Very horsey child with very non horsey parents!

[Rowdythree]

I have a dd11 who over the last few years has got more and more interested in horses, in fact I think she's now obsessed! She eats, sleeps and breathes horses/riding.

She's had riding lessons for about 2 years, and she's now volunteering at her stables at the weekend. Obviously she'd love her own pony, and we live in an area where a lot of children locally do have a pony. However, we are not horsey people at all. I'm not against her having a pony in the future but I feel like I wouldn't know where to start. I have no idea what care a pony needs or the costs involved. How do I find out these things?

Any advice for a complete novice, so that I can support my dd in her passion?

Horses are insanely expensive. A nice 14hh safe/sane allrounder will set you back anywhere from £5k-mid five figures depending on what you want from the horse.
I also think as novices full or at least very involved part livery is a must, realistically that’s going to be about £4-500 pcm, more if you’re in the south east, + shoes at about £80 every 6 weeks, the vet, tack, lessons… etc etc

I’d personally go for a share first, see how much she enjoys it when it’s -4 the mud is mid calf depth and you can’t ride because everything is frozen!

I could have written your post! In fact, I started a very similar thread here a few months ago, which had some great advice.

The first point of call for me was the stable where my daughter was riding/volunteering. They can help you find a suitable horse.

The cost of boarding very much depends on the yard and the type of livery you want. Where we are (North London) full livery costs a small fortune (it's about the equivalent of another mortgage every month) but there are other options depending on how much time your daughter has outside of school.

It took us about a year of searching, but (fingers crossed/touch wood - subject to vet check) we have finally found a nice pony with a lovely temperament (which obviously is the main thing).

I’m in a similar position with a slightly younger child. I think you need to consider a pony share at a local stables as a first step. I can’t remember the exact details, but I think a friend of mine pays around £300 a month and her son goes to the stables 3-4 times a week and rides twice a week. The other times he does various bits of pony care. Seems like a much easier/cheaper way of satisfying the needs of a horse loving child than buying your own pony.

Thanks for the replies! I definitely wouldn't want the responsibility of owning a horse at the moment! A pony share would be ideal, I hadn't thought of asking the stables to help look for one.

My plan is to encourage her with the volunteering for as long as possible, and allow her to go riding as often as we can. I want to know this isn't a fad before we commit to anything. Ideally, I would like to wait a couple of years before looking into a loan.

I feel like I don't even know where to buy her jodhpurs, let alone look for an actual animal! It's a whole new world for me.

@XelaM do you have a link to your previous thread so I can read the advice you got?

Speak to the riding school, they may offer a loan scheme, are they a Pony Club Centre? That would enable her to join the Pony Club without owning her own pony and she can earn badges like at Guides.

Does she read Pony magazine? If so, borrow her copy and read it too!

A lot of us on here with horsey children started out where you are, being extremely non-horsey ourselves …

Having a pony/horse is a huge responsibility - and a huge drain on family finances - but can also bring wonderful benefits.

I wouldn’t think that either you or your daughter are ready for a share yet as your dd is too young to be able to take on the responsibility so much of the work/decisions etc will fall on you. However you can do plenty of things to prepare you and your dd for getting her own in the future.

1. Get her a subscription to Pony magazine - it’s got a lot of extremely useful info alongside all the cute pony photos - you could pick up plenty of good stable management tips from it too. Plus the shopping features will give you an idea of what things she’ll need/what brands to look for etc

1. Book her onto a riding holiday where she’ll ‘own’ her own pony for a week. Riding every day will mean she makes huge improvements in a short time. My dd went to Wellington Riding every year from the age of 10-15 - highly recommended

1. Do two (or more) lessons a week for a while - it’s still cheaper than having her own and hours in the saddle with good tuition will make her a better rider. If your current riding school doesn’t have a big enough range of ponies to help her progress then look for another one

1. Get her volunteering at the stables every weekend/during school holidays - she’ll learn a huge amount and may even get paid eventually

1. Join a Pony Club centre and get her doing her badges then her Pony Club tests

1. Book yourself onto stable management lessons so that you can learn what to do and become more confident around horses

1. Don’t feel pressured into getting her a pony now or in the next couple of years - it won’t hurt her to wait! My dd couldn’t start sharing until she was 15 and allowed to be at the stables unaccompanied - logistically I couldn’t be with her every time - but it meant that she really appreciated it when she finally got her own. Also, any pony you got now would be outgrown fairly quickly and you’d then have to sell/loan out/have very deep pockets to keep two

Good luck!

@Pleasedontdothat thank you so much for that post! Brilliant advice. I didn't even know there was a Pony magazine or riding holidays!

So much to learn

@Rowdythree This is my thread on this same subject www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_tack_room/4301577-Buying-daughters-first-pony-help-please

Joining your local riding club (you can join as a non-riding member) or pony club will get you in contact with the horse world and pony owners who might be looking for a sharer. You'll need to be able to do all the care side of things first though before you share, because you'll be looking after and helping exercise the pony as if it was yours several days a week. More restrictive because you have to follow the owners wishes, but less spendy and time consuming than owning your own though. The British Horse Society can sell you books on horse care etc if you want.

Only thing I would add is that if you are in quite a horsey area is to join some local horsey FB groups. and look for a share that your DD could do Pony Club on.

Super advice here from Please and others. I'd just echo the thought that while I'm sure she'd absolutely love her own pony, please please do not feel obliged to get her one, now or indeed at any time. Until you get one you really don't realise how much they cost both in terms of time and money, the upfront purchase costs (which will def be £5k+) are just the start and even if you waited until she's a teenager you will still need to ultimately be taking the responsibility for care of the pony which is a lot to ask if it's not your own passion and unless you are very wealthy and can afford to pay for gold-plated full livery so you never have to worry at all about horse's care/welfare I can really see it impacting on your life and your family - holidays, days out, Christmas, bad weather days, all of these can be made infinitely more difficult by having a large vulnerable animal to consider!

I know it will be frustrating for her to see other kids having fun on their own ponies but it's a difficult but valuable lesson to learn at her age that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you want just for the asking even if you really, really badly want it. To be honest some of the most passionate horsey adults I know were not bought their own ponies as children/teens and only were able to have their own as an adult once they could afford it themselves which was a good motivator to do well in education/their jobs - having to wait for it only made it sweeter when they finally got their own.

Others have given you good ideas on other ways you can indulge your DD's passion and help develop her riding, this board is a lovely supportive place for non horsey parents so do come on here with any questions, large or small, you will get help and answers (providing you don't post something like 'I've just bought 7yo DD who's just come off the lead rein a 5 year old 16.2 ex racing stallion, I thought it would be nice for them to grow up together, anyone got any recs for sheds it can live in' or similar in which case expect a flaming

Thank you for all the lovely supportive posts, I've got to say as a non horsey person like myself, the horse world can appear quite intimidating, so thank you everyone for such thoughtful and helpful replies.

I've ordered DD her first copy of Pony magazine, and she can have a subscription as a Christmas present. And I've had a look at the Wellington riding holidays and had a brief chat to her about it, and she is extremely enthusiastic about going! How far in advance does booking open for these holidays?

I definitely won't be rushing into buying a horse or even loaning one. I will probably increase the number of lessons she has weekly and she can continue with her volunteering.

Thanks again everyone

Wellington holidays are very popular so get booked up quickly. I’d call them and ask when bookings will open.

The horse world can be intimidating at first if you don’t come from a horsey family, but most people are very happy to answer questions and help.

I'll give them a call! Now she knows they exist, it will be devestating if she doesn't get to go because of my lack of organisation! 😬

You can buy second hand boots and jodhs online on Facebook marketplace etc. If you keep an eye on aldi they do equestrian stuff sometimes in their special buys. The jodhpurs are pretty good quality for the price at least they are in adult sizes.

Never buy a second hand hat or body protector.

Maybe have a few lessons yourself - you might be surprised and fall in love with the hobby!

I took my horse mad daughter to Olympia horse show a few years ago and she still talks about it and desperate to go again. If you can get to London it’s a great treat for a horse lover.

That's a good idea! I've looked at tickets for Horse of the year show too, but I think I've left it too late for this year.

Just looked on this topic as I’m in a similar situation….though we’re set up for ponies at home (paddocks, stables etc) I’m not confident (though not a total novice)… Does anyone know of any pony holiday companies other than Wellington?

I was that child! My poor parents... mum was quite anti, but dad let me have my own once I was 14 and happy that I could get to and from the yard on my bike with a friend, and other adults supervising. He also thought that it would keep me out of trouble and away from boys, he admitted when I was older!

My own DD has her own, and even though I knew what I was letting myself in for, I didn't. Quite a big bill including £54 for fly spray in the summer when I asked the vet to check if he had sweet itch whilst she was there doing annual jabs...

But gosh, it's all-consuming and just the most wonderful hobby, hope she stays in love with it.