Livery yard CF?

[ThatchersCold]

Ok so I’m new to livery yard life as I’ve always been lucky enough to have horses/ponies kept at family property for free up until recently.

I really like the yard I’m at and the people are lovely. There’s not much storage space, everyone has a small area in front of their stable to keep things. So all my kit lives there, including my wheelbarrow/mucking out tools.

There’s a girl (16) who has the stable next to mine and she doesn’t have much in the way of mucking out stuff, and I had a suspicion she’d been using mine. Today that was proven when she arrived at the same time of me, and we walked up together to muck out our stables, and she instinctively went to pick up my fork (which I keep tucked between my storage box and the wall so it’s a bit of an effort to pick up).

Now...I don’t know if I’m unreasonable in feeling a bit miffed about this. On one hand I think meh it’s only mucking out tools, does it really matter? And on the other hand I think get your own you cheeky cow!

For context she’s not got a lot of money (recently moved in with her bf, had a difficult home life), so buying her own stuff is not that straightforward perhaps.

There’s nowhere else I can keep my stuff and don’t really want to have to take shitty tools in the car with me so I guess I just have to suck it up don’t I?

Yep, sadly that's par for the course for DIY yards.
I didn't used to mind too much, it's when things get broken and nobody fesses up that it becomes intolerable.

Thanks @NiceTwin, yeah I figured as much. I’m hoping she stops at the fairly robust mucking out stuff, luckily our horses are different sizes so there’s only so much she can borrow!

If you say something, she may well move on to using someone else's. So if it really bothers you, I would have a word.

I have to say at my yard everyone has their own stuff, but in this scenario I would happily share with someone BUT I would also be clear about any equipment I didn't want to share.

I mean she's 16, I wouldn't call her a CF, more likely just unaware of the etiquette and/or thoughtlessly inconsiderate... I have a vivid memory of being given a right bollocking by the old-school owner of the yard where I kept my ponies as a kid for similar behaviour (I think in my case it was 'borrowing' a whip that was lying around that I knew full well wasn't mine, I didn't mean to 'steal' it but all I was thinking was that I needed a whip, had forgotten or lost mine and here was one I could use), did me the world of good and I never did it again but sadly most YOs these days are (probably rightly!) not that keen on 'disciplining' the kids the way we used to be. Teenagers can def be selfish/ head in the clouds types even without the excuse of lacking money or whatever, so they do often need to be kindly but firmly set back on the right path from time to time. I wouldn't blow her head off but I would have a firm word with her about 'borrowing' things which aren't hers without asking first - what did you say when she went to get the fork, I'd have said something there and then to get the awkward moment over with ...

That being said on most yards I've been on, anything which isn't nailed to the ground or locked away is seen as fair game so it may not just be her that's 'borrowing' - I've bought so many whips, brushes, hoof picks, headcollars that have vanished at my yard I sometimes think I must be the unofficial tack shop of the place, trying to keep your stuff yours is like trying to hold onto water! TBH since very few yards have enough storage for everyone to lock away their personal mucking out kit, I much prefer a system where larger items like forks, barrows etc are officially communal (smaller things like grooming kit etc are easier to either have lockers for or bring and take away with you each time), otherwise you just end up with some people providing everything which others then 'borrow' and sometimes break or lose, resentment all round. I guess it's unfortunate but I think if you are stuck with your yard the way it is, you are going to need to let go of any strong emotional attachment you feel to your shitty fork and barrow and budget to replace far more frequently than if just you were using them, as an inherent cost of being on that yard (doesn't mean you can't bollock anyone caught in the act of thievery of course!)

The not even asking would really irritate me. At my most polite I would have said 'You can take it just for 5 mins....I'll need it then'. I have no problem sharing when asked.

Can you marker your name on any wooden handle?
I would be cross too if ppl didn't return to where found & left clean.....or when things disappear or are left broken. If that happened, I would be def having a word woth owner/manager about etiquette..

I agree with PP. speak to the owner and get them to lay down the yard rules for everyone, especially concerning use of someone else's property.

Stable yards are one of the bitchiest places I've ever been part of and if you're not careful, reminding a fellow horse owner that things they're taking are your property can escalate into rows or bitching and nastiness.

There's enough secondhand kit about to pick up tools for a tenner. I'd keep an eye on FB market place and buy her her own set. She can pay you back by helping you out the day you can't get to the yard on time/you want a lie in etc.

For now, I think you need to say to her look I don't mind you borrowing this (specific items)until you get your own but you must look after them and realise if I need to use it at same time you'll need to manage or ask someone else.
If she's been putting it back clean and tidily then I think I'd leave it at that tbh, the things are only sitting there waiting for someone to use them. She might be handy to have on side when she's got time during school hols etc if you need an extra pair of hands so that but of kindness might be well rewarded.

I must be going soft. Normally I'd be advocating chaining stuff up!

When she and I reached for the fork at the same time she looked really sheepish and said “oops sorry” and picked her shavings fork up (they’re not on shavings), and I said “oi get off my fork cheeky” or something along those lines, but in a kind of jokey way.

I think I will write my name on the handles of my things, good idea. I was away for a few days a couple of weeks ago so paid for full livery on those days...the girl next to me obviously didn’t know when I was coming back as when I got there my mucking out tools were neatly stored with her stuff.

She’s mostly sweet and I do feel sorry for her so won’t make a big thing out of it. I guess factoring the cost of replacing things twice as often is a good way of looking at it - it’s dirt cheap at the yard (£120 a month including unlimited hay and straw).

Sounds good OP, I mean try writing your name on your stuff and talking to the yard manager if you like, it can't hurt, I've never found it to make a blind bit of difference personally , the light fingered will not be off put by the labels any most YOs have far more pressing concerns than the whereabouts of your shavings fork and always seem to be wary of interfering in interpersonal politics too (probably had their fingers burnt previously!)

Can you not come at it from a Covid approach?

Posted too soon I mean say you don't feel happy about her using your stuff without hand washing etc?

It's probably best to break her habit as a real CF will say "oh your here I'm nearly done" then let you stand like an idiot waiting 40 minutes for your tools back when you can do all your jobs in that time.

100% agree with @Ariela - buy her a fork. It sounds like she's had a tough time so a little kindness, alongside a conversation that 'borrowing without asking' is not cool, could make a big difference to her life.

At 16 she might be cash poor but time rich, if you have had to pay for full livery whilst you are away maybe you could offer her some little jobs to help you out in return for some cash.

Make sure you are happy she is reliable and competent before leaving her with sole care. My sisters did this at the same age but more so they could afford distal for the lorry to go out showing/jumping etc and extra classes when they got there.

The fact that you know her whole sad life story tells me that she’s trying to make you feel sorry for you for a reason. Tell her to get her own shit.

I know people borrow my stuff but if it is something easily broken I or mixed up with other peoples stuff I wouldn’t leave it, I am absolutely clear that I’m when I turn up in a rush in the morning I am not sharing my stuff

@Justilou1

The fact that you know her whole sad life story tells me that she’s trying to make you feel sorry for you for a reason. Tell her to get her own shit.

Wow. You really understand the concept of empathy, don't you? Does your kind heartedness extend to your own animals?