Advice needed please

[ncailleach]

Dd is 17 and had ridden for many years with her dad, my exh, who keeps horses. In the spring they sold her lovely pony as was too small for her to compete on in affiliated competition and bought a 5 year old 15.3 horse to bring on together. I was very uncomfortable with this idea as she is still in school and in the 1st year of a levels and her dad is notoriously unreliable. Anyway I was ignored and the horse bought. Fast forward to now, she has fallen out with her dad over the horse. I and dp managed to organise a yard for a couple of months to get her away from the toxic situation at her dad's and try and get a handle on the issues. That is now coming to an end and I'm not sure how to move forward. Things with her dad aren't great and he has no interest in paying for anything.. I have mediation set up for next week in an attempt to sort that out. She is bringing her horse home as we do have a spare stable and my 14.2 pony is very easy-going and a bit lonely. However I am very aware that a 15.3, 5 year old is a very different proposition to an easy-going older pony and I do not have a competitive bone in my body. Dd does not have a riding trainer as this was 1 of the things she and her dad fell out over. The yard owner where she has been says that she definitely needs regular training and the horse is a handful for dd. Also dd is 5ft nothing and to be honest I am concerned that the horse is just too big for her, too young and needs far too much time and money than a 17 year old who is hoping to move to college in 18 months time, can afford to give. She regrets selling her last pony but we are struggling to come up with a workable plan for moving forward successfully with this one. We will need to sell him on sometime in the next 2 years but I really need a plan for now. We are in full lockdown here. Anyone experienced anything similar? Dd has a meltdown if we talk about selling him immediately. I am trying to not completely lose it with her dad as this is exactly what I said would happen!! She bought the horse with her own money. Thanks for reading this far! 🙂

Well at her height a 15.3 sounds about right but maybe it is not the right 15.3. First off I would find a local trainer and after a few sessions ask their opinion. No one can ride without lessons without running into trouble unless they are riding a reliable older horse and just pottering about.
What facilities do you have at home, arena, decent hacking?

Get a local instructor who can give you or her weekly lessons with the horse and also ride it. Not easy to find but if you can get a very experienced part loaner world that be an option?
Is your daughter likely to be off to uni in 9 or 17 months?

Just to add although you will know this but all horse people need reminding it's a tough time of year. Another 5 or 6 weeks and it will be light til 6ish and more options will open up.

If money isnt an issue would schooling livery or full livery with riding be an option?

Tough one, sympathies Op, sounds stressful. Arena hires and private lessons are still allowed in tier 4 so getting some professional help ASAP is a good first step. Little harm will come to him if he has a few weeks off work providing he has plenty of turnout so don't put pressure on yourself/her to do too much with him right away, I suspect what with lockdown and the cold, wet dark time of year there are a lot of horses/ponies around the country having a quiet few weeks! If you do need to get some exercise in there's a lot you can do from the ground, lunging, de sensitising, long reining etc, all of which can be good to build confidence in both horse and rider providing you go about it the right way.

Longer term if you and DD are not really feeling he's for you, would it be sensible to look to sell him sooner rather than later? Sales livery is pricey but if he's a marketable type it would save you a lot of time and worry and a good sales livery will probably find him a new home quite quickly. The money can then be used to get something more suitable for your DD or maybe just on fun stuff like lessons or riding holidays without the pressure of owning her own, and that would save you the worry of what to do with pony when she goes off to uni.

If it was me I think I'd let them have a few months doing things at their own pace and review the situation in the spring, that will be a good time to sell if you do want to or otherwise throw some resources at really getting them going as a partnership?

Thank you for your replies! I am feeling a bit calmer this evening and dps brother has offered to come this week with his digger and revitalise our small worn-out arena so she will have somewhere for schooling/turnout (her brothers driving practice hasn't done it any favours !! ). We are very lucky to have a stable by our house so we can keep an eye on her. @maxelly I think my gut feeling is to leave them at it and see how it goes, at least for the moment, so thank you for the reassurance. He is a beautiful horse and dd is mad about him. Her passion is showjumping and we live very rurally so not had much luck finding a trainer that suits but, fingers crossed, now I'm on the case instead of her dad we might have more luck. @Stantons.. Unfortunately money is a bit tight for us at this time of year and covid is not helping, but there is a lovely arena a mile away that she has permission to use once the evenings are bright enough and she has enough confidence for the ride down there on him, so we'll definitely have more options once we are out of the worst of the winter. We also have a small bit of off road hacking so as long as he behaves and settles down with my mare we should be OK.. Thank you all for the advice and reassurance