Older rider, losing confidence

[Pennina]

I hope someone can help a little. A little (lots of!) background:

I'm 55 and rather overweight. I'm trying to resolve the weight issue. I feel though that it affects my balance and confidence though.

DH and I have 2 horses (plus a retired one) which we keep on our own yard. We're not local so a local person who keeps her 2 horses with us for reduced livery does the daily jobs.

I've ridden for 50 years. I've had horses all my life, mainly tb/tbx. I've also taught in my 20s at AI level.

About 15 years ago I had a bad fall from the now retired TB. I always felt he was a bit much for me but I had persevered. To ride he was very nappy but on the ground an angel. I wasn't able to get straight back on after the fall due to a back injury and I then found out I was expecting our first child so decided not to ride during the pregnancy although I continue to spend a lot of time around the horses. After two children in quick succession I started to go back to riding and found I was very nervous of the TB. I rode him in the school and had a braver friend hack him. I happily rode our now quite elderly tbx who were both safe hacks. By this time my requirement is literally just to be a happy hacker. With children we no longer have the time or inclination to do anything competitive.

The situation now is that our two elderly tbx, are sadly no longer with us. (Pts at very ripe old ages). DH and I acquired two more horses 5 years ago. Both over 16h. DH got the opportunity to buy, at a very reduced price for a good home, a fabulous Cleveland Bay/TB. Weight carrier and a lovely horse for him. I got the opportunity to acquire a beautiful Hanoverian for free. His owner, A competitive rider wanted an upgrade, and her priority was for him to have a loving home for life as a happy hacker which he has with me. He is a beautiful natured horse. All is good except for the fact that both horses are frankly too sharp for me. I have had no nasty accidents or falls but I permanently feel as if something dreadful is going to happen. When hacking out my horse is very easily spooked and spins. This then frightens DH horse she then freezes and refuses to move on. I'm finding it frightening and frustrating as really all my husband I want to do is poodle around bridleways! It all gets rather stressful and dangerous.

I feel that we (well me) are potentially over horsed but five years down the line, the horses are aged 16 and 20 and I really wouldn't want to attempt to rehome them at that age. Plus we do love them and don't want to go down that route. I'm very bonded to all of our horses and get a great deal of affection from them.

Has anyone got any advice? I'm getting more and more scared I feel like giving up. I dread going up there on riding days but have no problem with the general care. The horses are on 24/7 turnout with a field shelter. They are stabled if weather is bad.

We do have a riding arena. Would spending more time in the school help do you think? I don't want to end up in a situation where the only riding I do is in an arena though. In my heart I feel like I need a bombproof cob but with three horses already I really can't afford or think it sensible to take on a fourth.

Sorry this is such a long post but I didn't want to drip feed.

Any advice gratefully received.

Thank you.

It could be your horse is picking up on your nerves & is spooky as a result. Could you find a riding school that does hacking, go off on some hacks, & then try on your own horse again? Work in school first or lots of lunging before hacking? Go out on short hacks (15 min) then return & build up on this? What are you feeding? Reduce hard feed to minimum/low energy/ pony nuts. Sharpness in horses can be reduced.
I speak as late 60s rider; I am pretty confident, but prefer to have a relaxing experience, so have quite a few ways to achieve this.

Speaking as an 'older' and more fragile rider - think some school time is a good idea. You can just concentrate on your horse, your rhythm together and your bond as it sounds like you have tensed up and are expecting the worst on your hacks and your horse knows this. Then try some short hacks?

This may be controversial but all the horses I have known to have behaved badly was because of an underlying physical issue. Problems ranged from severe, chronic conditions like EPSM, to nutritional deficiencies easily fixed by, for example, a magnesium supplement.

When did this behaviour start? Has there been any changes since it started? Has the horse been checked over by a vet, dentist, physio and saddler? Have you tried any of the nutritional supplements that help with behavioural issues?

If you can’t afford to retire and replace the horse that spins, and selling it on is not ethical, then the only solution is to deal with the behaviour.

Booboostwo. Thanks for that. He always has been a bit spooky but it's just this year it seems to have made me more nervous for some reason. Everything else is okay with him and he was recently checked over by the vet and had his teeth done at the same time. I will consider supplements. I definitely won't be selling him. He's a wonderful horse. I think it's me not him !

Minkies11 and moanranger. Thank you. Makes sense to spend a bit more time in school. There's a 30 minute circular hack that we regularly go on that he's fine with. It seems to go wrong if we venture further afield. In a way I don't want to hack out on a riding school horse in case a nice sensible one makes me more nervous on my boy! Although I do get the idea why it might help. It's making me very sad and cross with myself.

Don't be cross with yourself! Think you are being sensible and are obviously dedicated to your horses and what is best for them.
And if I had a pound for every time I felt overhorsed...I'd be bloody rich!

Would you consider getting a sharer for them? Someone who is perhaps a more confident rider who could get them out hacking and not let them get spooky. This might build thr horses general confidence for when you ride.

Emmac78. That's just what I'm going to do actually! I think that he needs a bit more work with a confident rider. He's not that bad - when I was in my 20s/30s his behaviour wouldn't have bothered me, I'm just less/not confident enough with him. I'm putting feelers out!

Try reading Karl Greenwood's book Control Your Stress and Enjoy Your Horse, you can get it from his Facebook page and it's not expensive. He helped change my mindset.

You don't say how much you actually ride per week? It makes a huge difference to your confidence if you ride really regularly, and I'm talking basically daily for at least 45-60 mins.
In your situation I'd by trying to up my riding, in the arena for sure, get some lessons too. Look for an instructor that understands your issues.
If all else fails I'd be looking for a bombproof safe horse for you to accompany your husband, and try to find a sharer for the WB.

Lessons.
Get someone really good that you gel with to give you some lessons in the school and to ride out with you.

A nervous adult on my yard who has 2 horses (well one is her daughters) has done this - she found a really lovely local instructor and has a school lesson weekly and a hack out with the instructor on their other horse weekly too. Her confidence has come on masses from doing this.

You obviously know the theory but having someone help you to ride through the sticky moments can really help.

Have to say if it was me I'd be getting the nice bombproof cob and either retiring the old boy or getting a sharer for him. He's probably realistically going to want to slow down within the next few years anyway? Take your point on the expense of a third but you might be able to get the cob on loan, which would have the additional benefit of giving you a chance to make sure s/he really is bombproof and easy (not all cobs are of course, mine is easily as hot and stressy as some of the warmbloods on the yard, just in a hairy package!). Cobs/native types are mainly easy/cheap to keep esp if you have land and they can live out in winter so aside from initial purchase you might be able to keep costs low (she says optimistically!)...

That's not to say that with some patience and concerted effort you couldn't regain your confidence with old boy, I'm sure you could if you wanted (as others have said lessons are invaluable plus probably lots of groundwork, a neckstrap and maybe a jot of brandy before a ride?), but for me riding is an expensive and time consuming hobby not a job, so I want to be enjoying myself at least most of the time. I completely understand your feelings re your old boy, I'm not as confident as I used to be either and despite the fact my little mare can pull some antics I feel much safer on her that I do even on a calm/steady large horse, something to do with being near the ground I think!

You could always enter into a years share/loan arrangement and see how you feel after that time?

I think there are a few issues here. I'm older than you and frankly too old for spooky horses that are sharp. Plus 16hh+ is a long way to fall! (I ride ponies for that reason).

You are definitely over-horsed and wise to recognise this. The horse may well be picking up on your nerves and aggravating the situation.

You could try to get a sharer who is a confident rider and who also just wants to hack - a LOT more work would definitely help.

Plus - unless either have trouble keeping weight on then I'd not feed anything at all except additional hay when the grass isn't enough. Happy hackers do not need anything except forage. If you want to feed supplements, then a handful of low-cal chaff. If you do have to feed for weight, then cut out all cereal and stick to fibre based feeds/oil/linseed (this is what I have to do with an elderly TBX struggling to keep weight on over winter but who is also laminitis-prone).

Finally - accept that this might not be the horse for you at your age and with your current confidence levels. No shame in letting him be a lawnmower and if you don't want the expense and responsibility of buying a horse suitable for pootling about the bridleways, look for a loan. I often see ads for loan horses that might move for the right yard, and your set-up sounds ideal (knowledgeable, experienced responsible owner with own yard). People often want to re-home to a loaner an older horse now surplus to requirements.

Rather be riding. everything you say is completely true! However I need to battle on and somehow resolve this as we actually have three horses! I still have my old 24-year-old thoroughbred. He is actually still rideable but not by me any more as I'm too heavy for him, my very light teenagers sometimes come for a short hack with me on him. As and when he gently leaves us I will look for an aged cob, meanwhile I'm taking steps to resolve this and think I found a couple of people to help exercise the pair of them. He is a remarkably good diver and is on just a tiny handful of food to be sociable with his mates. I also have a good friend who is a professional rider and serious confidence giver so I may book her for some lessons that combine a bit of time in the school with a hack.

I haven't been on a horse for over 20 years (I'm 53 and falling off would knacker me )

What are your horses like in a group? If your teenager took the TB and the lady who keeps her horses at your yard took her most obliging horse.
Would they work better, be more confident ? At the moment it looks like your horse and DH horse are feeding off each others fear signals - whether they are real or imaginary . (We all know horses will happily walk past the tarpaulin covered trailer on the way home that on the way out was a blue dragon )

Re: getting someone else to ride, this could help but not in the way you think. I was getting too scared to ride my cob (I'm 52, must be an age thing) and a friend started riding him, not particularly because I felt lack of work was the problem, but because I felt sorry for him having to put up with me and not getting out as much as he should! Often we would go together with one of us walking (usually me!) so we could chat and it really helped me to see from the ground that actually he is not a bad horse at all, and how different he could be when his rider was confident. I wasn't over-horsed in the sense that I couldn't control him as I've ridden livelier ones than him in years past, and I wasn't sure that the problem would be solved by getting something ploddier as so much of it was in my own head. I'm still not completely confident but we are getting on so much better than we were because I've developed some faith in him at last, and he is much calmer now that I'm not constantly looking for the next potential problem and transferring my fears to him. We are still only happy hackers and I'm not doing that much with him by others' standards but it's still much more than I was doing this time last year, and I am (mostly) enjoying it instead of dreading it!
Just make sure if someone else rides your horse that you can trust them not to go bombing around the place the minute your back is turned because they enjoy a lively ride, that won't help at all!

A little update: found a little bit more time this past couple of weeks to ride more and have ridden the school. Ride both horses and both went well for me with no issues whatsoever. Went for a ride yesterday with dh - just a short 40 minute ride involving a very quiet lane and a bridle path suitable for some nice trotting and a few strides of canter if the ground is not too hard. All going perfectly until we left the bridleway and start along the quiet road back to the stables and lo and behold there was a small light aircraft in the field! I remember seeing one coming very low over us a few days earlier and wondered if it might have been in trouble. They haven't crashed it - just looked like it had been landed and is left there pending collection.

So as you can imagine this came as something of a shock to my two slightly skittish thoroughbred crosses! We pushed them on bravely with my poor horse rigid with fear. However I managed to keep him straight kept my leg on kept breathing and we succeeded!

So feeling a bit better about things. Still planning on only taking baby steps and not going on any longer and more adventurous rides unless feeling confident.

Also considering getting riding instructor friend to come and give me some coaching, i.e. we will hack out a few times together and switch horses and work on troublesome sharp stops et cetera together

I am determined to get this sorted out as although I am a mature rider I'm not nearly old enough to give it up!

I have got a CD which leads you through a meditation type thing . It's called Hacking with Confidence. If you PM me I am happy to send it to you FOC. I am in my 60 s now and gave up riding a couple of years ago due to confidence issues. I am sad about it.

You should look at having a go on riding Mechanical Millie at E-Equine. It really helped me, and gave me things to work on. Good luck!