Not taking comments to heart

[Sussed]

Relatively new pony owner, have been getting on really well I thought although I am by no means a show rider....very much self taught but confident. Been spending absolutely hours riding though, pony starting to go really nice long and low and I've been investing in a lesson once a month which is all I can afford, the instructor seems pleased and we've been working on the advice. Trouble is everyone at my livery seems to love to flock around and watch and shout their advice and by all accounts, according to them I'm just awful. Reins too short, toes wrong, knees wrong, shoulders wrong, everything wrong. It's really knocking my confidence and making me not want to ride at all. What to do?

Oh dear, I'm afraid the 'helpful' advice shouted from the sidelines is a bit par for the course with a particular type of horsey person, everyone at my livery yard gets a dose of it from certain people, from the little kiddies on the lead rein all the way up to the high flying competition riders so its absolutely not an indication of ability. Annoyingly, most of the time the advice is technically correct even if it's not asked for/wanted. And we do all have things we can work on with our riding, no one is ever perfect and it doesn't mean you are a bad rider or should lose confidence or stop riding or whatever just because someone has picked up on something. TBH when I come in for my share I tend to just take in what I find helpful at the time and ignore the rest, as it's usually well meant even if a bit irritating being given an unwanted free 'lesson' from the yard nosy parker! Many years of riding hairy/badly behaved ponies in a fairly amateur fashion has meant I've developed a thick skin for criticism which is highly useful to me .

But if it's bothering you, could you speak to the main 'culprit(s)' in a quiet moment and politely say 'thanks for the advice, I really appreciate you trying to help me out, but when I am in the middle of schooling/working on a specific issue I find it breaks my concentration, would you mind not shouting at me in the future?" or something similar? And if that doesn't work perhaps a firmer 'Look I've asked you to not shout at me as I find it unhelpful. Please don't keep doing this". If they do mean the advice kindly then I am sure they will back off, and if they are just the type that likes to dish out criticism then they should be able to take a bit back in return. And I find with yard behaviour/dynamics if you pick the right person to address, the 'ring leader' or 'queen bee', and get them to change their behaviour, others will follow suit.

Also do you hack out? I find if it's all a bit much/everything is kicking off in the school and I want a bit of privacy, you can school just as well out hacking and there's nothing like it for building up their muscles? Finally as a last resort, if nothing works and ultimately its affecting your enjoyment of your horse, maybe think about swapping livery yards as some are far nicer places to be than others?

Find another livery! I've been on a few yards but the only one where there was likely to be unwanted attention was one that attracted a lot young teens/pre-teens as there seemed to be a lot of loaned ponies on the yard. And they were easy enough to deal with!

The other yards I've been on have had friendly, supportive liveries who wouldn't dream of shouting out unwanted "advice" or blatantly hanging off the fence for an opportunity to criticise.

Small yards off the beaten track (if you can find one) are often the best bet if you want a quiet life and don't mind a certain lack of amenities.

This is absolutely awful. What bullies!
You need to change yards ASAP before they ruin your enjoyment of your pony.

How can you afford a pony but not riding lessons? Do you think they might have a point with their comments? Genuine questions btw.

What a ridiculously privileged question @pinkyredrose. How we manage our finances is irrelevant to whether third parties have any right to shout "advice" from the sidelines. My pony is my hobby, but my family are not in the least horsey. So whilst when we bought him we ensured we have enough for his daily care and any emergencies, unnecessary extras like more than 1 lesson a month are just taking money which could be spent on my kids - not happening. I've been riding for over 20 years so definitely not a beginner, I'm just no polished dressage rider. As far as I'm concerned, though, so long as pony is not in discomfort it is really nobody's business whether I'm happy hacking her around, riding her with her head up like a giraffe (which, by the way I'm not) or getting her until a beautiful outline. Not least because every single person has a different opinion of how things should be done and what good looks like. I just think it is incredibly rude to give out those opinions uninvited.

Yes, I could move yards...but I have a nasty feeling they may all be like this or worse! Rapidly remembering the things I disliked about pony girls when I was a kid.

Just because you've been riding 20 yrs doesn't mean you're a good rider, you say yourself you're self taught so in all honesty you've probably picked up some bad habits. No offence intended

Anyway tell the people at your yard to back off. Are they like this with other people or just you?

How can you afford a pony but not riding lessons?

I and most people I know with horses can't afford regular lessons after paying for livery farrier vet physio dentist insurance rugs tack supplements etc.etc.etc 🙄

Move yards, that would be my advice. Agree with previous poster who said that a yard off the beaten track is your best bet.

I had my share loan pony on a lovely country yard many years ago and had such a great time with the down to earth girls there. Then we had to move to a yard just outside the city, and the difference was shocking. Snobbery, one oneupmanship and elitism were rife. It was horrible.

We should be able to enjoy our ponies, and I think it is great you are having monthly lessons - good on you!

Absolutely nobody at our yard would do that - a mix of Pony Club kids, teenagers, young adult competitive riders and happy hackers, so there’s a very wide range of riding ability.

I’d move yards as they’re definitely not all like that - and ours is in a semi rural location near a very big city so I don’t think it’s to do with that either

Pop headphones in and ride to the music you are listening to. Ignore the people shouting instructions till you 'happen to see them' a bit of a while later - the moment will be lost, so you can just shrug your shoulders at the time and legitimately say later'I didn't hear what you said' .

Ours is a city yard, but not a big one by any means. @Ariela that's a fabulous idea re: headphones, think I'll give that a try!

Pretty much every yard has a know-it-all in my experience. It's so common, it's no. 1 on this list www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/9-types-of-people-youll-find-on-a-livery-yard-413184

My favourite moment with the current yard was the woman who lectured me on what my horse is like and how to manage him best. I had at that point owned him for 7 years and known him for 8. She knows fuck all about him. I shut that conversation down very quickly and abruptly and she's backed off a bit since but it's in her nature and she does it to everyone.

I think the key is not to see it as personal - they will all be bitching about each other. The person to ask for help will be the one who quietly watches but doesn't offer an opinion unless asked. Also, watch them ride. Our yard know it all doesn't ride but offers an opinion on it. The people whose opinion I seek are those who have calm, happy horses and a good connection with them.

How can you afford a pony but not riding lessons?

I built in a budget for lessons but circumstances change and lessons are one of the first things I can cut back on. Also some people enjoy just hacking and as the OP says, unless there's a welfare issue, it's really nobody's business if you have a lesson once a month or train every day with the local listed judge.

Absolutely nobody at our yard would do that - a mix of Pony Club kids, teenagers, young adult competitive riders and happy hackers, so there’s a very wide range of riding ability.

With the Happy Hackers amongst those you rate as having excellent ability hopefully 🙂

Not having a go Pleasedontdothat but I just hate that term with a passion 🙄

@Germolenequeen it’s how they describe themselves! There’s as much variety in riding ability in that group as with all the others (and they’re all better than me 😳)

I don't know..no offence but you seem a bit blasé about your 'self taught' riding and a bit obsessed with 'getting her into an outline' when it honestly sounds like you should be working on your own riding. I know people who boast 'I have been riding for years' when what they have been doing is sitting on horses for years.
Personally I hate seeing someone who (fir example) can't balance without their reins or who rides with their toes pointing down desperately working their horses head into an 'outline'.
Very rude people though.

@Pleasedontdothat

Ah I see - I just find it derogatory for some reason 😏
Doubt very much that they are all better than you 😊

"Outline" now there's another term that should be outlawed IMO 😬

Some people these days are totally obsessed with pulling their horses nose in.

True "self carriage" is a million miles away from that 🙁

OP says in her very first post that the 'outline' she is asking for is long and low, so the very opposite of nose in and tucked up, which I agree is not nice to see, although TBF since 'long and low' became the fashionable thing you do also see horses slopping along on no contact and falling onto the forehand which is just as bad IMO... but either way we are in no position to comment, (a) you haven't seen the horse/rider so how do you know how she looks (b) OP's instructor is happy with progress and (c) the whole point of the post is that OP is feeling insecure and losing her enjoyment, how do you think you saying she must be riding badly helps with that?

Really unless the pony is in distress, lame etc or OP is in true danger of doing herself an injury, it doesn't really matter if she wants to ride around with her toes up and and nose in, it may be not be very nice to look at but I am a firm believer that unless your opinion is asked for (and OP wasn't asking how we think she should ride her pony ), you keep your mouth firmly shut!

It's not possible to balance without your heels down. .....look at any half decent rider. True we haven't seen her ride so we don't know but I am v wary of 'self taught' riders who are scathing of people riding in the correct position. ....
OP can you keep you balance without using the reins? If not then you are a novice rider who should go and get some lunge lessons at your local riding school.

Yes these people do sound very rude though. Horsey people can be unbearable...

@maxelly

I wasn't commenting on OP riding - was just a general comment - agree though "long and low" is another dodgy area altogether 😬

Thank you @maxelly you've perfectly captured how I feel about it. And, actually, some of these comments on this thread are just reinforcing my thoughts around judgemental horsey people who seem to feel it's their given right to bestow their opinions. @Destroyedpeople yes, I'm perfectly capable of riding without reins, or saddle - I often do bridle less/ saddleless rides with pony alongside our groundwork sessions purely for closeness. But, exactly as @maxelly says, whether I can or not, the fact I'm self taught is absolutely neither here nor there. Plus, as stated I am having lessons even if only 1 per month so nor am I suggesting I know better than a professional instructor. So long as I'm not hurting my pony, it is nobody's business whether I will never be a competition rider. Why should it be? And I'm not sure where exactly in any of my posts you saw me be "scathing about people who ride in the proper position". Feel a bit like I've wandered into a rather nasty world which is a bit of a shame as new pony is perfection and would be having a great time with her if the know it alls would let us be.

I don't know...something about 'not being a polished dressage rider' sounded a tiny bit scathing perhaps I was wrong it's hard to catch a tone.
Look if these people are offering unsolicited advice then you just have to find something to say on 'repeat til fade'.
But here you did ask for advice so don't get annoyed. I worked with horses for some years and don't really think you can be 'self taught'. As I said I have met one or two people who claimed to be 'self taught .. and yes they could sit on a horse but they couldn't ride. No offence meant..you did ask.
Maybe go to a riding scool for some lessons so it doesn't have to be a spectator sport? People can be so nasty..livery yards are worse than schoOL IME.
Good luck your pony sounds lovely but please stop obsessing about the 'outline'.

If the OP is not falling off the horse on a regular basis, if her horse is not dangerously out of control and if her horse is healthy, then she should just get on with doing whatever she enjoys doing.

Ignore them with headphones on or change yards OP. There is no reason to put up with such rude behavior.