Guilt selling horse

[GSD20]

To those of you who have sold for personal reasons did you feel terrible about selling your horse?

Long story short I want to give up. I can’t afford to keep horses anymore. I’m sick of haemorrhaging money, always rushing around, being unable to have breakfast with my child before school because I have to put the horses out. All of it
I can’t afford lessons, trailer, competing or anything fun. I can only hack which is not my thing.

I’ve had horses and ridden for 20 years. I’m just not that bothered any more. I love riding but it’s not as exciting and fun as it used to be, probably because I’m always worrying about money and a lack of time.

I have two horses. One is on loan to a lovely lady and will stay there forever so that is fine.

The second however. He is quirky but my dream horse. He would sell okay I think to the right person, he is only 10 so the prime of his life and he’s too young for me to consider chucking him in a field forever. I don’t want to part loan him and loaning scares me as if he comes back for whatever reason I won’t have a space or livery for him.

I can’t stop worrying about it though. If he got a bad home, if I missed him too much, if he wasn’t loved. It’s silly really but has anyone else who sold felt this bad about it? I keep looking at him and feeling really upset about it as I do love him but I don’t love the sport any more, if that makes any sense at all. I can’t keep him for 20 more years and not enjoy it can I

Aw, completely understand how you feel but for what it's worth it sounds like it's the right thing to sell and deep down you know that's what you need to do. I've moved on several over the years that are still fit and able to do a job for someone (outgrown ponies, an over-horsing mistake etc) - I try my very hardest to be unsentimental about it as unlike other pets they don't particularly get attached to individual people or places, and are bred and trained to do a job, and I think it's best off all round if that's what they can do rather than being kept idle (and costing the earth to boot!) - although there are always tears the day they leave I haven't ended up regretting it long term. Like you say your boy could well live another 20 years which is a long time to be kept as a field ornament. It would be different if he was a broken down retiree or similar of course.

Take your time, make sure to vet any potential home very carefully and be prepared to cut a deal for the right person (don't say this in the advert or deliberately under-price him though, vultures will circle!) - if you can hold out another few months coming into spring is probably the best time to sell. Good luck!

I agree it sounds like you need to call it a day. I wouldnt necessarily just brush loaning under the carpet though as although good loaners are like hens teeth it may be worth having a look at part loaning him to someone local if you want to keep him. I do think you can find quirky horses good homes you just need to be very honest with your advert. If I had doubts I would try part loaning first to see if the extra 2/3 days a week you gain would make a difference. It sounds though like you've made your mind up. Just think of it in the way that someone will have more time for him and pamper him and love you like you love him. My first horse was quirky and I bought her knowing that and also sold her with the buyers knowing the same. She has a fantastic life now much better than I ever could of given her, they have their own yard and hundreds of acres and she just potters around doing her own thing!

If he's a decent competition horse, then "quirky" is almost a given! And I agree that you do need to be very honest in any advert regarding his quirks, and vet potential buyers very carefully. Don't be afraid about not selling to a particular buyer if you don't think it's a good fit. People buying horses can be very short-sighted about their own riding ability!!

unlike other pets they don't particularly get attached to individual people or places

Really? That's not been my experience. IME horses can get very attached to particular people. One of mine was a bastard for other people to ride but would also have a jealous sulk if I rode another horse before him.

OP I get the guilty feeling but he may well find just the right home, quirks and all. Take your time selling him, only sell him when you're happy to. I got my current horse after he'd been passed from pillar to post and he had become quite neurotic because he doesn't cope with change well. I've had him 8 years now and I'll never move him on so I am grateful to his previous owner who realised he wasn't the right horse for her and who sold him to me.

I knew someone was going to pull me up on that Vanhi as soon as I posted it

It's my opinion, and I know lots of people feel differently, that most (not necessarily all) horses only really form strong emotional bonds with other horses. That's not to say they don't recognise their owners and get used to being ridden and handled in a certain way and in a certain routine, and then get upset if that changes when they move to a new yard or have a new owner/rider, but for most I would say they adjust pretty quickly particularly if new owner handles and rides them similarly to the old one, and I can't honestly say I believe my horses would 'miss' me or even really remember me if I went away for a long time in the same way my dogs would. But I may be wrong and I'm sure there are horses that break this rule, perhaps traumatic background makes a difference too, but it doesn't sound as though that applies to OP's horse.

Ofc a yard move is also difficult for many horses but then there are loads of factors at play there, different herd dynamics, travel, potentially being isolated at first, new routine, different feed etc. so I'd be reluctant to put that down to a human factor particularly - but again only my opinion, either way I'm sure OP's horse will be just fine in a loving new home!

I always regret selling daughter's pony he was such a lovely character - and quirky but I described him as that in the advert and that he wasn't for your average kid - he went on and had a lovely life teaching other kids to do what he loved best (jumping), likewise her older pony went to a fab loan home with a little girl they had such a special bond and did so many things together, he was much loved and remained there till he died, again his advert said to be not put off by his age (in his 20s) and that he was perfectly safe for a very small child on or off the lead rein even though he was 13.2, the little girl was tiny for her age (8) but she could ride fairly well even though she was just off the lead rein, it was a great partnership they gelled immediately and she soon learned to canter and jump.

I take your point, Maxelly. Horses don't bond with humans as readily and as strongly as dogs certainly do. It's also hard to work out how much they're wedded to a routine and a method of handling, rather than an actual person.

I've generally had horses that have been through some hard times and they do seem to get attached to me. They sulk with me when I get back from time away. Also, there is scientific evidence that horses can read facial expressions and that must mean they have quite a high degree of understanding of us, although whether that means they bond with individuals is another matter!

Anyway, I'm sure the OP's horse will adapt successfully in the right home, with the right owner.

I think if you’re really careful about who you sell to it’ll be fine, it may take longer to sell though.
I bought a horse in similar circumstances, the owner was very upset to be selling but didn’t have the time/money for the horse. The horse had never been kept on a yard and had formed a very strong attachment to the owner. The owner did have other people who wanted the horse.
The horse liked me a lot when I tried her but was still really upset about moving and took a good 6 months to settle in, however I kept her for years until she died of old age.

Thankyou all.

It’s so difficult as I’m very attached but I can’t afford him.
I feel like I can’t sacrifice my family having a nice house, holidays etc for my hobby.

It’s so hard though as he’s happy with me. He’s settled which took a long time originally. He didn’t even know how to interact with horses at first and took ages to settle into a group and make a friend. He was terrified at first but now he’s over confident if anything as he’s so secure and now I’m going to uproot him again That’s what makes me feel so bad!

I remember the last time my horse moved yards OP. He was distraught travelling, neighing his head off. I felt so guilty moving him from a place where I thought he was happy and I so wished I could explain to him what was happening. As it turned out, he's happier in the new place for various reasons, not least because he has more turnout.

I know it's difficult but you do have to consider yourself as well in this. At 10 he's got some good years ahead of him. By the time he's 13 even though that will still be the case, his age will put many people off. Take your time, find someone lovely who understands him.

It’s really irrelevant who you sell to as once he’s gone you have no control over what happens and he could be moved on again to absolutely anybody . That’s not to say you shouldn’t sell , lots of people do , I can’t comment on how that would make you feel because we’ve never sold a horse or pony we’ve owned .

Sorry OP it sounds though that you need to let him go to someone who will realise his full potential. There will be someone out there. You can only do your best.

I have two, both quirky. Older one a field potato. I'd always go for a quirky horse...so look for someone the same. Good luck!

I have never sold any of mine but I did loan one out for 10 years. She retired back to me when she could no longer be riddenamd lived out her days. I would not want to risk my horse's future by selling him, bad owners can quickly send a good horse on a downward spiral to the dodgy dealers yard, especially a quirky one. For me it's about safeguarding their futures.

Well I’ve listed him today, cried a bit and then some more. Feel like I can’t even look at a horse at the moment.

3 weeks since he was last ridden and I have no motivation at all to ride, maybe it’s because it could be the last time and that’s breaking my heart.

I wish I had never got him in the first place

You may feel bad but you are not helping his chances of finding a good home by not riding him as a fit animal that behaves is going to show himself better .

Aww OP, you are feeling it aren't you? Hate to say it as I know the whole reason you are selling him is cash flow problems, but could you put him into reputable sales livery or find someone local who'd help you sell him for a commission %? I know it's expensive but it could pay off in achieving a better sales price, if you are in floods at even the thought of riding/selling him how are you going to manage viewings? Any buyer worth their salt will want to see you/someone ride first (unless you sell from the field which I'd seriously not recommend) and you want him to show himself off to best effect... I would hate to ride any of mine for the first time in weeks when I was already emotional/tense and with a critical audience watching, the results wouldn't be pretty!

I use to find making the decision was the hardest bit, closely followed by the process of selling, the ups the downs, etc.
Once they were sold and delivered I felt A OK.

He’s a nice age, and if he’s your perfect horse he’ll be someone else’s probably. Keep him ticking over or if money allows send him to a sales livery to be sold on.
Then enjoy your well earned break from horses.

OP if you're south west England DM me with some more details. I was just thinking 'well I know some lovely owners, so they are out there'. Then it occurred to me that a friend who is a brilliant owner might be looking for something in the next couple of months. Would need to be a good RC all rounder. Doesn't need to set the world on fire, quirky is fine so long as the horse is also reliable and fun.

Vanhi, I’m very far north so sadly a fair way from you.

No enquires to the ad at all yet, the market is probably slow though with it being January!