her enthusiastically for a while then she bolted , went through a fence and he had a fairly serious arm injury - he’s not been near a horse since ( he was 8) . Our daughter rode at riding school from 4 and then had a couple of scary incidents similar to your boy and decided she was only going to walk and trot from then on and gave up not long after . Our son is now 29 as is the pony who we still own .

Agree with the private lessons suggestion, group lessons done well can be a fun way for children to learn but allowing another child to career around out of control and crash into your son doesn't sound good. It sounds also like he may have been 'over faced' with being given an inexperienced pony and praised for going 'faster' - learning to canter and pop a little jump in 3-4 months is a great achievement, but really once you can ride in all 3 paces, going faster is not really a good thing in riding (unless you are Rachael Blackmore riding in the grand national of course ). Once the basics are mastered, teaching should actually be about the rider developing greater control of the horse and a more secure, balanced position and seat, which mainly you do by going slower not faster! For this reason in much of Europe beginner riders actually spend much much longer than we do in this country very slowly practicing in walk on a lunge line and fully mastering their seat before they ever trot, canter or jump. Overall I think our British style is more fun especially for children (I think my DCs would certainly have been put off by 6 months of walk lessons on a lunge) but instructors do have to be careful and balance out the potential for loss of confidence and accidents if they allow beginners to literally run before they can walk!

So yes, private lessons on a pony he feels safe on, going back to basics sounds good, lunge lessons may help too as then instructor has full control of the pony so he just focusses on himself, no other variables, doing lots of work on no stirrups/no reins/touch your toes type thing can help assure him that he isn't going to fall even if he loses balance or a stirrup etc. You need to find the right instructor to suit his personality too, some people get on best with someone very gentle and supportive, personally I prefer someone a bit more 'come on, I know you can do it so get on with it' type so it's all a matter of preference. I'm sure his confidence will come back if he has some positive experiences to counter the negatives but overall I guess if he wants to play football or do ballet instead then as you say that's fine too, there are lots of hobbies out there!

Thanks everyone. We are in Italy at a riding school without the opportunity to go out for a hack - all lessons are in a covered arena and have been a mix of dressage and jumps. The pony he's on is a rescue job from Slovenia - slightly larger than a Shetland - and he was the first of the small kids to ride it (experienced teen did a bit of work with him before and laughed at constant bucking). Not evn the yard owners can get the pony to let them near his hooves and he is a bit of a biter. I think maybe he has been pushed a bit too fast and I'm definitely ready to say only 1 to 1s or lessons only involving other mini ponies. Lessons are v cheap (15 euros a time) so maybe I should just let him decide how often he wants to go (used to want to be there every day) and how much he feels comfortable with doing. Hoping he finds his spark again - was lovely to see him so passionate about something.

That's so young and he has only been riding a few months. How on Earth did the riding school think it was a good idea to put him on an unschooled rescue?!? I'm quite shocked about this.

On your main question though, my daughter has been riding for a few years and has had numerous uneventful falls, which never affected her at all, but this one time a riding school pony she was on went completely crazy and threw her against the arena wall. My daughter fell badly and hurt her coccyx, which was very painful. It took her awhile to feel completely confident on a horse again. To start with, she never rode the "offending pony" again and she went slow initially (a lot of walking and gentle trot) before regaining her confidence. Thankfully she's completely ok now and has her own pony, which she rides every day. But my daughter is 11 and has been riding for years.

He's far too inexperienced to be riding that pony. Riding should be fun, and the focus should be on what he's ready for, not what is most convenient for the owner of the pony. Knowing horsey people, I imagine they have stuck him on this one because he's the most experienced person they've got who is small enough to ride it. But it's not up to him to bring on a green pony when he can't possibly know enough about riding green ponies to bring it on correctly. He needs to go back to riding the quiet ponies.

This is a tricky issue. He lacks experience so cannot cope on that particular pony in question at all, it is clear. He must try the quieter ones as riding must be a fun activity for the horse and the rider both. Perhaps you can find another riding school in the area that is much better.

I do not know anything about Italian riding schools but over here we try to match rider to pony as much as possible.

Like I say, my daughter is older and has been riding for a number of years; she also rides every day, and I would not be happy for her to ride an unschooled rescue horse! I think it's quite shocking that the riding school is so blasé about your 7-year-old's safety!

No idea about horses but the way in general to regain confidence is to go back a step. Can he go back to his previous pony until he builds up his confidence again.

Thanks for everyone's input. I'm feeling more positive about things after having had a long chat with his instructor today before his afternoon lesson. She devoted a lot of 1to1 time to DS and encouraged him only to do what he felt comfortable with (started being guided round on a lead rein) but was back trotting solo over poles by the end. DS said he didn't feel scared at all today and that he doesn't want to go back to the one he was riding previously. We'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks - only with 1to1 supervision with his main teacher (problems started when she was away). Fingers crossed.

That's great, well done him! Hopefully its onwards and upwards from here!

Should he (or any small child) be on a rescue pony that constantly bucks, bites, and that even experienced adults can’t get close enough to check it’s feet? That sounds like a recipe for total disaster.

Are there other riding schools?