How can I help my 12 year old meet her riding goals?

[Ihavepixies]

Please be kind to me! I am trying to keep my 12 year old daughter happy and fulfill her ambition whilst being completley ignorant about horses and the horse world. She lucked out with mums!

Realistically she probably won't be a serious competitor as so many want to do it and not everybody has the talent (or the time and money??) But if she does some exams along the way and learns a lot of skills I think that is valuable in itself. She is keen on studying equine science at university although that may change. I don't want to discourage her from aiming high in her hobby. I'm just not sure how best to help. She has been horse mad since she was 2 with no assistance from me (I've probably been very unhelpful as I don't share her passion) and has been riding since she was 4.

The problem is she is doing semi private lessons but is frustrated that the other girls in the lesson are just there for fun, or have their own horse so are not bothered about making the most of the lesson but still dictate the lesson's agenda as it is two against one. For examole: she loves to jump, but the other girls are scared of jumping and even though her instructor knew she was competing at the weekend (a one off centre based competition) she was not allowed to practice jumping because the other girls said they didn't want to. They don't offer privates either. Would a private lesson now and again be the answer?

She is desperate to join the pony club but I simply do not have time to look after a horse although feasibly we could keep one on on some kind of livery in a few years when my younger children are older and if she was at the stage where I was very confident she was competant in caring for a horse (she can do basic grooming, tacking untacking etc). Are pony club centres any good for competing and practice without owning a horse? In the mean time what can I do to help her work towards her ambition? How does she even get to experience cross country without her own horse??

The current stable does not offer 1 to 1s, they are over booked and the groups are age banded and based on spaces free not on ability. Is this normal? Should she be looking for 1 to 1 or just a more advanced group? Does she need both? How many lessons a week does she need or is that very dependant on what she wants out of it? How many lessons if she was serious about competing? The instructors seem to vary hugely too and it seems you just get who you are given? How do I find an instructor that is experienced in competing/bhs trained etc, just googling? I don't know anyone who works with horses!

Also she wants to learn about stable management and get hands on with it outside of just the odd pony day, again how does she do this without her own horse? The current stable only uses relatives and qualified older teens as far as I can see.

Please alleviate my ignorance,
Thanks!

She came third in the competition in her age band even without the practice and only one 1/2 hour lesson a week so I think she did pretty well but she isn't happy and feels I'm not enabling her!

Wow well done to her in her competition, that's great! Maybe take a look at a recent thread on here called 'Daughter pony mad' or similar, that was from a mum of a younger DD just starting out but full of lots of useful information and success stories of pony mad kids from non horse families doing really well.

I think I would def try her at a different school, she doesn't have to totally stop at her current one but it sounds as though she would benefit from mixing it up a bit with some private lessons and/or group lessons with children more at her level, both in terms of skill but also ambition/drive to progress. A good teacher also shouldn't be letting one child or set of children dominate the lesson/agenda to the detriment of others so maybe she's outgrown either the teacher or that particular group at her current school? It can 100% be a thing that some riding school instructors, without deliberating holding the kids back in a mean way, are less confident and sure in themselves in teaching anything more than the basics (since 90% of the kids and even adults that ride at schools are beginners), and/or they lack the ponies of the quality to take the children further, so the kids can 'level out' a bit and they just keep them going round and round cantering to the back of the ride or hopping over tiny crosses when they could be doing much more if pushed... I would look for somewhere larger, maybe a regional BHS training/exam centre if you have one reasonably near? If she's serious about an equine career having her stage 1 and 2 would be a great starting point, you can take stage 1 at 13 I think, all exams done using the centre's horses so no need for your own. Quite pricey esp if you do the prep course as well as the exams but could be a worthwhile investments.

More on the fun side, larger schools often have Pony Club for kids without their own ponies too (same activities and rallies but using the school's ponies). Also, there are plenty of schools out there that still allow young 'helpers' - usually not much younger than 12/13 and often only fairly competent riders/handlers but she's getting to the right age and it's a brilliant grounding for them so this is also something I'd def look for in a new yard?

Looking at a share is a good idea also although realistically a good few years done the line, again some riding schools offer loans (this became especially a thing over lockdown) - not quite the same as a 'proper' loan of a privately owned horse as it's still the school's pony and used in lessons, and often they charge £££ for it (waay more than
a regular part-loan), but you do get extra riding time, riding independently outside lessons (another important skill to build) and to be involved in the care of the horse so again perhaps another good stepping stone for her?

Good luck and do ask more questions, we're a friendly bunch on this board (mainly!)

Sorry meant to say I would use the BHS search tool (link below) to find schools, then visit or enquire at a few within your radius, to find one that offers what you want (BHS training, pony club, helping on yard etc) and also gives you a good feel - although do be aware in my experience horsey people are often not the best at customer service (we prefer animals to people and can come across a bit brusque esp on the phone!) so you may need to actually sign her up for lessons to get a proper idea of what it's like - yards do get an awful lot of people calling up saying they or their little poppet is the most a-mazingly gifted rider ever, must be immediately put up on the finest animal in the place and sent around a course of 6ft jumps, then when said poppet appears for their lesson they cry because they're scared of the pony and can't remember how to do their rising trot so while I'd explain honestly on the phone that your DD has been riding X years, is confident in walk trot, canter and small jumps but needs to be pushed a bit more to go up a level - just don't be offended or worried if they don't absolutely take your word for it and put her on a steadier kickalong type for an initial assessment lesson and get her to run through the basics - a good school of the kind you want will take their time to get to know her as a rider and her ambitions and then gradually work towards them, ideally matching her with an instructor she clicks with and putting her up on their more 'advanced' schoolmaster ponies (who only stay willing and well trained because not every tom dick and harry is allowed to ride them ), this all takes a little bit of time so if you find somewhere that fits the bill do have a bit of patience...

www.bhs.org.uk/enjoy-riding/find-a-place-to-ride

Sorry I didn't answer all your questions and am now filling up your thread with multiple posts - your how many lessons question is a bit of a how long is a piece of string thing as obviously the more she rides the quicker she'll progress so the rate limiting factor will be your funds and ability to get her to stables. I would say an 'average' for a child without their own pony (based on what I see at my yard) would be one or two lessons a week (most do one usually with a second as a treat or if something special is coming up like an exam or competition), either private or group, doesn't really matter IMO, the quality of the teaching more important to me than the format, then if they are able to help at the stables at the weekend they usually get a free 'helpers' lesson or hack in exchange for their work. Then they'd do pony weeks/pony club/extra courses/camp in school holidays or whatever a few times a year. And if they loan they ride their loan pony 2-3 times a week as well. So I guess riding anywhere from 1-5 times a week is normal - if once a week is what you can afford right now that's absolutely fine, she is very lucky to get to ride at all as it's an expensive hobby. The ones riding more are usually a bit older and more able to get to yard under their own steam (taking the bus or push bike) and/or part-fund their riding themselves from paper rounds or Saturday jobs or similar...

Keep up the current lessons whilst looking and trying a few other centres. You want one that offers an active pony club for now. Then in the future she will want to do her BHS exams so ideally look for one than also does that.
You could look for a share/own horse but if she wants to have a horsey career that wouldn’t be the best route. She would get more opportunities at a large riding stable. Once she is older ( possibly 14) she should be able to help out and learn more about the horse are side of things alongside her paid for lessons.
Oh and yes she needs so,e private lessons.

The current school sounds naff tbh so I’d move.
Pony club centres do vary in what they offer but they will almost without fail offer them tests, which the higher level ones are akin to the BHS stages and she’d be ready to crack on with bronze tests etc straight away. The badges are great fun as well. I’d try and find a stable with one of them.

I don’t think your riding school sounds the best to be fair - I’d have a look at the PC website as it not only lists PCs that you join when you have your own pony but also stables that run PC competitions and do all the badges etc.

Well done to your dd! Loads of horse-mad children have to do without their own or wait until they’re more independent so she’s by no means alone. I’d agree with PP that the current riding school doesn’t sound great or if it’s working for your dd any more. My daughter moved from one riding school where she’d been for years to a bigger one with a wider range of ponies and horses. She had one group lesson, one private and one helpers’ ride a week - this was when she was 14-15. Going to pony weeks during the holidays was hugely beneficial too - for years she went to the junior riding holidays at Wellington in Hampshire (highly recommended) and every year apart from the last one, her riding improved dramatically in the space of a week (the last year she’d gone past the level where it was helpful). She got paid for working at the stables and used the money to pay for a share when she was old enough to be at the yard unsupervised. When she got her loan horse she joined Pony Club and stared taking her tests - the higher levels are great as they are way cheaper than the BHS equivalent (she’s doing her AH this summer and will then be able to go straight onto BHS stage 4) but trickier to do without your own horse.

Find out where your local Pony Club Centre is pcuk.org/find-a-club/ and also check out the BHS link maxelly posted - good luck!

I agree with other that finding a Pony Club centre could be a good way forward, and pony club tests will definitely help her if she does decide she wants a career with horses.

I do also think there will unfortunately be limits to what she can achieve just through riding schools.

Obviously you've got other children, so it's difficult, but if you would be willing to help her access a share pony, she might get a lot out of it.