Riding with a baby

[BellaBoo7]

So I am currently TTC and keep having massive panics about how I will find the time to ride with a baby. It keeps making me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I currently ride 4/5 times a week mainly hacking and was just wondering what time you all mange to find to ride since having a baby? Currently my pony is my baby and I worry he will miss out on time and attention.

Thank you for any advice

I managed to ride just as much. As soon as dh was home from work, he would have baby and I would go and ride

It was as the children got older it got more difficult as they were doing after school activities.
Now they are teens and horse is at home, I have upped my riding again.

@NiceTwin Oh no I thought it would be better as they got older! It's just so hard as he really is treated like my baby now and I don't want him to loose out because of a decision I make. I guess Summer I could ride on an evening but Winter would be a no go really for me except for weekends as my yard doesn't have an indoor just a field to ride in. Were you on DIY Livery when you had your first?

I was on part livery with my first, so she was mucked out.
With the second, it was DIY and was a nightmare. Again, okay when dd was v little as she'd fall asleep on the way and I'd park the car in the yard whilst I did my jobs.
As she got older it got more difficult as she wasn't happy to stay in her pram.

I am DIY as well :( 6 months in 6 months out!

My friend got a sharer for hers when she had a baby but finding someone decent and reliable (horse was safe but not for a novice so wouldn’t have suited someone bridiging that gap between RS and first horse) took her nearly a year!

But my advice would be to move onto somewhere with a part livery package and look for a decent sharer. They are out there but I’d personally insist on over 18s and no one straight from a riding school for my piece of mind, and prepare to be willing to be (very) firm with the inevitable tidal wave of absolute weirdos who will enquire.

@lastqueenofscotland it would be the best option but I just don’t trust anyone with him :( only I rode him currently as I’d be gutted if anyone hurt him x

I was super fussy looking for my sharer and I’ve got a lovely rider, woman in her early 30s with heaps of experience and owned horses her whole life just not quite the time to commit to owning at the moment. She is a beautiful rider (other people on the yard now pay her to ride theirs!) and she does all the jobs to a lovely standard too. I did have to tell a lot of 14 year olds/nervous old ladies etc to sod off to find her but she’s a joy.
Be fussy and you’ll find one!

You’re going to need help op, even if only with exercising the horse. How far do you live from him? If it’s just a 5-10 minute drive then you may be able to keep up with basic care with the help of your oh, if it’s further then I’d look into livery/sharing him. Even if the pregnancy and birth goes well, chances are there’ll be a period of a few months where you won’t be able to ride. I developed terrible spd and couldn’t ride from I was 13 weeks pregnant until 2 months post partum due to 3rd degree tearing. You’ll definitely need a back up plan in case you need a caesarean. You may find your priorities change after birth and you may not even want to ride as much. As it is you’re not even ttc yet so you’ve got plenty of time to start researching reputable liveries/sharers

@lastqueenofscotland it sound like you found the perfect person :)

@Insomnia5 yes he is currently just over a mile away from me so not far which is lucky. I could also possibly pay someone on the yard to do jobs it’s just extra costs to cover thought isn’t it! In a perfect world I’d have my life as it is now just with the addition of a little person but it sounds like it’s never going to be close to that. Seriously considering stopping TTC now :(

I know plenty of people that make babies and horses work as a combo including working with horses professionally and competing at a high level, but they do tend to have lots of family support/a very supportive partner, and/or lots of cash to smooth the path (either buying in lots of help with horse or lots of childcare, or both!). I think you probably need 2 separate plans, 1 is what are you going to do with DHorse for the last few months of pregnancy/first few months postpartum where realistically having horse on DIY without any help is not going to work and you are unlikely to be physically able to ride much/at all, and 2 is your longer term plan, as others have said there's a sweet spot for a few months where baby can safely be left asleep in a sling/pram/car while you do jobs and even ride (although do make sure there's someone else around in case of accident or emergency), but that tends to go totally out of the window once they're mobile - 'loose' toddlers/preschoolers and horses are not a good or safe combination, accidents can so easily and quickly happen and whilst there can be nice times getting the little one to pat the pony and 'groom'/'help', the majority of the time you just need to get your jobs done and horse taken care of quickly and safely, and trying to wrangle your bored/ninja tot and stop them sprinting off into the muck heap or behind the back legs of a fellow livery's bad tempered demon horse whilst also trying to muck out/poo pick/fill nets is just not much fun!

If you really don't want to move yards (and I do think having part/full livery available is really really helpful) you'll probably need as a minimum a good freelance groom to do some of the jobs for you. Horse could probably take a 6 month break from being ridden without much bother over the spring/summer (if that's when baby arrives) so long as he can be out 24/7, but after that you may find you need someone else to ride/exercise him as I'd be surprised if you were able to manage riding more than a few times a week (unless see above you have a partner that can take baby every evening, family that will babysit every night or a nanny!), many new mums find even that a struggle to find the time/energy - nothing to do with not loving their horse, just that having a tiny baby or even a toddler really saps you physically and mentally...

If it was me I'd start looking for a sharer now, there are good people out there but it might take a while to find the right person but it will be good for your horse to get used to being ridden by others and you don't want to leave it to the last minute and have to take just anyone?

@maxelly thank you for all of the info.

I have spoken to a friend on the yard this morning who is happy to muck out and ride him a bit if I wanted her to and I do know a couple of freelance grooms too :)

Riding wise I’m sure he’d be fine with a couple of times a week in the future it’s more I’m not sure I would be lol. He’s a 14.1 cob so not a big competition horse or anything. Realistically the yard I’m on he could live out during the winter too it’s just in a different field and I’ve always liked having him in for ease.

In terms of support we live within 3 miles of at least 5 sets of babysitters.

It’s all the fear of the unknown and the fact that I committed to the pony first as silly as that sounds x

I let a teenager go out on mine when DS1 was little,. The pony was very bolshy but she was a real no nonsense type and very brave, it was like having him schooled for free! DS used to go with her on his rather badly behaved horse, who also learned a few good habits along the way. I did always get m boy groomed and tacked up for her, but I enjoed doing that. it was a very positive experience in all.

Every baby is so different and every woman's health is so different. Some find it easy to go to the gym, others don't. I think only you can answer this.

If you're not working when baby is at nursery etc, that's definitely riding time.

@ExConstance and @betterfantasia how did you find the mucking out etc as well? How long do you think you had off from riding and jobs?

I work for myself so I guess that helps a bit too in being able to be more flexible about when I can go down

Don't stop TTC.

You'll work it all out. He's close, so next to no travelling time, a presumably supportive OH (or do stop TTC!), riding friends, grooms & lots of babysitters!

Lots of options for childcare as the child(ren) grow with after school clubs etc

In your situation, with a positive attitude im sure it'll all work out.

@AmelieTaylor thank you for that. I know I must sound completely mad I just don’t want my original babies to suffer for a new one (cats but they’d be fine and the pony). Yes OH has said he’d take over from getting in and I could go off to the yard that just wouldn’t help with riding in the winter 😢. Tbh he prob wouldn’t mind if he was ridden less it’s just my worries.

I don't think you can answer this until baby turns up and you see what kind of baby they are. I've been at my kids stables with (not my!) babies in slings and others at the other end of the spectrum who have to give up their horses.

Toddlers and yards are an accident waiting to happen based on my kids but not all.

It’s usually quite inevitable that things will change, I agree with the support you have being key to how much free time you might have. Also, you will be more tired most likely which is a significant factor. I have kept my horse through pregnancy and babyhood and how have a 5 year old and an extra pony! It is lovely but hard work keeping a mobile kid safe at the yard. All you can do is have a go really you won’t be able to predict the future but if you really want to make it work it is usually possible. Depends on the horse too, my horse was quite young when I had baby and at first I used to get him ridden etc before I rode if I had a break and how he has 3 weeks off and then I hack him out as it is really regular to not have time to ride, especially when schools close in lock down!! For me having a horse who is easy to pick up and put down and can be a hack or an all round competitor depending on the time I have has helped massively. One thing that I always think is an accident waiting to happen is a horse that can be grumpy/ unpredictable/ hard to lead etc and kids, also people are less likely to want to bring in etc for you. So maybe that might help you weigh it up. Ultimately if you want kids I don’t think horses would stop you, I haven’t loaned mine out much, only for one summer, so although that is a good solution if you don’t want to it’s fine. Good trainers and someone to pay to ride are good alternatives although it took me a bit of time to accept that paying someone to ride who is capable of improving and schooling is worth it. Best of luck, I was worried too but it has worked out fine and it’s lovely sharing horses with my daughter

It's hard but if you have a willing DH/flexible babysitters you can fit in some riding. Someone to share/a loan for a while would make life a lot easier, especially during the winter.

It's more doable when you have one DC. I found the second (and third) made it much tougher to find the time. Mine are on our own farm but it's a five minute drive from where we live so everyone had to be loaded into the car etc. It sounds daft but some days I was so grateful that my in-laws could feed them for me as getting there with three small DC around whatever else was going on wasn't always easy, and I often needed a hand with the children whilst sorting out the horses. No way would I have been able to look after a stabled horse twice a day and do everything else.

My horse developed sarcoids and couldn't be ridden when my eldest was still young so it was just a case of looking after her and a companion pony. In all honesty, riding once a week was all I managed before that though, but my DH could rarely be home at a time to allow me to get out and ride so our circumstances differ.

Now our children are older (9-13) , we have three ponies and they enjoy riding, one does pony club. I exercise one of them, a 13.2hh Welsh pony, during term time and that is all I have time for but keeps me happy for now.

People I know who have carried on almost uninterrupted only have 1 DC and take grandparent/nanny everywhere. If only!

Things will change a bit but if you organise help you should be able to keep going to some degree.

Aw there are some hopeful messages thank you 😊

He is a 14.1 cob he definitely has his own mind but I’m sure I could pick up and drop riding off of needed he may just be a bit more stubborn but not nasty or dangerous. Leading wise anyone would bring him in for me as he has a cheeky face and wins ten everyone over. It’s a yard where we all hep each other out with holiday cover and sickness etc

Sounds doable @BellaBoo7 and much as any horse can cause a commotion it absolutely helps to have one that doesn’t make a habit of it. I agree @littlemisslozza one child does make things easier, mine is very horsey also. It wasn’t planned that way but it has turned out like that and we are happy with it, probably easier than having another non horsey child - that would be tricky. Also agree @littlemisslozza that there are people who carry on regardless and if you scratch below the surface there is someone, often their own mother, who has always supported them and continues to. That is great and I hope I don’t sound bitter but I used to compare myself against them in early babyhood and wonder why I didn’t manage to be at competitions etc. Now I see things differently. 5 years on I would not have been able to predict we would end up buying a field, there wouldn’t be much point for 1 but with 3 on the horizon when elderly pony is outgrown and the need to find a yard safe for my daughter and set it up to reduce workload of yard routine - lots more living out- that is where we are now. So things will change but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Best of luck xx

It's always going to be a risk, OP as so much depends on your baby. I had a high needs baby- even when tiny she would not stop crying anywhere but on me. No pram or car seat would quiet her, no other person would do (not even DH), it was just constant screaming unless she was on me for the first eight months or so. I had no time for the poor cat, even. Nightmare.

My second is a more normal baby, who can sleep in a cot, a pram and a carseat and be babysat by someone else and looked after by his dad. Totally different ball game.

Contingency plans are definitely the name of the game.

Thank you all. I am defiantly feeling more optimistic now. Had an emergency vet situation this week too (he seems fine now) but it just highlighted to me that I don’t want to move him any further away.