I'm a mess.

[foxotterhare]

I sustained a serious injury riding horses so can't do it anymore. Can't have more children as a result either. I wasn't even any good.

My only DD (7) wants nothing but to ride.

I cannot cope. I am shaking from head to foot. I cannot watch. I want to pull her off the horse, stick her in her booster seat, look the car doors and crouch in a weeping heap. The thought of her cantering/jumping makes me want to expire.I see her in a wheelchair. I see her as an adult wondering how I could ever have let her do this after what happened to me. She doesn't have great balance and seems Falling Off Material, IYSWIM.

Of course I smile brightly and give her a thumbs up as she trots past.

What the fuck do I do.

You give yourself a MASSIVE pat on the back for not making this her issue, then you seek out some counselling for your post-injury trauma and make sure she's wearing all the right kit and is being taught responsibly.

My girls started at 4, I was v enthusiastic until one day my tiny only just 5 yr old fell off a 13h pony when it cantered unexpectedly. It was a horrible fall but she got back on. Internally I was a mess, for the rest of the lesson I vowed to stop them riding as I couldn’t take the responsibility! (I also had a nasty riding accident as a teenager that stopped me riding and I gave up for years).

Anyhow! After the lesson we went back to the car and my 3 yr old tripped getting in to the car and hit her head really hard. It just made me realise that yes they can hurt themselves riding but they can also hurt themselves doing everyday stuff and her injury was worse than the riding one which helped put it into perspective for me.

Funnily enough I’m still most nervous about my middle daughter riding and not the other two so much so it must’ve traumatised me a bit!

Forgot to say, you used to ride yourself so you know that feeling of wanting to ride and loving horses. There’s nothing like it. Remember that feeling and let her ride, just make sure she’s got the correct gear, suitable pony and good teacher and before you know it her balance will be sorted. It does get easier as they get better.

Oh I don't know what to advise op but just wanted to say you have all my sympathy . Totally "get" where you are coming from.

DD (15 yrs) has just started x-country tuition and I feel physically sick every time I drive her there and observe, despite having every faith in horse, tutor and she has a good, balanced little seat. I think it's because (a) I'm a rider (only plod nowadays though!) and know what can happen on the calmest of mounts (b) I'm the horsey one of the family and introduced her to riding, so if she sustains a life altering injury, it's down to me. I am absolutely determined not to let my nerves show though because she picks up on my nervousness and none of these sorts of thoughts are helpful in the least. Also, I used to be a pretty fearless rider in my youth but now I'm a bit of a gibbering wreck so it's not fair to pass what is essentially my issue down to her! Its still really, really hard though and I'm really sorry for what you have been through.

Just rest assured that the more she rides, the better seat and balance she will develop and the more able she will be able to sit a random buck or spook!

Also, it's not a bad thing, to have a healthy respect for horses, be aware of safety issues and take that aspect of it seriously.

Thank you for these wise words.

I sympathise, OP. I had a battle with myself agreeing to let DD start riding and I haven’t been through what you have.

Excellent advice on this thread that I can’t add to, but agree with mumonashoestring that some counselling might help.

Wishing you all the best