Talk me through owning a pony

[hardknocklife123]

I'm not horsey at all but my daughter is absolutely obsessed. She has weekly riding lessons but she is desperate for a pony of her own. She's 12. Is she likely to grow out of this I wonder?

How much time and money do you have?

It’s fucking hard work. Twice a day at the stables, every day. All year round. Christmas day, birthdays, school days, every day.

Much of it depends on how much money you have. If you can afford expensive livery with an indoor school, staff who can step in when you’re on holiday or can’t get there, or part livery where your mornings are done, tack is cleaned etc to take much of the weight off, then it can be a lovely hobby. If it’s just you and no indoor facilities then it’s day in, day out grind, and with school it’s too dark to ride in the evening, so you are riding at weekends only.

I love horses, and grew up with my own, but always said I’d never get back into it unless I could afford top class livery or a smallholding where I could have them on site, and either employ a groom or work myself full time. The work:fun balance just isn’t enough.

Other solutions are a shared loan so you can divide the work, or volunteering at stables in school holidays/weekends.

First and foremost it is expensive as fuck!
Personally I’d look into sharing first, see if she’s still keen after mucking out, getting stuck in muddy fields bringing them in, hauling rugs/hay/bags of feed around. Especially if your aren’t horsey, there are lots of unscrupulous sellers out there, unfortunately even of children’s ponies and I think both getting more experience is vital.

Personally I had a few years out of owning until I could afford full livery (where everything is done for you) as the 6am starts even on winter Sundays just got a bit much

I grew out of it when my DM pointed out the early morning starts in the winter, that I liked my bed, that I was v interested in doing well in my GCSEs and most jobs with horses were badly paid.

Riding lessons and horsey holidays suited me much better.

I still ask my DH if I can have a pony each week though

Like with many hobbies (music, dance, sport etc), some children do totally lose interest when they get older, some stop for a while over the teenage/uni years when there is a lot else going on for them (not necessarily the old chestnut of 'she won't care about ponies any more once she discovers boys' but teenagers do have a lot on their plates these days what with exams, saturday jobs, other hobbies and voluntary work/work experience, learning to drive, uni applications and yes, having a social life), some come back to it as adults, for some it remains an abiding passion and pleasure throughout their lives. You know your DD best but even so you are probably guessing which she'll be at this stage.

As blueblue says, owning your own pony is really, really expensive. Take how much you think you'll spend and double it. Plus it is a huge time commitment for you and your DD, a teenager cannot be expected to take responsibility for a large, dangerous, needy animal so no matter how un-horsey you are it will be your responsibility at the end of the day, there are ways to manage this such as using full livery where staff do all the care of the horse, but even then you can fully expect to do a lot of ferrying around, supervision (most yards don't allow un-accompanied children until at least the mid teens), receiving stressful calls and messages ("DPony is hopping lame do you want us to call the vet?", "Vet's been it was just a stone in his foot ", "Vet's bill has arrived it was ££££ when will you pay", "DPony bucked Staff Member off when being exercised this morning should we have the vet back?" are just a selection of ones I've received this week) as well as writing the cheques. I'm not trying to put you off here, I love my ponies very dearly and they are a total joy, ownership is very rewarding, but I am an adult, it's my own money and time I'm spending, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect that from a non horsey parent.

All horsey girls dream of having their own ponies, and I know you probably feel you'd do anything to make her happy, but I would honestly think hard about whether it is truly practical in money and time terms at this stage. It may be that it's a dream she needs to fulfil for herself as an adult - it's a good motivating factor to do well in school and get a good job anyway . Lots and lots of horse mad teens don't get their own ponies and it doesn't traumatise them for life or put them off or anything, and it certainly doesn't mean they can't enjoy riding as a hobby in the meantime. For a fraction of the cost and commitment of horse ownership, can she do lots of being a yard helper, own-a-pony/pony club days, clinics, mini competitions, maybe explore a part-loan or share (some riding schools do these with the school ponies which is a really nice way to ease in as a non-horsey parent as a lot of the care and supervision is then included in the price)? If her riding school doesn't do these can you look at occasionally taking her to a bigger school which does?

Happy to answer any questions and post approximate costs if that would help you?

Also, as LastQueen says, what a 12 year old dreams having her own pony based on a weekly half hour lesson will be like, and the reality of cold trudges along ice-y roads to get to mud-bath fields, filthy sopping wet pony grumpy about being dragged away from his mates (mine does neigh when she sees me just like in the movies, but sadly it's more a 'aha, here comes my dinner' noise than the loving call of a loyal steed a la Black Beauty ), riding in the dark in a semi-flooded arena after a long day at work/school, dragging heavy hay nets and water buckets around in the rain, shovelling unimaginable quantities of shit (how does one small pony produce so much?!) etc etc may not match up! Can you tell I'm a bit lacking in motivation myself this week .

Definitely a good idea to see/try out the worst side of horse ownership before investing several thousand pounds on your own!

It’s hard hard work. Even on diy the costs can add up. It’s all encompassing I find... a lifestyle rather than a hobby.

Go out into your garden when it's dark freezing cold and pouring rain. Dig a big hole and drop £50 in. Hang around the hole for half an hour or so until you can no longer feel your feet. Repeat every day for a month and see if you still want one.

We lost our dhorse last year and DH and dd are desperate to get another. I am less enthusiastic.

Don't do it. Lots of young girls (and boys) love horses and have a weekly 30 minute ride and everyone thinks that's what they're buying into. It isn't.

As all PPs have said it is fucking expensive and hard work. It's all been said already but the reality is twice a day, every day, Christmas, birthdays, when you're not feeling well etc. And it's 90% shovelling shit and 10% riding, if you're lucky. Horses are surprisingly delicate creatures for their size, they are intent on injuring themselves and like to see a vet regularly!! This does not come cheap.

Lots of riding schools do part shares of ponies. Try this first, for a few years. It's more realistic although the owner is actually still taking the risk and stress of being responsible and your daughter will be getting the fun stuff.

She is very likely to grow out of ponies when she realises boys (or girls) exist. If she doesn't grow out of them then she can save her pennies and buy her own when she's old enough.

Believe me, you do not want to go down this route and I've had horses for 40 years!!

Dd finally got her own horse at 15 after begging us for one ever since she was tiny. Until she was old enough to be at the yard unsupervised and travelling independently, I just couldn’t make the logistics work, balancing my job, other children, dogs etc

Our compromise until then was to facilitate as much horsey time as we could. She had two lessons a week, non-residential pony weeks at the riding school when she was littler and from the age of 10 she had regular riding holidays at Wellington (highly recommended). When she was 12 she was old enough to volunteer at the stables every Saturday, learning how to muck out, tack up and helping with lead rein lessons. It was full days, all year round and all she got out of it was experience!

After a couple of years she moved to a bigger riding school with a larger selection of horses and ponies and carried on spending every Saturday and much of the holidays working (this time getting paid as well as a free lesson). She started competing for the riding school until they set up an eye-wateringly expensive share scheme and competition opportunities were reserved for the sharers. We considered sharing there but it would have cost more than having a horse on full livery which seemed a bit excessive and managed to find a share horse at a stable she could get to on public transport. She was 15 by then so old enough to be at the yard on her own if need be. We ended up loaning and then buying her share horse and he is lovely although unbelievably expensive...

All the years of riding different horses and working meant that by the time she got her own she was well aware of the time commitment (although I admit we hadn’t realised quite how much money we’d end up spending). Depending on whereabouts you are, there may not be that much difference in costs between DIY and paying a groom for help at one end of the day and full/part livery by the time you factor in the costs of assistance, hay, feed, bedding and of course the time it takes to do all the chores.

The cost of buying the pony pales into insignificance compared to the annual running costs - and ponies can live into their 30s. It’s not just livery costs, you also have to factor in insurance, vet bills (even with insurance, you’ll still have to pay an excess plus routine stuff like vaccinations aren’t covered), farrier every six weeks, dentist, physio, competition entries, cost of transport to get there (either hiring or buying your own), competition gear, riding gear, tack, rugs etc etc etc - it all mounts up...

I don’t regret getting dhorse at all especially as he’s helped dd through some very tough times with her mental health but there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s a huge responsibility so not something to be gone into lightly

I echo what previous posters have said. It is a huge commitment, both financially and time wise. A lifestyle rather than a hobby unless money is no object and you can keep it on full livery.
I would look into a part loan a couple of days a week so she can get a taste of what owning involves, without such a huge commitment.

If you are not horsey yourself then just don't do it. She will very likely grow out of it anyway round about age 16 - not all girls do but I've seen it time and time again. If she is still desperate for a pony/horse when she's earning her own money then she can buy her own!

They are a money pit. They are hard work. They are a massive commitment unless you are well off enough to afford full livery. And, to speak frankly, if you don't know anything about horses you are likely to find yourself out of your depth pretty quickly and it is the pony who will suffer. They are not "pets" - they are complex animals who need regular worming, farrier visits, saddle checks, back checks, dentist visits - and the cost is eye-watering.

Someone else said it's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle choice and I do agree. I am up at 6am every single day, winter and summer, rain or shine, to see to my ponies. Holidays? Only if I can arrange reliable cover. Lie-in? 7am is a lie-in for me!

But it's my life so I bloody love it But you have to love it, and you have to have deep pockets. In your shoes I really wouldn't.

If you've never owner before, always, always loan first

The realities of horse ownership are harsh and expensive and it's a huge commitment to a new lifestyle rather than a hobby you can do a few times a week

It is everyday, twice sometimes more. Every single day including Christmas
Holidays, days out etc need pre planning and the horse taken care of

Part loan and get experience of ownership before committing to your own

If you're not into horses it will be tough. DD started riding at 2 and got her own at 12 that she had saved and paid for. We paid all the livery, vets bills, insurance, vaccinations, wormers, shoes every 5 weeks, dentist twice per year, saddle checks, back person, Tack, riding gear etc. Bought a trailer for going out competing. She never gave up and is now 27 still with the one she bought at 12 that she also took to Uni with her. We live offshore so also involved lots of moving horse to and from the Uni - on full livery at over £1k per month for one year. She's now got another one and is as engaged as ever - but pays the bills! Just go into it with your eyes open and be fully aware of what is involved - if it sustains injury you still have to pay the bills and it can't be ridden. In your shoes I would encourage her to wait.

Just to add to my earlier post (sorry haven't had time to read subsequent ones so has maybe already been said) if you do buy a pony (and please please don't, loan or share first) but be aware that most ponies are not like riding school ponies. I'm generalising here so they're not all like this but...riding school ponies know their job and have been carefully chosen for their temperament. When buying a pony/horse many children and adults become over horsed with an unsuitable animal that is just too much for them. Horses are flight animals and when scared can be quite intimidating due to their size and strength. Don't put yourself or your daughter in danger by buying a pony that is unsuitable for a novice. Talk to the owner of the riding school and take someone knowledgeable with you at all times when trying a pony to buy or loan.

I forgot the cost of lessons - lots of parents think that their children no longer need lessons once they have their own pony ... at our yard there are lots of 12-13 year olds who bomb around the arena massively over jumping their ponies and are generally an accident (or large vets bill) waiting to happen ...

People on MN hate you getting a pony unless you're already in the club, it's very strange and oddly aggressive.

I suggest you speak to the riding school and ask them about full livery costs (if you're completely novice I don't suggest you take responsibility yourself at this stage) and perhaps they will allow you to take a pony of theirs on part or full loan. I would insist your DD rides every day she can, giving the pony a rest day of course, and does all the grooming and mucking out after her lesson (she doesn't need to know this is included in full livery). Make sure she cleans her tack, does her stable management theory and spends her pocket money on things for the pony. If she does all this and only grows keener, you may need to look at the next stage. Your yard manager/riding instructor should guide you.

@GingerFigs

Just to add to my earlier post (sorry haven't had time to read subsequent ones so has maybe already been said) if you do buy a pony (and please please don't, loan or share first) but be aware that most ponies are not like riding school ponies. I'm generalising here so they're not all like this but...riding school ponies know their job and have been carefully chosen for their temperament. When buying a pony/horse many children and adults become over horsed with an unsuitable animal that is just too much for them. Horses are flight animals and when scared can be quite intimidating due to their size and strength. Don't put yourself or your daughter in danger by buying a pony that is unsuitable for a novice. Talk to the owner of the riding school and take someone knowledgeable with you at all times when trying a pony to buy or loan.

YY GingerFigs (sorry OP if you feel this thread is just loads of people piling on and telling you all the bad things that can happen, it's not meant to be totally negative but this is important for people to know). It's so so common for non horsey parents to accidentally buy an unsuitable pony for their DC, not even when they are deliberately trying to get a bargain or come across a dodgy dealer or unscrupulous seller (of which there are unfortunately a lot particularly since prices shot up over lockdown) or whatever. I've seen it happen loads purely through misunderstandings, one of my ponies I actually took off the hands of a friend on the yard who'd picked her up cheap as a suitable child's pony, she's anything but! Couple of reasons for this IMO:

1. The DC will usually have been riding for a good few years at the school, un-horsey but well meaning Mum like yourself, the DC is in the most advanced class/group at the school and is a nice confident enthusiastic rider that wants to do more jumping, compete etc. Mum therefore naturally thinks what they want is a forward going, fun, competition pony and discards 'suitable for a novice/beginner' types, going off in riding school norms that novices/beginners ride the dead to the leg, school-sour plods that will barely trot unless pony club kicked, and their DC likes a more lively/'advanced' type. Wrong! So wrong! 'Not a novice ride' is horsey code for 'absolute nutter' and not something you would ever give a child to ride. For a first pony/horse for someone of any age/ability level, you always always want a quiet, calm, confidence giver, not something with competition potential (said confidence giver and rider are usually very happy whizzing around, going out and about to local comps etc within weeks whilst the poor child stuck with their 'competition type' is still too scared to trot it around the arena (or its broken/lame/sick)!). In the 'real world' (outside riding schools) pretty much all amateur/leisure riders count as 'novice', perhaps keen amateur competitors/bringers on of youngstock or problem horses are 'intermediate' and only pro riders 'advanced' - so if a pony is described as suitable for an 'advanced' rider you know what that means

1. Even if you avoid this pit-fall, enlist experienced help and buy a suitable pony (usually costing £££ as safe schoolmasters are always worth a lot), it's a huge adjustment going from riding in lessons on a school pony to riding your own pony alone. Privately owned ponies usually get more hard feed and less work than a school pony meaning they are more full of beans which can be scary if you aren't used to it, and they also don't usually have the benefit of experienced adults or teens to ride them regularly and remind them of their manners if they get confused or cheeky being ridden by a less experienced child. Also, it's quite hard at first when you don't have the teacher telling you 'now trot', 'now change the rein', 'shorten your reins' and if their parent isn't horsey you too often see the children struggling, not knowing how to overcome difficulties or just plain getting bored of going around and around on their own (or as a PP said doing nothing but bombing around at top speed). This is why even when you've already shelled out £7k for the pony and £500 p/month for full livery all care included, you still need to pay for lessons, probably at least once a week at first, or you risk further issues, which can just be the last straw for a parent's sanity or bank balance!

Ex British horse society instructor and ex riding centre owner ,
please don't go down the route of horse ownership , it's always far more work and Money than most people imagine , and once you have your own animal you are pretty much on your own in many cases so it can be pretty lonely too , get your daughter into a nice friendly yard with plenty of age appropriate activities going on that she can join in with , get better knowledge and confidence then when she is older ( any yard taking her on as a helper whilst she's an inexperienced 12 year old isn't suitably health and safety conscious enough ) find somewhere where she can help in a suitably supervised yard , sadly due to insurance I imagine many yards no longer have the merry band of helpers that we had in my yard but if there are any still she will get much more from this than the potentially lonely route of horse ownership, she hopefully would get lots of opportunity of handling and a few free rides as well , make sure that the yard is first and foremost safety conscious
My helpers where a big part of my yard and made it all worth while , I gave , they gave and the horses gave and everyone gained as a result so it was very much win win
My helpers are all still great friends 20+ years on and have built up the type of friendship that is lifelong .

@cookiecuttercreamandbutter

People on MN hate you getting a pony unless you're already in the club, it's very strange and oddly aggressive.

I suggest you speak to the riding school and ask them about full livery costs (if you're completely novice I don't suggest you take responsibility yourself at this stage) and perhaps they will allow you to take a pony of theirs on part or full loan. I would insist your DD rides every day she can, giving the pony a rest day of course, and does all the grooming and mucking out after her lesson (she doesn't need to know this is included in full livery). Make sure she cleans her tack, does her stable management theory and spends her pocket money on things for the pony. If she does all this and only grows keener, you may need to look at the next stage. Your yard manager/riding instructor should guide you.

I know what you mean Cookie and I am acutely aware I (and others) are being really negative on this thread, perhaps too negative. I'd like to think that it isn't coming from a place of snobbishness or aggressiveness and that people are only trying to give the benefit of their own experience to protect the parent's sanity and bank balance, and avoid mistakes they've made themselves.

Personally I am a bit of a hypocrite as I never follow my own advice and I own 2 very expensive and totally unsuitable ponies that take up all my spare time and more than my spare cash. I do love them very much but if I was acting rationally and sensibly I wouldn't have them. Loaning/sharing/having lessons/going on riding holidays is probably for most people a cheaper, easier and less stressful way to ride so that's why it gets recommended so much but ofc there is something special about owning your own as well that makes it worthwhile in the end.

OP I do hope you aren't too put off, if you can easily afford full livery and lessons and lots of practical and professional support it is very do-able for a child of a non horsey parent to have and enjoy their own pony (or if despite not being horsey the parent is prepared to dedicate all their spare time and cash (and then some) to the pony), so please don't think people are saying never ever do it, I just think it's not something you should feel you HAVE to do if you don't really, really want to ....

Have not read all of the above BUT if you get a native pony (fell or dales perhaps) they can live out most of the year. Ours do. Yes it can be expensive but you can also make things far more expensive for yourself. We don’t get them done by the farrier, they are just trimmed a couple of times a year for example. You could part loan. Or just loan and then you get to give it back.

Both my kids ride. We are lucky that we have land and stables. My wife evented and showjumoped till her early twenties.

My advice is do not do it.
It is really expensive, constantly.
If you have no experience with ponies your kid will end up with an issue with their pony that they cannot sort out and you cannot either. This could be stopping at a fence, refusing to stand, bucking etc. All possible. My wife is experienced and light enough to get up on our kids ponies and correct the issue and move on. Once a pony learns to exploit your lack of experience it will be a shitshow.

It's like having a 'villa in the sun' - you will spend all your holidays there etc. Never works out like that. Cheaper to go for a holiday and rent. Same with ponies - just go for lessons, camps etc and stay sane.

My kids ride every day. Mucking out a 7am before school. Competing every weekend. Feeding twice a day... great but never-ending.

There are many 12 year olds who would be able to take the pony they ride in their lesson on if it were a full livery basis and the pony is truly suitable for them. They can then learn gradually.

I agree with the poster who said not to buy without an expert accompanying you knowing what you're looking for-it's near impossible to get a first pony at the moment, prices are through the roof. I could sell mine in half an hour, quite seriously (she's not for sale). Finding one to loan privately, as a non equestrian, is probably hopeless as these ponies are passed around pony club families and there's often a wait anyway.

Many people selling horses will use terms like mother's dream etc without really understanding or caring what a non horsey mother's dream would look like. It is no joke to have committed to a pricey horse who scares you/isn't safe for your child.

The way I see this working is you get a pony already belonging to the riding school and pay £££ to loan it while keeping it on full livery. That way the pony is known, the child is supervised, there is an expert in the picture. In time, that pony may become available to buy or, if you put out enough feelers, you will probably hear of someone who has outgrown their suitable pony. It can take months if not longer to locate the right pony so none of this will happen quickly anyway.

We have land and stables. All three of mine ride. It has cost us over 100k over 15 years. I go and do something with them every.single.day. even when it was xmas, even when I had coronavirus and felt like shit.

jakey

We send our little mare for the odd reschooling holidays with physio, dentistry etc all laid on. She's a saint anyway though. It doesn't have to be as bad as you describe and we have a very happy little pony/girl combo. At the end of the day, it's about them and has helped my DD through a great deal.

I'm going to say something quite different ... I have just bought my first pony and I'm 55. I was desperate for a pony at 12 and my parents, non horsey, were not financially able to afford livery but were not willing to let me take the risk of working and doing at least part of the work myself.

My pony now is on part livery, I have the best of everything in my view. There are lots of very experienced people around to ask an help me, I don't have to be there every day as dpony is fed, rugged, checked over and turned in and out, I ride, groom her and clean tack...

Im very very happy and if you can afford it, there are a fair few kids with ponies at the stables where dpony is ...