Horsey kids, non-horsey mum. Talk to me about falls.

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My kids love horses, they tried once and they’ve been into them since. We have a really cheap deal with the stables for lessons a little informally just them 3, it’s a simple place and they are lovely, so it’s been easy to support. For the youngest I lead (it’s a very quiet time of day).

I’m though not horsey, I like them but I’m clueless. I know I’m a bit crap on lead rein as I’m not always good at reading them.

My youngest (5) starred recently and is now more confident, but obv at her age in still on lead rein. I feel so rubbish as today she fell off. Bouncy bouncy pony and she rose at the wrong point on a trot and bounced off.

She’s fine, stood up and wanted lifting back on once she’d said sorry for scaring the pony.

I’m was a nervous wreck though! Visions of her being trampled (now I’m calm I can see the pony was excellent and just backed away from her really fast). The older two were also riding alone and totally calm, halted their horses immediately and waited for us in control whilst the instructor helped us. I still though have such fears tbh about them falling off, they tend to ride such huge horses. I obviously don’t let it show, the kids don’t realise, but I’m sure the horses here my tone and feel my nerves better and sometimes I know they get skitty.

I’m rambling, but what advice do you have for me supporting my kids. Bribe them to take up gymnastics or something???

When they're on ponies and they're young and still finding their balance, falling is inevitable. But they will also bounce when they hit the ground ;) it's when your old that things start to pop and crack and you're generally tumbling from a greater distance >_<

Bouncing off in trot when you have short little legs around the round barrel of a pony is very easy to do. She will get better as she gets taller and is able to wrap her legs around a bit more.

As long as they've got a good hat and back protector when they're riding they should be fine, especially while they're still on lead rein and not galloping across the fields and leaping over things.

There's a good Facebook group if you haven't already found it - ShitEventersUnite - I'm a very nervous old rider and it's helped me with confidence, seeing all these riders making mistakes, tumbling off, but getting back on and carrying on.

Normalise falling, everyone does it, but learn to tumble safely! There's an old Horse & Hound video here with the British Racing School.

Honestly it’s a part of riding. I worked as a work rider in Newmarket for many years and also used to do a lot of backing and breaking. Falling off is a part of it, I’m sure anyone who’s ridden out on Newmarket hears shouts of “LOOSE ONE” in their sleep.

It’s hard to reduce the chance of falls but can reduce the risk of serious injury with a well fitting hat, smooth soled shoes etc. Don’t make a deal of it either. A quick and breezy “oh dear, two legs? Breathing?” And Chuck em back on was always my outlook when I used to do a bit of instructing at a pony club branch.

It’s just a part of it. Most horse people I know are forever showing people videos of their horse decking them after losing its mind about a murderous crisp packet and laughing about it. If they are going to continue riding you and them just need to accept it’s part and parcel.

Although your informal set up with the stables concerns me slightly.
Are the BHS/ABRS accredited? If not I’d look elsewhere even if the expense meant they had to ride less often

Yes to what others have said, falls are common enough, in fact they're part and parcel of learning, but serious injuries are very rare (talking about children doing appropriate activities on sensible ponies and wearing the right gear) so do try not to worry as your fear may transmit itself to the children and it would be a pity to spoil something that gives them so much pleasure. I've been riding all my life, my kids all rode when younger and one still does as an adult so maybe 80 or 90 years regular riding between us including some more dangerous activities like cross country, and cumulatively we've had 1 fall into a nettle patch resulting in sore stings, a couple of mild concussions, one broken ankle (me, as an adult, from a very innocuous fall!) and some minor winding/bruises/sprains. That's not bad going and certainly quite a lot better than some families I know where skiing or mountain biking is the family hobby where broken limbs and trips to A&E seem to abound . TBH, maybe we've just got hard bones as a family, but their friends who did supposedly 'safer' hobbies like football or dance seemed to end up on crutches or in plaster cast from sporting injuries far more than my DC ever did!

Like LastQueen I did slightly wonder about your set-up though, it sounds lovely and friendly but not very professional - why are your older kids riding huge horses? Do they not have appropriately sized ponies they can ride? Why are you the one leading your DD, a more formal school will either use a lunge line or have a more experienced helper lead them, as they will be better able to keep in control of pony whilst helping the child e.g. by counting their 'ups and downs' for them whilst teaching rising trot. Maybe investigate more of a proper riding school for them, as they progress they'll want to do more and more (cantering, hacking, jumping, mounted games etc) and for that they'll need suitable ponies, it's fine to have their first sits and be lead around on a calm larger horse but once they're riding independently they really need a pony that matches their size... plus I would really want as a non horsey parent to be assured that all the proper safety procedures and insurances were in place which if it's not a approved riding school may not be the case!

Kids fall off, my daughter seems to like to do it on a fairly regular occurrence. She’s 8, she has a 2 minute cry due to embarrassment and then gets on with it, back cantering away down the field and I’m still having a mental heart attack. I think for us mums it’s worse for us and as they get bigger, jump higher go faster it’s us who have to deal with the worry. I deal with it by making sure she has well fitted hat and back protector and knowing she bounces multiple times before. If you make a fuss it will make them more nervous.

There was a saying when I learnt to ride 7 falls make a rider.
It is part of learning and even the best rider can come off. All you can do as others have said is make safety a priority. My riding instructor who is very highly regarded used to tell me not to tell my mother as I entered my teenage years and started jumping, riding less experienced horses etc, I actually think that was good advice although I did end up hiding some fairly bad bruises.

Sorry to cause confusion @lastqueenofscotland, it’s a proper stable. Small but fully registered insured etc, I just men informal as it’s not a fixed time with others and it’s mates rated. Same instructor, just me doing lead rein instead did the volunteers.

There are though lately lacking on ponies I’ll admit. Three retired at once, one hasn’t proved right for lessons for complex reasons and those replaced on livery are big. The school horses are bomb proof (I’ve seen them not flinch in some surprising ways) but they are rather large, and my middle one very small. Also with lockdown they haven’t been riden much, the school horses. I think it’s been a very hard period.

There’s another good thread on this board a bit further down about someone’s daughter falling off.

My dc have learned on non riding school ponies - young and green the other or old and wise and a complete toad. They fell off frequently, bounce and get back on. It's all part of the process but they rarely/never fall off anymore. Their seats are amazing and they can deal with the pony high jinks. (It's always the ponies, the horses they get to ride are far more sensible) We've had one broken bone from a grooming accident of all things.

God yes I hit indoor school walls, got dumped in cross country ditches and everything.

Its part of learning. Definitely toughens kids up. It made me far more resilient and determined.

With a decent hat, shoes and back protector they'll will be ok.

You have had some sensible advice from some experienced people here, OP, so I will just briefly agree with them. Falling off is inevitable. It’s part & parcel of riding, at any level. And kids bounce ; most of the time, anyway. What’s important is getting proper safety kit, and wearing it every time they ride. If they scare themselves & lose their nerve, they will let you know.

I rode from age 3 and was always falling off because I had no fear and pushed myself. My mum was a nervous wreck but we got through it . It is however a dangerous sport so doesn't come without risk but of course everything has an element of risk. If you want to be super careful get her the best hat and body protector you can afford !

Just another one coming along to say they really do bounce as children. I'm 29 now and a lot more careful and choosy what I get on because I am oh so aware that even at my age I don't bounce like I used to! I have a DD now (baby so too young) and will get her to ride. I already feel scared for the falls though, and until it's happened and you've both gotten over it so to speak, it will be tough x

My DD's never wear their body protectors and none of their friends do. I bought them expensive race safe ones that live in my car boot and never see air. I ask every time if they want them this has reminded me I shouldn't make it optional.

My DD is horse mad. She's 10. She's had group lessons for about a year, once every 2 weeks and can now steer, canter, trot without stirrups, probably loads of other stuff but I don't have a clue. I had to ask one of the yard girls what the bridle was called. DH grew up with horses so he knows everything but I know nothing!

DD had a fall recently, I started a thread in this section. She had a body protector on which is essential really once they pick up speed

I know how you feel. I'm a fish out of water at the stables!

Thanks, I’ve read all these.

Reflecting earlier I think maybe it’s the lockdowns that have unsettled me. They missed a lot, the horses missed a lot... together they aren’t where they were. DS was cantering , now there’s a lot more tree eating/ butt rubbing and the odd wander. It’s hit horses and kids in many ways all the missed time. It’s not smooth.

I’m unsettled now and its not so smooth, and the fall added to that. I think my friend tbh has also used mine quite a bit to ride horses before they go to weekend lessons, to settle them in- it knocks confidence though doing a few horses in a row when they’ve also missed time. One pony ds rode was eventually stopped from weekends.

My one gripe about the place this year is as they’ve struggled (significantly financially) some horses have really not been ridden much, and there has been turnover. They aren’t the school horses they were, it’s been long term. They are in the habit of eating grass and wandering/ picking their own order etc. Some my son has cantered confidently many times are REALLY hard to nudge into a trot. Even leading back to the yard can be difficult.

Maybe I need to try elsewhere again, for rebalancing what’s going on.

Dd only ever wears a body protector for XC - she doesn’t like the way it affects her position for flatwork or showjumping. She never gets on a horse without her hat though or proper footwear and I’d say gloves are a safety essential too. She fell off loads when she was younger but hasn’t (touch wood!) been even close to coming off for a few years now. She developed a very sticky bum and learned to engage her core - she’s definitely a better rider for having learned how to fall - and how not to!

I almost wish I'd fallen off more as a kid: other than my now-retired pony (he had a ligament injury), who chucked me off more than double all the other horses in my life put together, I've fallen off only 7 times in over 30 years of riding (and most of those were the horse falling over). Apparently, I'm really, really sticky-bummed! But it does mean that when I got said pony, I had to deal with a big loss of confidence when my identity of "the girl that doesn't fall off" got challenged in my 30s! I now have a neck disc issue, and my consultant physio said I'm fine to ride, but should really avoid falling off. So I intend to continue sticking like glue. I did come off my mare just a few weeks after the neck disc thing happened, when she slipped and fell over walking down a grassy slope...

I also didn't wear a body protector as a child, and hardly ever wear one now. Feels too rigid for schooling and hacking, and I'm not doing XC now anyway (I'm sure my mare would be game, but she is rather a klutz, and I am a chicken!).

When I did come off as a kid, the instructor was (as a PP) quite breezy and cheerful about it (while surreptitiously making sure I was ok), and we were certainly taught that our first duty was to make sure the horse was ok. This was deelpy engrained, and I remember reading my doctor's notes while I was sitting in A&E with a mild concussion (said pony...) that I was very insistent about asking about the horse. This seemed to puzzle the doctor, but I think it's completely normal for a horsey person, and I think it's a useful quality elsewhere in life to be taught that consideration and concern for the animal you are riding.

Falling off is an absolutely normal part of riding. Without meaning to trivialise it, I would just try and learn to laugh it off. A good hat and body protector- The more falls the better.

I would also recommend ShiteEventersUnite FB page - it’s full of funny falls and riders laughing at themselves.

If you aren’t falling off you aren’t challenging yourself enough 😊 though it is fine to have doubts about your set up and alter that if needed
Definitely easier as a kid, at 13 my new pony used to drop his shoulder and off I would go, often 3+ times a day, at heading towards sixty if i come off i feel it for days, but the thrill of eventing has yet to go ( though i have dropped down some levels) , the highs make up for the creaky days

When I was a kid, I used to throw myself off my pony for fun - I wanted to be a stunt rider, so it made sense at the time Learning to fall (and get back up) is hugely valuable, psychologically and physically.

At some point you're going to get lobbed off a horse - or down the stairs or another incident - and having the muscle memory to fall as well as possible is useful. The vast majority of falls aren't in any way serious and risk is an inevitable part of life - it's good to be able to assess and accept appropriate risks sensibly.

Haha take up gymnastics instead to avoid falls? Isn't that the whole point of gymnastics, fall continuously until you gain the muscle and flexibility necessary to not fall? They'd fall less riding horses!

I know it's hard to see, but you will get used to it. Kids bounce when they hit the floor, they very rarely actually get hurt and your kids despite your reactions aren't at all bothered when they fall off. That's exactly what you want. Get them good hats and replace if they hit their head. Chances are they won't wear a body protector, but you can try.

At some point they'll fall off. All you can do is to make sure they wear hat and back protector all the time. My main piece of advice is do not ever ever ever buy them their own pony. Worst mistake I ever made. I hate the bloody things. Can't wait til I don't have to have anything to do with them. If I had my time again there would be no bloody horses.

Falling off is inevitable and it's worth bearing in mind it can be fatal. A properly fitting hat is a minimum safety requirement.

Obviously fatal accidents are rare but they do happen. I'm aware of this as my dcs ride to a very high level. You do need to be aware that riding can be dangerous. Once you accept that and ensure they are insured, they have the best hat and body protecter there is then you just have to get on with it.