Hello
There is no point asking this queston anywhere else on mumsnet because horses make no logical sense!
I've always ridden and owned horses. I was never going to set the world alight, but I did BE 90cm, riding club stuff and a little bit of hunting. It was my absolute passion.
I sold my horse in 2016 and had my son in Jan 2018. It hit me like a ton of bricks, he was an awful, colicky baby and I had bad postnatal depression. The first six months were the darkest of my life.
He's adorable now - everyone promised me that a bad baby would be a good toddler, and he is! He is the light of my life.
Anyway, my husband is very much 'one and done'. He says it all worked out for the best, the three of us are a happy little triangle and that we should plan for me getting a new horse when my son starts school (my husband isn't horsey but he enjoys the lifestyle and is quite frankly amazing). He says he'd enjoy the daddy/son time if I were at the yard at the weekend for a few hours.
However, I can't get my mind off having another baby. I feel like if it went well it would exercise all my PND demons, and that I could always get back into horses when I'm late 40s. I could never afford two and a horse, and my husband would NOT be up for having two on his own while I played ponies at the weekend. I also feel pressure to porvide my son with a sibling and my parents with another grandchild.
I don't really know what I'm asking. Has some hormonal switch gone off thats making me crave another, even though life could be perfect with one?
I work full time in a job I love, and going back to work was when I started enjoying being a mum.
I am beyond fortunate to be in this position. I just feel a bit confused. I wouldn't even want to get pregnant anytime soon, so I don't know why I'm obsessing like this.
I think I'd be fine with having one if the decision were taken out of my hands, its the fact I'm lucky enough to have the choice.
I'm 33 in case that matters and would be able to afford full livery if I only had my son and he were in school.