Horses and pregnancy / parenthood

[TashieWoo]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, will be 3 weeks on Sunday. I am 33 and in a secure, lovely relationship with DP (40). We have just bought a house together but are waiting for it to go through. We don’t live together yet as he lives 1.5 hours away but is relocating.

We are in two minds about whether to continue with this (unplanned) pregnancy as although we did want to start a family in the next year or so, the timing of this one isn’t good. We don’t live together properly yet, I want to change jobs and to be honest, enjoy my life in my new house for a bit. I know that sounds really selfish but I’ve finally got to a stage where I’m doing well at work, have some money, and will have a lovely house less than a mile from my 2 horses.

Which brings me onto my next point… I’m not sure how I will fit everything in. One horse is retired and one is in work, although limited as he has stifle issues. He is safe to ride but can be difficult to handle. I don’t have many problems with him because I know him and I’m experienced, and those who help me now (DIY livery and ad hoc job sharing) don’t have any problems with him. But due to this and his stifle problems, which require ongoing management after surgery, I will not be able to put him out on loan or even get a sharer as that would be too risky. And I don’t think I’d want to either. He would be okay with 6 months off and I will just have to do what I can.

I’m just so worried about fitting everything in. My horses and job get all of me at the moment, and with a baby I’m not sure there is enough to go around. It would be a big financial stretch as well. But my horses are always going to be there so I need to get used to the idea of having them and a baby/child, it’s just such a shock.

I think I feel quite alone as well as DP isn’t with me and we won’t be living together for a few months while we wait for the house to go through. If this was in a year I think I’d be feeling differently. DP is being brilliant and says he will support me whatever, but like me he is leaning towards the ‘sensible option’ of not continuing with this pregnancy.

I don’t know why I’m posting really, I’m just up in the middle of the night and need to get it out. How did pregnancy and parenthood affect your horsey life?

Do whatever is right for you and don’t look back. Saying that there is never a “right time” to have a child. There will always be things you want to do and it would be better if…

I'm almost 25 Weeks pregnant. It has had a big impact on my ability to do my horse pretty early on. Very bad pregnancy sickness made it quite hard to do much and whilst I have plans to just get by and do the best I could, in my head I was feeling like I wasn't giving my mare enough. Thankfully one of the other yard girls who had helped me from time in the past has stepped up and now does all the physical work with my mare, riding, stables etc especially as as the pregnancy progressed my pelvis has become a very painful issue. Dint get me wrong id have got by and my mare would have coped. It was just easier this way. I still go up and groom and spend time, or spectate if my friend wants to take her to a competition. :) I thought I'd find it hard to step back - this Horse has been my life for 13 years now, but if anything ice felt relief and know she will be there when I'm able to do much more.

When I had my first child I was 27 and had 3 horses and a Shetland pony on DIY with a shared workload with my sister . I had an incredibly difficult and troubled pregnancy throughout so at about 13 weeks we carted all of ours off to a full livery yard except the Shetland who my mum could deal with . Unfortunately we couldn’t get them all on the same yard initially so I spent my days driving around so I could check on them all . We never took them off full livery , they were all fairly old and only one of them was still in regular work and it was so much easier not having to deal with the chores and just visit . Very expensive way to do it though .

Thank you for all the replies.

DP and I have decided that a termination is the most sensible option. We aren’t living together yet and the house purchase could take months to go through, plus his employment situation is unstable at the moment, although looking very promising. We want to be able to enjoy the pregnancy together properly, and in a year’s time it could be much better.

I think what this has taught me is that the horses will always be there and they will be fine, even if they aren’t at the forefront of my life.

I just hope this goes smoothly and I can conceive again in the future, but a medical termination is extremely unlikely to have an effect on future fertility, especially at this very early stage.