Shared loan, part loan, full loan... I'm in a pickle!

[tinnedpears]

My daughter,12, has outgrown her pony. We don't want to sell him, he'll belong to us for life.

I have been jokingly harassing one of the women on the yard to loan my pony when my daughter has outgrown him. I've also been doing the same to my daughter's best mate's mother. Daughter's best mate's mother has always said no, she'd love to, but daughter's best mate is loaning another pony elsewhere.

So, when I decided to put the pony out for loan, I asked my friend on the yard if she'd like to full loan him (as in look after him all the time). She said she couldn't afford it. I was disappointed, but hey ho. I could tell she really wanted to but genuinely couldn't afford it so I thought about it and offered her part loan, (even though I need the money from a full loan) She ummed and ahhd but I said please try to make a decision as I was in a bit of a rush (new horse arriving in a week) In an attempt to bribe her (jokingly) I sent lots of pics and videos of our amazing beastie doing amazing things.

Fast forward just one day and I take my daughter to see her best mate. Tell best mates mum the situation and she said please please can she part loan him for daughter. I immediately said yes......... It would mean my daughter and her best mate could be together on the same yard - it would be lovely and what the two girls had always dreamed of.

Then, I get a text from woman at the farm saying she can part loan him and can full loan him in November. Ok I think, the full loan in November won't happen as I want my daughter's best mate to still have him. But, I messaged my lady on the yard and said there'd been developments and X can part loan him, and so can she. Shared loan is also a thing. Perfect! I thought.

So she's got back to me and said can we speak tomorrow because she didn't want a shared loan.

The shared loan would mean that person one has their set days, and so does person two. I thought doing this would work pretty well - the two mums know one another, and we are all nice easy going people. Also if you have part loan, you just have set days anyway! The two women get on really well, we all do.

But, tomorrow, I'm going to have to tell her that if she wants to be involved, it will have to be shared with my other friend. She will think that she was the first one to be asked, in fact I did say that I was giving her first refusal for a full loan, but I never thought my daughter's best mate's mum would ever take me up on loaning the pony. (she's always been my first choice really)

Apologies if none of this makes sense - I've had a glass of wine to calm down - I hate letting people down but this arrangement would be the best for me as I get more costs covered!!!

My opinion, for what it is worth, is make your life as least complicated as possible. I'd be wary of letting people share my pony if this was not something one party wanted to do. Shares involve good communication and teamwork.

Full loans are really thin on the ground at the moment and I am absolutely sure someone will bite your arm off if you were to ask around. Just be very careful. Vet whomever you loan to extremely carefully and either keep on your current yard, or visit on a regular basis if not. Ensure you have a contract in place (you can download one free on the BHS website) and be very clear about expectations and responsibilities.

Good luck :)

It does sound a bit of a pickle. How did the conversation go? I think what I have learnt from having sharers for my horses over the years is that good communication, clear expectations and reliability on both sides is key, and also if at the outset you are struggling to make it work for both you and them, it probably isn't going to work out long term.

So I think you probably just have to be a bit brusque and say to the first person (I think I have this right) either that the loan offer's off the table full stop as you've found someone else, and/or that the part loan offer is still there but only on XYZ terms and she can take it or leave it. I know it's hard and you don't want to let anyone down but ultimately it's better to be upfront and very clear from the outset than try and compromise to make it work but struggle and end up having to end the loan, messing people (and your pony) around in the process. The former may briefly be awkward and disappointing for the first lady, but then you can move forward on a good foundation, the latter can really lead to long-term loss or difficulty in friendships, believe me I've been there done that.

Good luck sorting it all out!