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Original poster

Stalls changed without being told

58 replies

JudyandPunch · 06/08/2021 16:53

Ok, I am new to this horse world, so that I would appreciate advice on this.

My daughter (just turned 11 yo) has a full loan on her lovely pony. We have been fortunate to find a great place that works so well in many aspects.

But here is the kick: yesterday, the barn owner moved DD’s pony from an inside-facing stall to an outside-facing one. This was done to accommodate another horse who was having some issues with the horse next to him. Nobody told us about this move, despite us being at the barn every day during summer so therefore easily available for a quick chat.

I feel now the environment has changed for my daughter. She no longer has adults around her when she is at the stall with her pony. Granted, there are adults around the tack area, and I guess she should be when grooming and getting Pony ready for her ride. I also feel they should have explained to us what they were planning on doing. We're we taken for granted? I mean we spend an enormous amount of money on the loan and barn costs? Should we have a say or at least be told in advance? The barn owner told me she reserves the right to move the horses as she sees fit. 🤨 To complicate things, the pony’s owner works at the barn and was present when the move occurred. I feel she was told about the move and was ok with it. The barn owner insists it was solely her decision and that she will do what she sees fit for the wellbeing of the animals.

Is it wrong to feel that this has been clumsily handled? Should we have been told about the plans beforehand? I can’t shake off the feeling that they would do this to an adult (i.e., move your horse without telling you first)? Am I wrong to be upset that DD no longer has adults' supervision at most times? She is very responsible, but still only 11 yo.

Am I wrong to be upset? What is the done thing regarding moving horses’ stall?

OP posts:
CountryCob · 07/08/2021 01:22

I know how hard this is as I have a child and have had baby with horses to look after too and little family help but you cannot expect others to look after the child without an arrangement being made to that the effect

trevorandsimon · 07/08/2021 13:05

Oh the post got deleted before I saw it! Is the op leaving her 11 year old there unattended?

Original poster
JudyandPunch · 08/08/2021 01:02

Yep, I am leaving my 11 yo there unattended. It's common practice in the barn. If the barn owner is happy to have her, and I am ok with it too, why are you posters getting yourselves up in arms about it? Surely is mine and the professionals dealing with her that gets to decide.

I genuinely don't understand why so many people feel their opinion on how others run their lives is so important and within to demand more details. Passing judgment, self righteous, given opinion when no one asked, etc. Classic behaviour of a certain type of person.

Pls check yourself, just saying….

Bye all! 🙃

OP posts:
Noname12321 · 08/08/2021 01:10

You asked for advice. Specifically you asked the question Am I wrong to be upset that DD no longer has adults' supervision at most times? She is very responsible, but still only 11 yo.

People gave advice, otherwise known as their opinion.

If you don’t want advice, don't ask for it.

TiddyTidTwo · 08/08/2021 01:37

YABU. But I get it. Tis a funny old world with horse people

Kanaloa · 08/08/2021 05:42

I don’t think anyone cares that you’re leaving your child unattended except you. You obviously don’t want to leave her unattended, you want her to be supervised by other people at the stables.

Datingandnoideahowto · 08/08/2021 07:04

You’re leaving her unattended but expecting her to have supervision. From your posts.

That’s a bit of a contradiction.

Biggles001 · 08/08/2021 07:12

I think, yes, it would have been nice if you had been informed of the change before it happened, but you are BU to moan that you're annoyed because it means your daughter is unsupervised for longer. As a parent, unless you're paying for it, supervising is your job

HungryHippo11 · 08/08/2021 07:16

Am I wrong to be upset that DD no longer has adults' supervision at most times

Yes you are in the wrong. Random adults aren't responsible for supervising your daughter.

You aren't unreasonable to expect them to let you know about the change of stable

Polkadotties · 08/08/2021 11:12

From what I know American ‘barns’ and UK ‘yards’ are very different in terms of how the horse care is organised, children left on yards etc. It might be common practice to leave a child at the barn all day in America whereas it wouldn’t be here in the UK

Ariela · 08/08/2021 11:44

Here in UK, it's normal for safety/insurance reasons that children are not left unsupervised at a yard.

NoProblem123 · 08/08/2021 19:51

Maybe this wasn’t a horse issue at all.

Maybe the other horse owners at the barn have complained that they’re not free childcare and they have concerns that your novice (by your own admission) 11yo daughter is being left alone to get on with a fairly new (by your own admission) pony.

Original poster
JudyandPunch · 08/08/2021 22:35

Or maybe you have no idea what you are talking about. There are only 2 children, both spend summer helping at the barn, together.

Oh, the entitlement of dishing out opinions when one has no idea what they are talking about! And you just gave me a perfect example. Haha!!

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 08/08/2021 23:10

Did you mean to be quite so rude ?

Nobody is ‘dishing out opinions’ - You’ve asked for opinions on a specific scenario so people are kindly taking time out to reply.

Children need supervising by adults, not other children. And that’s in any environment, but specifically in a high risk environment such as around horses.

Original poster
JudyandPunch · 09/08/2021 00:00

I did mean to be as rude as you.

I will let the barn owner know the opinions you are dishing out, sorry, sharing, on how to run the place.

Or maybe I won’t. As not all opinions are there to be shared.

OP posts:
dunkaccino · 09/08/2021 00:19

Basing my opinion on only the two american barns I've been to (and I mean barns in the US, not the UK type of stabling) they are very different from stables here. Kids were dropped off and left for the day and the barn owner and staff pretty much looked after them almost like daycare for bigger kids for the summer. They looked after their own ponies and did jobs around the barn/paddocks and helped with other people's horses too.

There was quite a different atmosphere too, but that could be due to the social class of the child there. It is/was a more expensive hobby than it is here, especially the type of English riding with English tack (barn owner sourced it from the UK). They massively looked down on the western world. Lovely kids though.

If you asked your questions on a US site rather than a UK one you'd probably get very different answers. We have similar language, but very different cultures.

m00rfarm · 09/08/2021 00:35

Wow. So glad you were never a livery on our yard. Can’t wait until you start competing with your loan pony. Your posts are going to be a real treat.

Original poster
JudyandPunch · 09/08/2021 02:45

We have already started competing, and all went well. And I don’t plan on moving so you don’t have worry. I like you, am also very glad our paths are not going to cross. And no more posts from me either, sorry: no real treats for you.

Dunkaccino, you are right. The cultural difference is huge, and it is magnified here we’re we live. But I learned a lot from this post. I have apologised to the owner for my lack of understanding of the rules. For their part, they acknowledge that communication is key so they will also do things differently going forward. I learned tons, so I thank all posters, even the ones critical. And I am glad I give as good as I get. 😊

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 09/08/2021 08:32

You’d be shown the gate on my yard Grin

countrygirl99 · 09/08/2021 14:49

No wonder Americans have a certain reputation. I used to think it was unfair but maybe I was wrong.

XelaM · 09/08/2021 15:33

Just to say OP, I think people are being unfair. I have a daughter if similar age and she actually volunteers at her yard. She is there 9:00-5:30 some days. I can't be there with her the whole day holing her hand! Of course I leave her there on her own. It's generally the doen thing here. Not sure why people are ao surprised. 11 is hardly 5

XelaM · 09/08/2021 15:34

Apologies for al the typos. Am on my phone and touch screen not being my friend

Original poster
JudyandPunch · 09/08/2021 15:45

XelaM, thank you for your post. I think I know why people are being so unfair. Leaving children at the barn is absolutely common practice here and something most serious places offer because they want children to develop all-around horsemanship.

And the irony is: I am not even American! 😉🤣

OP posts:
VeryLongBeeeep · 09/08/2021 15:47

@XelaM

Just to say OP, I think people are being unfair. I have a daughter if similar age and she actually volunteers at her yard. She is there 9:00-5:30 some days. I can't be there with her the whole day holing her hand! Of course I leave her there on her own. It's generally the doen thing here. Not sure why people are ao surprised. 11 is hardly 5
Most yards generally have to be more health & safety conscious these days, so it is becoming less and less 'the done thing'. The costs of running a livery yard or riding school are spiralling with many closing their doors and insurance is a big chunk of those costs. It's much easier to ban or restrict unsupervised children, especially if there is an expectation that other liveries, who are paying no small amount to be there, will act as unpaid childcare while the parents go off and do their own thing. The child labour laws have also tightened up over the years and yards have to be careful not to fall foul of them. The idyllic days of the 1970s and 80s when kids spent every weekend and school holiday grooming, mucking out, cleaning tack etc in the hope of earning the odd free lesson are gradually coming to an end, so you're fairly lucky if your yard has no issue with your daughter being there unsupervised.
historyrocks · 09/08/2021 16:12

@XelaM

Just to say OP, I think people are being unfair. I have a daughter if similar age and she actually volunteers at her yard. She is there 9:00-5:30 some days. I can't be there with her the whole day holing her hand! Of course I leave her there on her own. It's generally the doen thing here. Not sure why people are ao surprised. 11 is hardly 5
Our riding school has a similar set-up. Kids are allowed to help out/hang out providing 1) they’re at least 11 and 2) they’ve been judged to be competent handling horses. Kids spend all day there and it’s a lovely community for them.