Getting rid of ‘the fear’

[Squirrel26]

Help me, I have an irrational fear of (proper) horses!

I had riding lessons when I was younger, and I took it up again a couple of years ago. Because I’m relatively short, I’ve ridden ponies or small horses (up to about 15.2) since I’ve been back. Last lesson I rode a 16h + gelding and I was absolutely bloody terrified. It wasn’t him - he’s very sweet, behaved perfectly, never felt like he was going to ‘do’ anything, but something was making me deeply unsettled. (To the point where it was making me ride like an idiot - afraid to use any leg at all, gripping the reins, in anticipation of...what??)

I’m reasonably sure this ridiculousness is all in my head. I’ve had plenty of falls/ bronc-ing/ being tanked off with by ponies in the past - it’s not nice, but it didn’t make me dread getting back on. Does anyone else feel like this? Why does the extra 4 inches feel like it makes so much difference??

If you are relatively short, then you are probably over-horsed. If you physically don't have the leg length or the height to match a taller horse, then it is quite rational to feel anxious.

I am extremely short - short enough to be quite at home on a 13.2 pony. In my time I have ridden anything and everything from 13hh to 16.3 and back in my hey-day wasn't really bothered.

However, now that I am of - ahem - mature years you wouldn't get me on anything over 14.2 for love nor money. Yes, I am a very experienced rider. No, I don't feel comfortable or confident anymore on anything with a head miles away and on a saddle where my feet are barely reaching below the saddle flaps.

I like to feel I can get my leg on properly and that I'm a good fit height wise. So I stick to my ponies!

If you know you are happier with ponies/small horses, then don't be afraid to stipulate that the bigger horses stay in their stables in future please.

Hmm, I do have disproportionately short legs and longer body, plus really tight hip flexors so I find it hard to properly hang my legs down anyway. Maybe that’s why it feels so ‘wrong’.

Part of me doesn’t want to admit defeat, but then I do this eye-wateringly expensive hobby for fun. If I want more stress in my life I’ll just spend more time at work!

I think as with many things, if you really want to overcome it you need to ask to ride that horse (and/or other bigger ones) as much as possible, constantly pushing yourself to do more things that make you slightly anxious (sorry I don't know your level of experience, but whatever it is you are worried about, e.g. cantering, cantering out in an open space, jumping a single fence, jumping a course), always building up gradually to more and more scary things, until it's become second nature and you are no longer worrying about his size. The best thing I think is if you can get to the point where something goes mildly wrong such as a dodgy transition, getting unbalanced, a n unexpected stop at a fence, but you don't panic or fall off and are able to overcome it. That way you know you are coping and learning!

Have to say I agree though that as a leisure rider, you don't need to worry too much - why would you ever need to ride something 16hh+ if you are happy and suited to something smaller? Conceivably I suppose it gives you more options if you were looking to buy or share a horse later on and of course at a riding school you sometimes have to take what you are given, but over the years I have found that if you are an adult small enough and happy to ride a pony that is a great advantage compared to people (including most men!) who absolutely need something bigger and are therefore much more limited in their choice. So you could just ask the school to stick to smaller ponies unless it's absolutely necessary for you to have the bigger ones!

Sorry I meant to say you are not alone, I think most people have a preferred 'type' that suits them - mine is not so much about the height per se although due to being a short arse I have mainly ridden ponies, but about the shape, I really am not a fan of narrow fronted, long necked TB and warmblood types as I feel like there's nothing in front of me (probably indicative of bad riding habits on my part as you shouldn't be holding on to the front end in any case!). But give me a nice round strong ball of a cob and I'm happy!

Also it's completely natural and normal to feel more cautious in general as you get older and it's a very common sensation for people who have ridden very confidently as children/teens/young adults but then had a break, to be surprised at how nervous they are when riding as adults about things that wouldn't have phased them. I think it's just part of maturing and becoming a bit more risk averse myself, no bad thing!

When you get the horse/pony that is the right fit for you it is almost like being one creature. My second highland pony was 13.2 and I am 5'3" with short legs. I could happily do anything with her because she seemed so exactly right for me. I gave up riding for several years when I had to part with her. These days I feel OK on most of the riding school horses up to about 15hh and one lovely comfy cob who is a bit bigger, but on the whole I don't want to ride the taller horses as they just don't feel right, it is more like being in charge of rather than part of the movement. It is also quite important for my confidence that my mount looks a friendly sort. You can be a good rider and have lots of fun, which is what it should be all about, without forcing yourself outside your comfort zone.

Stick to the smallies. Horses pick up on fear and tension and it isn’t pleasant for them either.

If you are small and light then ponies will be great fun for you. Riding should be fun for rider and horse, not a terrifying experience.

It's not always just the height of the horse though, the build of it can make a big difference. I'm only 5'2" with short legs and a long body so I feel comfortable on ponies but I've also ridden my friend's 16.2 and my mum's part shire and felt perfectly safe. My current horse is part Clydesdale so he's quite a lump too. However when I was on holiday last year I rode a tall rangy horse, not the compact type I'm more used to, and although he was an absolute darling I felt very uncomfortable and just not 'right'. I think it was because he was so long in the back and every movement seemed exaggerated somehow. I couldn't relax properly at all.

Thank you, it’s reassuring to know it’s not just me who has a ‘type’! I think it’s thrown me because it’s a totally different feeling to the normal ‘oh I’m about to jump a bit higher, that’s making me feel a bit nervous’ - I think the difference is then I’m nervous about the thing we’re doing, and then happy once we’ve done it (all those lovely endorphins!), but I don’t actually want out of the situation, whereas this is a real ‘I don’t want to be here’ for no apparent reason.

The other thing people don't consider is the tack. If you are not riding your own horses then the saddles could vary a lot and a bigger horse is likely to have a bigger saddle if it has to cater for lots of different riders. It's easy to feel insecure if the saddle is too big for you.