I miss it all!

[Disneyblue]

When I was a teenager I was at a big livery yard with my own pony, had lots of friends, competed, did it all.
Then I outgrew my pony, bought a horse who was completely unsuitable, lost my confidence. Then life happened, university happened and I quit it altogether. Now married with a good job, got a little girl, lovely house etc.

I can't help but look at profiles of friends who I used to ride with and they're still at the same yard, competing, their own kids have their own ponies. I'm so sad that it all ended the way it did for me, even though I'd have quit because of university anyway.

Part of me just yearns for it all back. I miss it all so much. But life is so different now. I lived and breathed that life yet if I went back now I'd have to buy my own horse. I always dreamed of showjumping at BJSA level or doing a one day event. I still would love to do it all again.

But how on earth do I do that with a very demanding job and toddler? My confidence is low as well. I can hardly find any horses for sale near me never mind something that would be suitable.

Has anyone gone back to riding after a very long break and made it work? Or am I kidding myself?

I think the best thing is after a long break are good lessons, and then maybe a share.

Buying after a very long break and with limited confidence is likely a recipe for disaster

OP, I’m in sort of the same position - owned horses growing up then sold my last horse when I went off to uni. I can’t even make it to the gym these days between work and two kids, so no idea when I’d fit in a horse! I envision one day getting something for my older daughter that I could hack when she’s at school. Playing the long game!

@lastqueenofscotland

I think the best thing is after a long break are good lessons, and then maybe a share.

Buying after a very long break and with limited confidence is likely a recipe for disaster

You're right. The issue is I've tried the odd lesson in the last few years and I often don't enjoy them purely because I can already ride, and it's difficult to get enthusiastic if I'm riding a horse that is reluctant to break into a trot!

I almost need a happy medium.
I did used to part loan a horse a few years ago which was perfect but was sold on.
It's so hard to find any decent part loan now though. And even harder having a 22 month old with me...

You have my sympathies, it's hard. I really would try with the lessons just because if you can find somewhere decent it's the best way of ticking your riding over without the commitment. Both LastQueen and I have previously bemoaned the difficulties for competent adult riders finding good quality lessons on here so I totally get it but I think it would be worth persevering, maybe travel slightly further away, pay a bit more, try somewhere that's larger or an exam centre, if they do BHS stage 2 and 3 exams they have to have reasonable quality horses, they may not put you on them first time even if you say you can ride (too many people turn up saying they're a great rider, can jump grand prix etc only to sock the horse in the mouth then fall off and threaten to sue, for them to take your word for it ) but once they get to know you you should get something from lessons. From there build up your network (people on large livery yards will often take on a 'known' sharer even if they don't advertise), maybe loan a riding school horse, look for a share once your DD is a little older, or perhaps look into horse holidays, you can get ones in lovely locations and if you are prepared to pay £££ can get school master lessons on top horses for SJ dressage etc if that's your thing, or just enjoy lots of scenic hacking...

Realistically - with a demanding job and a young family this is going to be difficult. I was incredibly horsey as a child and young adult, then moved for work, got married etc etc and didn't ride for decades. When my DC were older my DD became interested. Long story short, I did end up again with my own horse, now own 3 of the buggers, am permanently skint, DD grown up, moved away, married so I'm left with lots of ponies!

Fortunately I've managed to find a good set-up livery-wise and they're just down the road, and I potter about at weekends, box up and meet friends, hack locally. One of them is retired and one out on full loan so I manage.

I did find a lot had changed the few decades I was out of it, and it took a while to get back into it - after having kids my confidence wasn't what it was, but it's been an absolute blast and I wouldn't have NOT done it for the world.

But with very young children - I'd think very carefully. Wait till they're old enough to look after themselves or try to get a share for a couple of days. Full time horse ownership is, as you know, very very tieing Not to mention hugely expensive. The unexpected costs just keep coming and insurance doesn't cover all the vet expenses by a hell of a long chalk.

You need a decent riding school, where they have schoolmasters like old competition horses. So you can get back into it safely but properly, not on an old plodder that's used for beginners. It shouldn't take too long to get back into shape, and then you can think in terms of buying or sharing.

Whereabouts are you? Maybe one of us can recommend somewhere.

If you are struggling to get dead to the leg horses to trot, and have lost the skills to wake them up and get them off your leg a bit more, then I'd definitely be looking at lessons again rather than jumping straight into buying.

You need lessons somewhere that caters properly for adults. It might mean travelling a bit further than preferred, but is a means to an end. Also, persevere after the initial competency check lesson, they are always going to assume you are over exaggerating your experience for that.

I had a long break and then came back to riding as an adult. I had about 6 months of lessons at a riding school that also has a lot of good liveries (as in great horses with owners that want to get out and about and do stuff). We part loaned a riding school horse for a few months during the first lockdown and it kind of got me in with the livery folks, and after a while, a couple of them very generously encouraged me to ride their lovely horses on the days they weren't there, or evenings if they only rode mornings etc. It might not always work like that, but I've been so lucky and I think it's ended up being a really mutually beneficial situation.

We now have a share for me, and recently got my daughter a pony, and it's all working out really well. It is possible, but I think you sometimes have to try a few places to find the kind of environment where people welcome a newcomer.

What I have realised is my confidence in my riding and safety on horses is fine (many say as returning adults it isn't!), but post-baby, my confidence in my ability to make the right decisions re horse care is shot through the floor. I think as a teenager I just found my own groove with my loan and followed instructions, but as an adult I do a lot of 'can I just sense check this with you...'. I had pretty bad post-natal anxiety and somehow feel this is the same...the responsibility of keeping another being alive and healthy and happy does seem to freak me out a bit!

I'm only saying this because many say it's the riding they lose confidence in, I'm just saying for me it wasn't that, but the horsecare worries really surprised me!

Echo some of the above. I think a lot of riding schools are crap but even at the good ones I do see why they need you to rough out a few lessons on the really really ploddy ones. SO many riders would have you believe theyre the dogs bollocks, and are really unbalanced riders who will upset all but the most quiet of animals.
Would maybe once a month at a “better” school (talland/Wellington etc) be realistic for you?
Sharing if you need to take your DC with you could be a huge issue. My 5yo mare is the nicest horse I’ve ever had on the ground in a lifetime of owning horses and i have a sharer but when I was looking for one it would be a hard no if someone said they’d need to bring a child along. I’d worry about supervision, I’d assume she would only ever get ridden in the arena and never hacked, I’d also worry about something going wrong, we stable near a wedding venue and some of their marque blew away(!!!) once when I was turning out, my mare was a good girl about it but did jump, and needed a bit of reassurance afterwards as she was a bit tense and snorty.
Add a tiny child to that mix and it’s a nightmare.
I know a lot of yards who have blanket no - children rules, supervised or unsupervised for these exact reasons.

That was me (but didn't own).

Do it - I got back by finding a good local school - DD has ridden there since she was 4 but is not an addict like me.

I had lesson for a bit then got the chance to share a horse there.

I ride 3/4 times a week and have dressage lessons with my yard owner.

I'd lost my confidence too - even worse after after having DD. My mare can be spooky but as I've got better out partnership has improved. I've described the joys of (very low level) dressage. Not quite the adrenaline rush of jumping but a huge satisfaction when it (briefly) all comes together and my little cob goes like a proper dressage pony - adjustable power - a lovely feeling.

Now DD is a bit older (10) we've been on 3 riding holidays - getting more challenging.

We recently got back from 5 full days on exmoor - staying on the yard and riding out for 7 hours a day on "proper" horses - TBs, hunters and Arabs where we galloped about together- she is fearless!

Riding at a good yard you'll meet other horsey women - seems to be either Pre teen kids or mums/older women (I'm both) where we are. And through the grapevine you'll find out about shares/loans/horses for sale.

Do it. I'm so pleased I did. Horses are part of my soul and I'm just as happy mucking out/grooming the muddy beast/cleaning tack - because it's not a chore, it's fun.

And I've got my confidence back. Not to the point where I'll get on anything but enough to laugh at the odd spook.

Once you are a horse girl you always are

And even riding schools with better horses for experienced riders will want you to get that plod trotting.

I got offered a share after I got a reasonable medium trot out of the resident "beginners horse."

I had horses as a teen at a similar yard/level, sold up for Uni and ended up having a 20 year break for life/career building/family, when I only rode on holidays.
Three years ago I got back into riding when my then 8year old DS wanted lessons. I had weekly lessons for almost a year on increasingly challenging horses at a good riding school, and volunteered as a helper one day a week for the latter 6 months, which got my stable management back up to speed.
I then had a part-loan older-but-feisty TB mare for almost a year before she was sold on, and then bought a 4 year old mare, who I’m having a lot of fun bringing on. I’m on a good DIY livery yard with lots of expertise and help available, and I’m a much more considerate rider/owner than I was as a teen.
The thing that made owning doable now is that DS is at an age where he can be helpful at the yard, or he can safely stay at home for a couple of hours. I wouldn’t have managed with a child

You need to look for a better riding school . I went back to riding after 20 yrs a couple of years ago but found a school where the horses were not all typical plodding riding school types and the teaching was very different to the norm .

Hello! I'm now 56 and started riding again after a 20 + year break last year. I never had my own pony as a child and bought for the first time last November, My kids are much bigger now so I have the time, but I have entered a one day event this year and lots of show jumping classes / hunter trials etc ...
with a toddler and a demanding job you would need full livery - could you afford that ? maybe a horse share would be an option ? Give t a go, you daughter might get into it too and that would be really fun *( and expensive)!!

Oh and I have had a lesson almost every week since November! it has helped HUGELY

I rode for a living until I was about 22 and then had a long break of at least 10 years before I bought a two year old. I had put on a huge amount of weight in those 10 years and at one point was convinced I'd never ride again due to my weight. But today I have 14 horses, 3 infoal and 3 "dressage"' horses to ride and compete. So yes I think you can definitely find a way to ride. I'd love for something to share rather than pay for unsatisfactory lessons until you're back upto speed and then buy your own. My dream was to do affiliated dressage and I am very happy to report that I am doing it. We even win occasionally 🤣

I think with a long break and a baby, physically you won't be the same rider you were. Your core will be shot, balance gone and don't underestimate the skeletal changes, particularly through your hips.

I have just backed and ridden away my youngster after a 20 year break. Only possible because she is an absolute saint and I have owned her for a few years and have a very good relationship with her through the groundwork we have done. And because I know my physical limitations the minute it's too much I will get professional help.

Being a good rider is not only staying on the fizzy stuff, it's getting a tune out of the dead to the leg stuff as well. And to do that you need to be riding fit and able to wrap around rather than kick on.

Stick with lessons at a decent school, get your fitness up. Tbh proper riding fit comes from hours a week in the saddle so a loan when you can is a good idea as long as you can have lessons as well.

Start small. You're not going to be able to buy now as you don't have time. So for the time being persist with a decent riding school. As said previously, even the most basic of schools usually has more advanced horses 'off menu'. When my kids were younger and I was pushed for time I had lessons at the local trekking centre. Rather than the hairy cobs, I rode the instructors' horses and I think they enjoyed working with their own horses and someone that could ride. Once both children were at school I contacted a few local livery yards and asked anyone was looking for a horse share/part loan. I now ride/do yard chores twice a week. I will expand that as I get more time. It's not a lost cause just because you can't do it all at once. Start making horses a regular part of your life again and see where it takes you...

I echo what others have said - the riding school I go to has excellent tuition. All the instructors are show jumpers and the yard is owned by an internationally-successful show jumper. They all compete and there are excellent horses there - I was watching someone yesterday having a lesson with the owner on her own former top show jumper. Somewhere like that would be great for you. Good luck!

I did it. Had a pony as a kid, lived and breathed horses but quit for uni. I then had an 18 year break before starting lessons again when my daughter was 8 and started riding. After a couple of years I bought a horse which we now share although it's a me-sized horse. Can't believe I left it so long. I now have a 1 year old too but still fit the horse in.